I’m a disciplined person. I don’t say that in a self-promoting way, as will be obvious as you continue on in this post.
I’m always the person that gets their reading done. I turn in my papers on time, if not early. If I promised to do something, I do it. I remember to follow up with someone if there was something that needs following up. I dedicate two hours of my day for reading and read across several disciplines. I’m organized and can find what I need at any given moment.
At least most of the time. While these things are mostly true, these all happen with a little bit of outside pressure, usually from school. I can be a self-motivator, but most of time without that outside pressure, I’m lazy and lose motivation. It just becomes easier to put the hard stuff aside for the pursuit of my own pleasures. Who wouldn’t rather watch a movie than read an academic book? Who wouldn’t rather sit down with a bowl of ice cream rather than finishing up the last necessary tasks for school?
That’s exactly how it’s been the last week. I’m on my break between my summer class and my fall classes (they start Thursday), and I’ve done next to nothing. The dishwasher is only half-emptied. There’s a bag of groceries still on my table. Until yesterday, a pile of shoes was growing on my floor where I slip them off when I come home. The curriculum I’m to be writing for church is barely started, and my work at work is piling up. The books I want to read sit untouched next to my reading chair. My desire to go to the pool and swim laps has increased since watching the Olympic swimmers, but that hasn’t actually motivated me enough to put in the time and effort.
Sure, it’s okay to take a break. They’re necessary. But is my I-can-do-it-later attitude during my break going to characterize my life when I no longer have the pressure of school? Does school act like a girdle, holding the body in proper shape? When I’m not a student any longer, will my life be scattered, unorganized, and unsightly? Or does school act like a jello mold, allowing life to set in an appetizing and usuable way?
This is just something I’ve noticed about me, and it’s not too pretty. While my life shouldn’t be ruled by my self-imposed regulations and goals, that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be there to guide me.
We’re all motivated either internally, externally, or a mix of both. While you make it sound like you’re all external- my guess is your faith is too strong for you to not have some internal motivation.
You’re on vacation. Our brains need a little vacation now and then from the routine. Think of it as your “sabbath” or your “It’s good” time for rest. And it’s more than a day? Think of how much time you’ve saved up for rest.
One day, full-time emplyment will take the place of school (I’ve recently been there!) and your investments will be there instead of in school.
There’s always something vying for our attention and focus. Enjoy the moments you have :)
Yeah, but you are getting a partial break right now. It’s nice to relax and have time to just be you.
And go you- working full-time and bring in school! I wasn’t able to do it. I basically lived on loans through undergrad and grad. Looks like you’re a world-class multi-tasker to me (Don’t you wish the Olympics had a gold for that??!!)
I so get this. School(work,deadlines,etc.) are totally a girdle, but a good girdle.
It is like safety rails along a bridge, maybe. There for my protection, not to lock me in.
Good post.
Oh goodness I can totally relate. During the school year, I am incredibly focused and disciplined, but during the summer? Nope. I just do what is required. It’s something I’m working on, and when I enter the working world it will change drastically…but I still feel a sense of guilt.
You strike me as being quite driven internally. I would be very surprised if, after you complete school, your life becomes, “scattered, unorganized, and unsightly.”
You know, even in our Spiritual life, there are times of growth and times of rest. It’s like we were programed with a need to veg out a little.
Reading your profile and seeing all that you have accomplished, I wouldn’t sweat it if I were you. You are really making a great life for yourself and I admire you. Well, you and the Lord. I know He gets Kudos for your accomplishments too!
Jen
I am adding you to my Christian Bloggers Blogroll. I don’t do blog maintenance enough and it is high time I did.
Jen
Maybe you’re just pooped. You know who you are. Not going to school anymore won’t make you be undisciplined. It’s part of who you are – we can see this by reading your blog – you are an amazing intelligent, articulate woman who appreciates structure, boundaries, discipline, and all that goes with it. God gave you those gifts. And the gift of rest. Enjoy!
Girl, you are not alone. When summer started, I was ready. But as the summer wore on, I grew to desire the natural schedule that comes with the kids in school and The Man Beast and I both at work. Now that I have this schedule I’ve been desiring for the past month and a half, I’m finding it difficult to find my balance.
I see it like this: you make time for what’s important. If keeping a tidy house is important to you, it won’t matter if you’re in school or not – you’ll keep the house.
But my guess is you’re taking some time to unwind before the next semester starts.
Look at it this way – if you’re thinking about this now, once you graduate, maybe you can tackle it first hand.
I wouldn’t worry. It happens to all of us. After working hard for so long, you start rebelling against deadlines and schedules. I think you’ll still be driven even after school is done and over with. :-)
Organized, chores done, scheduled … I was all that and more when I was in school and even when I was working fulltime. Then I got married. Then pregnant. Now a mom and homeschooling. I have had to learn to lighten up on everything. It has been especially interesting for me – a very type A personality – being mom to a very type B kid. Quite a lesson for me.
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