[This could probably have been written at this point in any semester. The caps are original, though I have a hard time writing in all caps and almost never do it. It was how I felt at the time.]

November 3, 2006

Dear Diary,

I DON’T WANT TO BE PRODUCTIVE! I DON’T WANT TO WRITE A PAPER, READ BOOKS, OR STUDY. I DON’T WANT TO BE A GOOD STUDENT. I WANT TO SLEEP, SURF THE INTERNET, AND WATCH TV. I KNOW I’M BEING SINFULLY REBELLIOUS, BUT I’M NOT BROKEN. GOD, BREAK ME. SHOW ME MY SIN. HELP ME TO REPENT AND SEEK FORGIVENESS. I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO DO WHAT I NEED TO DO ON MY OWN.

But that was never what you called me to do. You called me to seek You in obedience, depending on You for all I need. Help me to follow You! Give me a heart to obey You! I don’t want to be unusable. Help me to glorify You in all I do!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
- Psalm 51:10

“Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in my statues, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances.” – Ezekiel 36:25-27

Broken,

Ronnica