Ignorant Historian

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Yesterday afternoon my heart broke. I had to say good-bye to Joe and Bob, the two boys I regularly babysit. We’ve spent two days a week together since August, and I’ve grown quite attached to them.

Joe reminds me in so many ways of my brother and often acts like my little brother, too. He’s always asking questions about everything and is fun and loud, approaching life with questions, laughs, and yells. We’ve had lots of good discussions about everything from hairstyles and girls to politics and culture.

Bob is a little more reserved but is always a quick worker, jumping to whatever task I ask of him. He has a sharp mind that likes to think through math problems which totally reminds me of myself. He’ll roll his eyes when I try to give him a mini-lesson in geography or language, but he hasn’t realized that that only spurs me on.

As I left their house to head to work with other kids at Power Camp, I realized I was leaving a part of me behind. Even now tears are rolling down my face. These tears might have come earlier, but I knew that no matter how much I love these boys that I’ve invested in, there were other children waiting for me at camp who deserved all the attention, love, and instruction I could give them. As easy as it would be to not allow myself to get attached to these children that I have only for a few, brief hours, I know that attachment will necessarily come when I give them everything that I have to offer. Anything less than that and I am not serving my Lord and I am not serving them.

No, I have no children that the law would consider mine, but when these young souls are in my care I seek to fully grasp the opportunity I have to love, pray for, and encourage those who I hope to be the future leaders of our community, homes, and churches. I thank God for the passion He’s given me for these little ones, no matter how hard to love some of them can be when they are being outright defiant.

Yes, I require a lot out of the children in my care, but along with that discipline comes the very pieces of my heart. I have chosen to give my all to these children, no matter how many more times my heart will break.