Dear Mikey the Spider
Posted in Funny Historian and tagged with Humor, Letters, Spiders on April 4, 2008Dear Mikey the Spider,
I know you’ll never read this. Not only are you not human, you’ve probably never learned to read. After all, the bathroom isn’t particularly the most literate of rooms to reside in. Even if you had, you’re now dead, I fear.
I must apologize to you, but I know that if I were ever in the same situation again, I would do the same thing all over again. It’s just who I am.
When I saw that you had returned after several months absence, I welcomed you back. I liked the comfort of having you hanging out up in the corner, always watching me. The regularity of always seeing you helped make my apartment home. I thank you for that.
But you crossed the line. Maybe you thought that my acceptance of you and our friendship was greater than they really were. I have boundaries. I can talk to you from the distance of four feet while you’re on the ceiling above a corner where I never am, but it’s another thing entirely for you to take up residence in my shower. I can’t have that. I actually have to go into the shower and prefer to do it alone.
I guess I never got over my fear of spiders. Next to snakes, you are my least favorite of God’s creatures, I must admit. We could never have been close yet you asserted yourself as if you belonged there right beside me.
So though I don’t regret it, I apologize for drowning you. You hung on tightly, but at last you gave in. You must have realized that you set yourself up for this by being in the line of fire of the showerhead. Even if I hadn’t intended this end, it probably would have come about anyway at the next morning’s shower.
If somehow you survived your swim, please tell your other spider buddies where the line is so they don’t cross it. I don’t mind a harmless spider in the corner, but no insect or spider of any kind will ever be allowed in my shower.
Ever Your Friend,
Ronnica
P.S. Don’t think I didn’t realize the irony of placing this letter on the World Wide Web while you’ll never again be able to have a web of any size of your own. I’m sorry if the means of this letter hurts you as much as the content.
April 4th, 2008 at 9:49 am
LOL…too funny! I have a fear of spiders too if they get too close. The innocent ones I can pick up and put outside (like the daddy long legs), but others I get the fly swatter after.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:01 am
haha! That’s too funny! Poor Mikey. But…I’d have done the same. I don’t mind spiders in the least, but I’m not showering with one!
April 4th, 2008 at 11:32 am
That is so funny! I greatly enjoyed reading this letter it brightened up my day =)
April 4th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I have a fear of spiders as well, mine is so bad, I wouldn’t have even allowed him to be in my bathroom at all. I would’ve had my husband take him out a long time ago.
April 4th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
That’s great! I wouldn’t share my shower with a spider either =)
April 4th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I love the letter format, and the irony of this particular letter.
I look forward to continued reading!
April 4th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
hee hee hee. That last line did me in. ;)
April 5th, 2008 at 12:22 am
Hilarious! Poor spider…ya right! You were more gracious than I would’ve been.
Have a great weekend.
Brenda :)
April 5th, 2008 at 12:22 am
Hilarious! Poor spider…ya right! You were more gracious than I would’ve been.
Have a great weekend.
Brenda :)
April 5th, 2008 at 12:22 am
Hilarious! Poor spider…ya right! You were more gracious than I would’ve been.
Have a great weekend.
Brenda :)
April 5th, 2008 at 2:55 am
Thanks for the creative letter writing :) Been enjoying them! Hope to see you when we are “home.”
April 5th, 2008 at 2:59 am
That’s funny that I commented before I realized you had commented on our blog. We’ll be at church on May 4th. I really wanted to come to AWANA, but think we may have a dinner engagement that night. Oh well. Hope to see you then!
April 5th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
That’s hilarious! I didn’t realize Mikey came back…He definitely crossed a very sensitive boundary!
April 7th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
all spiders here get a quick exit, via a flushing. my daughter stands there and tells me the spider is going home to his family (chances are pretty good that’s true since I probably flushed the rest of his family some earlier time!).
Worse than a spider in the shower is a cockroach. Years ago when I lived in an apartment I felt something on my leg in the shower … I nearly died when I saw it!! I got out of there very fast!
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:52 am
Great post! I love the idea of writing a letter to Mikey! I completely agree. I have a Charlotte that hangs out in my corner, but I have warned her if she decided to come down any further she will have to be immediately vacated.
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:09 am
Happy SITS day! Great post! I have that happen all the time but I have two pyscho dogs who get spiders, flys, etc. if they are low enough to the ground.
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:56 am
This is the ghost of Mikey and it’s NOT okay!!
October 2nd, 2008 at 4:48 am
And this is Mikey’s Mom and I AM GOING TO COME AND GET YOU!!!! That is the way it is with us bugs, we stick together!!
October 2nd, 2008 at 4:50 am
LOL Ronnica!! I do have to disagree with one teeny point, though: Bathrooms certainly can be very literate rooms, at least in my parents’ house. The bathrooms in their home are virtual libraries. (Thanks, Dad!) LOL
Cheers!
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:19 am
This is too funny!
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:47 am
Hysterical!! We have TONS of spiders here and they all freak me out almost equally…and yet, their webs are truly amazing. I don’t mind if they are OUTSIDE, but the line they must not cross is my threshold!
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:54 am
I am not afraid of spiders, but I wouldn’t want one in my shower, either!
I, too have a spider that lives in my house, usually up high on the vaulted ceiling. I’ll leave him alone until he gets in that tub!
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:54 am
Stopping by from SITs,
I also don’t mind the occasional spider but the shower is absolutely off limits!
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:01 am
BAHahahahahhaa What a way to start my morning. I’ll never look at spiders the same again-now I’ll just talk to them or write a blog to them:)
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:04 am
From SITS. I will think twice before killing a spider next time. I cant get the picture of that little guy holding on for dear life before finally losing his grip. Poor thing!
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:26 am
so funny! love the post.
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:37 am
Thanks for giving me a good morning laugh!
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:46 am
I’m not down with spiders, either. Cute post!
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:52 am
I get the line; spiders enter showers at their own risk in my house, too. And I see you’re from Raleigh! I’m from Greensboro! Hi, neighbor! :) Sorry… too corny? :)
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:54 am
Often we will let a spider live in our windowsill, naming her Charlotte and bringing her bug offerings (well, Gabe does that). But no spider in the bathroom or bedroom is allowed to stay. No way.
Cute blog; and here I thought I was heading to Kansas today, and instead its the beautiful state of NC.
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:00 am
too funny! congrats on being a saucy feature!
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:01 am
Hi, over from SIts, those spiders DO resist a drowning!
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:09 am
lol! Oh, I must have had one of his buddies because I had a spider sneak down on me while I was in the shower about a week ago. *shudder* I detest bugs!
Hello SITSta from a fellow North Carolinian!
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:27 am
Too funny! I recently woke up my husband in the middle of the night and sent him on a wild goose chase for a spider that only existed in my dream. Funny how those little guys can get ya…
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:27 am
LOL!
I don’t do spiders. EWWWWW.
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:31 am
Oh my gosh, that’s so funny! I need to post about the two things we found in our bedroom the other night. YUCK! Things like that creep me out. I wouldn’t have been able to leave him in his corner like you did. I would have had to dispatch him quickly.
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:34 am
World Wide Web! You are too funny.
Farewell Mikey!
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:09 am
Now that is funny. Great morning laugh, thanks.
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:20 am
The spiders get no love … I’ve always kind of liked them myself although I have to agree with you that invading your bath is crossing the line. I especially liked your line about the irony of posting this good bye letter on the world wide web … he may not get it, but we sure do.
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:22 am
Hehehe….too funny!
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:23 am
I hate spiders! And now in the fall, there’s all these big fat reddish ones that hang outside on my porch. YUK!
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:25 am
Hi Ronnica,
Just came over from SITS for a visit! Poor Mikey ~ he never knew what hit him before his watery demise. I like the way you write ~ lots of humor!! It gave me a chuckle to start my day!
Smiles, Bebe :)
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:27 am
Too funny! The “world wide web” line put me over the edge! I am SO not a spider person. :)
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:34 am
This is so funny, but I can’t believe you let a spider hang around as long as you did.
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:35 am
You were nice enough to let hime live for a while in your corner! I could not have done that. Spiders – ewww!!
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:35 am
Very funny! I think you did good to allow his corner habitation. I would have swatted him the first day!
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:46 am
ew.spiders. I DON’T do spiders.
*happy SITS day!
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:54 am
SO funny! While I don’t mind spiders as much as you do I can respect the boundaries that you’ve set in your house! Good luck to you. I hope Mikey doesn’t tell all his friends to help him out as he plots his revenge! LOL
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:56 am
Ha! So funny! And happy SITS day…congrats!
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:14 am
The WEB irony is hilarious! I didn’t even think of that until you mentioned it.
I’m with you. Insects are ok, until they cross that line.
The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout…and then down the drain.
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:19 am
No Spiders and No Snakes! Ewwww!
We actually had a snake in the house earlier this year. Just thinking about it makes me raise my feet off the ground thinking one is hiding under my chair!
At least he’s gone now and you can shower in peace. Who knows maybe he made the swim and found a better place to live. *lol*
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:27 am
lol. I also have a live and let live policy for spiders, but a shower…well, the quarters are just to close. This in no way applies to cockroaches, those are executed on site. Without a trial!
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:57 am
For a while there my rule was “if it’s non-toxic it stays.” Then I found spiders everywhere. My new rule is “if it is in the house, it has already signed its death warrant.” I apologize, then *splat.*
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:59 am
Very well said.
I have a spider story too that is worth a read and a chuckle:
http://adayinrhondaslife.blogspot.com/2008/09/spiders-and-nudity.html
Congrats on your SITS day!!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:01 am
This is so cute. Congrats on your SITS day!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:22 am
LOL!!! Well said Sister Friend!!!!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:24 am
I’ve had extra company in the shower before, he and Mikey must be cut from the same egg sac. That was hysterical! Thanks for the laugh. So nice to see someone love being a plains person. Fly over states are awesome.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:36 am
I only see spiders IN my shower… and they all go the way of Mikey… me… naked… and spiders… nope nope nope not gonna happen!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:37 am
That was great. I couldn’t agree more on the spiders and snakes! You are better than me. I am not okay with them in corners or anywhere in my house. Oh they give me the creeps!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:41 am
Nice way to put it. I’d have a long list of spider eulogies if I attempted this.. thus I will not, and leave the great spider writing to you!!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:49 am
Spiders indoors totally freak me out. I’m okay with them in my garden, but once they cross my threshold, all bets are off!
Mikey had it comin’, being in your shower that way.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:08 am
You aren’t alone. I’m afraid I would have done the same thing. I pay the mortgage and don’t tolerate intruders.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:17 am
I’m going to a funeral today…I will remember Mikey for you while I am there…so sad…but agree…it had to be done.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:29 am
HAHA! Great letter. RIP Mikey!
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:29 am
Eww spiders are NEVER welcome in my house. Toilet drownings happen quite often in the Petrarca household. No, I do not consider myself a killer…if they cross the line and step into my home (Breaking and Entering) THEY’RE DONE!!!LOL!
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:32 am
Maybe Mikey survived the plumbing and has now found a waterspout to conquer :)
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:33 am
Congrats on being the SITS blogger of the day. Loved this post……so funny and so glad I found your blog!
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:46 am
Hilarious!
Happy SITS Day!
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:54 am
Hey, congrats on your featured day!!! Cute letter to a spider. I wished they all just understood to exist but from a distance. I can stand snakes but not spiders….. leaving now with the chills up my spine.
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Congrats for being featured on SITS!
Aww, you made me feel sorry for Mr. Spider!
Funny stuff!!
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:08 pm
You are justified. Yuck! Spiders. Congrats on your day.
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Haha! I feel bad every time I kill a spider…but sorry kiddos, you just can’t invade my personal space. Hang out on the front porch, we’ll be best friends forever. Happy SITS day!
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:22 pm
LOL
This was a good one. Great letter!
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Oh, poor Spidey!! But boundaries are boundaries. No exceptions. Give ‘em an inch, they’ll take a mile.
Happy SITS Day!
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
He should be thanking you for prolonging his life. I would not have allowed even the corner.
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Ronnica, I am delighted to hear I am not the only one to “remove” spiders that dare to intrude in my space! We get these gigantic rainspiders in our house. They might be harmless, but I don’t take chances. Imagine being in bed and this BIG thing is above you? Sadly these guys don’t “drown” as they are too big for the drain. No, only a broom works…
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:47 pm
A guy alone in a car blowing bubbles at the traffic light? WEIRDO!
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:59 pm
I am not all that afraid of spiders like I am of roaches!! Yikes!!!
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:03 pm
How cute. I’ve drowned my share of spiders in the shower and sink too!
Enjoy your SITS day!
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm
EXCELLENT!! This was perfect!
World wide web *snort* You are FUNNY!
October 2nd, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Cute. I have killed a few Mikeys, too.
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Hi! I was just here last Thursday, I think.
I’m so with you on the spiders. I found one in my car yesterday on the ceiling crawling over my head a few times. He had to go. Really had to go. I don’t blame you at all.
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Eww. I am with you. I hate spiders in the tub!
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:45 pm
too funny! I love it! my sister is an arachnaphob – i’ll have to send your link to her. I hope you didn’t hit a nerve with Mr. Spider…or shall I say a “spider vein”? bwahahaha!
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:56 pm
How did you come to name him Mikey? LOL great story
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:13 pm
I love your post! I feel the exactly same way and what a clever way of talking about it.
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:29 pm
The World Wide Web of Spiders, too funny!
Happy SITS day!
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:14 pm
I love the post script. Gotta love irony.
We try to follow a no-kill policy in regard to spiders. With the thought that they eat the other yuckies that attempt to invade my house. But sometimes exceptions must be made. Like when they are huge and hairy. Or invade your personal space…
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:38 pm
I’m afraid our line sits at the front door… I’m not quite as tolerant of spiders as you are. Though, maybe if I gave them cute names like “Mikey” it might help. Very cute post!
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Ah, if only spiders could realize their boundaries, we could all live in peace.
Enjoy your SITS day!
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Happy SITS day.
I LOVE this post. Love it. Can’t wait to read more!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Absolutely hilarious!!! I agree that spiders do not belong in the shower. I personally have drown many insects because they crossed the line.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:57 pm
I have drowned a few of those in my tub. I have ALOT of them in my home. I am not afraid of spiders and don’t mind them because they catch flies and I really don’t like flies because they could leave maggots. But, when they are in my way when I want to take a bath, they are gone!
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:07 am
You had to make an example of him, had to!
And the part about the world wide web—genius :)!
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:10 am
Yuck…spiders. I always think they are going to climb back up the drain!
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:10 am
Yuck…spiders. I always think they are going to climb back up the drain!
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:10 am
Yuck…spiders. I always think they are going to climb back up the drain!
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:34 am
What a cute post! I don’t mind spiders, but I don’t want them in my shower, either. I think he’s down there in the drain, telling his friends about his big adventure!
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:19 am
Oh my word!!! That is too funny!! I am totally with you on the spiders and snakes thing. There is just no place for them in my life… or anywhere within a 100 ft of my life.
Came here via SITS!
Beth
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:19 am
Oh my word!!! That is too funny!! I am totally with you on the spiders and snakes thing. There is just no place for them in my life… or anywhere within a 100 ft of my life.
Came here via SITS!
Beth
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:19 am
Oh my word!!! That is too funny!! I am totally with you on the spiders and snakes thing. There is just no place for them in my life… or anywhere within a 100 ft of my life.
Came here via SITS!
Beth
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:39 am
This post cracks me up! Too cute & like you have no qualms, whatsoever about drowning a spider that find it necessary to join me in my shower!
Congratz on being a SITS girl the other day!!
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:55 am
You’re sweet to care about the spider’s feelings–I’m afraid I just crush ‘em and flush ‘em. (I just made that saying up!)
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I think you were more than fair. I don’t think I could have been as hospitable as you were. So you had to do what you had to do.
October 3rd, 2008 at 8:09 pm
This is really cute :-)
October 4th, 2008 at 7:59 am
The world wide web was so punny!!! Love the post because sometimes I really do feel bad..but they just CREEP me out!
October 14th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
I am a teacher and just today my 2nd graders rescued me from a spider by stepping on it! I always knew those kids were good for something :)