A Church Taboo?
Posted in Once I Was a Kansas Girl and tagged with Children, Church, God, women on August 25, 2008Last night was our first night back at Awana. After being off all summer, I forgot how much I love working with that age: 5th and 6th grade. It was fun to be back with the “old” girls in my group and to get to know the new girls as well. They seemed to fit well together, and I’m sure to create a bunch of new memories. I was also pleased to have a couple of the girls who have moved on to Youth to come by and talk to me.
In the natural course of conversation last night, somehow the girls started talking about teenage pregnancy. Not a usual topic for church, but it never reached a point where I felt I needed to stop it. I think too often we shut down such talk and send the message that you can’t talk about sex at church (and really, we weren’t talking about sex itself at all). One of the girls mentioned that she had heard of a 12-year-old who had gotten pregnant. What were the other girls’ reactions? “That’s sad.” Yes, it is indeed. Another girl reminded the others that that’s why you don’t go into a room alone with a boy. And with that, we moved on to scripture memory.
This brief conversation made me think about whether or not I ever had such a conversation at church when I was that age. Of course I don’t remember everything from back then, but I seriously doubt that that was discussed at all, at least not around the grown-ups. If you grew up in church, was it ever discussed? I believe that “the talk” should be left up to the parents, but the youth need to understand that God is not just God of our lives at church, but every part of our lives. As these girls face tougher and tougher choices, they need to understand that God not only cares about what choices they make, but He is there to help them make the right choices.
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August 25th, 2008 at 10:00 am
I think it’s wonderful the girls feel free to discuss this subject with you. Taboo? Not in my opinion. Did we talk about it in church in my day? Well, yes. But at THAT age in my day, it was the early 70’s – we talked about almost everything. And got good advice from our Sunday School and youth leaders.
August 25th, 2008 at 11:16 am
We didn’t talk about that in our youth group — but it turns out we should have! If it hadn’t been a Taboo – a few people in our group might have avoided some heartache!
August 25th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
No, we never talked about anything like that at church when I was growing up. The church I go to now, on the other hand is totally different. I think the key ingredient is fostering relationships with kids. Then they are comfortable talking about those taboo subjects with those adults they feel safe with.
Thanks for stopping by my blog last week. I’m sorry it took me so long to check in with you.
August 25th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Nope, my youth group growing up never talked about it either. Which made everyone even more curious, I guess. But you are right….I think youth groups could encourage kids to make the right decisions, instead of just not saying anything at all.
August 25th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Yes, we talked about what to avoid (such as being alone) and alternatives to young one on one dating. As a teen it seems restrictive but as you grow up you see the wisdom of the rules. But you will always have those that break the rules. Sometimes just because. I think its good to discuss situations to avoid and what consequences of premarital sex can be.
August 25th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
The one thing I remember our 7-8th grade Sunday School teachers saying about dating is that you should take a Bible and put it between you and the boy in the car. That way, he has to crawl over Matthew, Mark, Luke and John to get to you if he wants to try anything. We laughed, as you probably are right now, but it got the point across that it is potentially harmful to be alone with a boy.
We didn’t have open conversations with our leaders in church, and although I agree with you that “the talk” should be left up to the parents, a lot of parents aren’t doing it, and kids don’t feel like they have anyone to have open conversations with.
Kudos, Ronnica, for not squelching the conversation when it started. I hope you offer more opportunities for your girls to talk with/around you about such topics.
August 25th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Yes, we talked about that at youth group and more. And it was about that time when I stopped attending. Looking back, I see that listening to Salt n Peppa’s Let’s Talk About Sex on the radio in the church basement, was probably not the BEST thing to do.
But it’s so funny you should blog about this, Ronnica. I was looking online at a sample of the new curriculum we’re using in September and they talk about…uh…oral sex. I was very happy to see that such things were discussed, but I certainly WON’T be discussing them in my group (I feel they are too young – although, I won’t ever not talk about it…I’m just not bringing it up and I’m not explaining it – that’s the parents’ job).
August 25th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Well done on letting the conversation continue and for being there ready to steer it in the right direction if it needed it.
August 25th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Interesting…I agree. Never be alone with a boy. Just a safe rule to live by.
August 25th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Back in my day, it wasn’t talked about and wasn’t quite so popular as teenagers having babies today. I think it’s good that they felt comfortable talking about it. It’s so easy at that age to think it can’t happen to you.
August 26th, 2008 at 1:48 am
Oh, your one of those cool older girls at church- except to them you’d be a woman. I remember we talked about EVERYTHING with our youth leader’s wife. She even let me get my driving experience in her car- my mom wouldn’t ride with us, and my dad was too busy with school and work.
August 26th, 2008 at 1:49 am
Oh, yeah, and thanks for the BATW comment Love.
August 27th, 2008 at 8:28 am
As a pregnant teen, I’m all about those conversations. I think the most damage we do is acting like it’s unacceptable behavior. I tell mine ALL THE TIME, it’s not that sex is a bad thing, it’s just not appropriate for young ages, unmarried people, etc.
August 27th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
You know that I am a kidder on my blog but I had thought about taking on Sex as a topic – from a Christian wifes perspective.
Sex was created by God for mankind and the enemy has hijacked it and made it seem vulgar. As I say this, and thinking that Christians should be able to take ‘It’ back, I don’t know if I could address it or not.
Great topic.
Jen
August 28th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I love Awana. We start our first club night next week.
I don’t really remember anyone specific having the “Talk” at church or even that it was discussed by any of my friends. I definitely agree the “Talk” should be left up to the parents, but in this day and age, there needs to be discussion about it in Christian youth groups as well.
August 31st, 2008 at 5:21 pm
I think as parents, we all strive to create an environment where our children would feel comfortable asking/talking about sex, pregnancy, etc., but even Christian parents often have a hard time accomplishing that. I would feel better knowing that it’s NOT taboo to talk about it at church so that if for some reason, my children don’t feel comfortable coming to me, at least they do have someone/somewhere biblical to go for advice.
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:02 pm
[...] I’ve had this post on my mind for several weeks, but many questions made me hesitant to post it. What if you reject me because I’m old-fashioned? What if the topic is simply too personal? What if I’m simply writing this out of pride? What if you think I’ll look down on you? What if the subject really should be taboo? [...]
January 20th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
[...] A Church Taboo? – Yes, I talked about teenage pregnancy at church with preteen [...]