It Just Ain’t about That
Posted in The Historical Faith and tagged with Boys, God, Singleness on February 24, 2009Something clicked for me in the last week or so, that has never made sense to me before. I’m not sure how I didn’t get it, it’s not something difficult to understand. Certainly I’ve seen/heard the lesson in a dozen places, but it never registered. The lesson?
My life isn’t about my marital status.
Really, that should be obvious, right? Over and over the Bible says, “Trust in the Lord,” “fear the Lord,” “seek the Lord,” and “keep His commandments.” None of these require me to be married.
So all this time I’ve been longing for a boyfriend, my desires have been misplaced. It’s not that marriage isn’t a good desire, it’s just that it’s not where my focus should be. Instead of spending so much time thinking about the ring that’s not on my finger and the man who I can’t call mine, I should be pursuing God and His righteousness. Instead of trying to make myself dateable, I should be seeking to be a holy woman of God.
Of all the characteristics that God clearly wants His followers to be marked by, “married” just isn’t on that list. It’s not that He doesn’t care about marriage; it’s just that He desires my holiness more. I should seek wisdom, instead of just how to become a wife.
Though I know most of my readers are married, I wanted to share this with you anyway. Just as it has occured to me that life isn’t about my marital status, life is not about the money we make, the job/title we have, what others think of us, or how well we keep our houses clean and in running order.
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February 24th, 2009 at 4:15 am
A lovely post. Thank you! I especially liked the way you ended it.
These are reminders that we all need from time to time.
-Wenda
February 24th, 2009 at 9:08 am
I think you’ve gotten it. Life isn’t about a relationship with a man. It is about a relationship with the God-Man, Christ Jesus.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Absolutely!
My 13 year old asked me this morning if I thought is was weird that she didn’t like any body right now (as in a boy)
I told her absolutely not. I think it is so sad and a waste of time when that is the only goal for some girls. I really wished I hadn’t wasted the energy I did when I was younger. I met my husband in the most unexpected way when I was just going about life. I wasn’t searching him out. It just happened. I hope my daughters live their life to the fullest focused on their relationship with the Lord whether there is a husband involved or not.
♥
Joy
February 24th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
So true, It’s not in the label.
It’s who we are in Christ that matters.
I used to be introduced as the Pastor’s wife. That disturbed me because I felt it came with an awe that was undeserved. I was no different than any other wife. So I began saying, “I am the wife of a Pastor–as in job description–just as you might be the wife of a plumber or electrician, etc.
We’re all on equal plane in Christ!
I hope this made sense.
February 24th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I know it’s hard to be single and only want to think about marriage. Your enlightenment on this truth, though, is right on. You can be godly without being married, and I think it’s often easier to be focused on spiritual growth without having to be concerned about what your mate is doing. Do you know the author/teacher Nancy Leigh DeMoss? She is a single woman in her 40′s who has an excellent ministry to women via radio, books, and other venues. I appreciate that she has a voice, even as a single woman. You might check out some of her resources.
February 24th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Thank you for stopping by my blog today! I enjoyed reading your post on “marital status.” It is definitely true that marriage is not the ultimate goal for our lives. Serving our Father and loving him and pursuing a relationship with Him is our ulimate goal! Oh and ….”Delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart!”
February 24th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
And to appropriate that for my life: My life is not about where we’ll be moving next. Ahem, I have some reprioritization to do…
February 24th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Girl, I am married.. and even when you are married life is not about your marital status.. I admit (to you here..) that I have been secretly envying women who are not married lately, because it seems that society categorized married women (specialy mothers).. as in here is a broom and some laundry detergent and have fun!
February 24th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
I kind of disagree. I think that you should be working on making yourself dateable…by becoming a woman of God. I found that when I started trying to focus on my spirital life, people found me more “dateable” as you put it then ever before. I actually met my husband at my highest point spiritually, and I definitely attribute it to that.
February 24th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
not married….and it helps.
February 24th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
And I’d like to add that being a Holy Woman is different for all women but the same as well. The same as in if we have our proper focus (serving the Lord) then we are holy in different ways. I might find Holiness by serving my children and family and neighbors in every day ways. Someone else might find it out in the work-force being a good example and sharing the Word. Others still, by being a full-time missionary. I’m so grateful for ALL the Holy women I know, the good examples they are to me. Super Post Ronnica!
February 25th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Great point! Our household is doing the same.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
February 25th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
I think this is a difficult topic. So often married women (and unmarried alike) make their lives about their marital status instead of about God. I think it’s completely ok to desire what you do and to even work to make yourself beautiful on the outside. I’m so glad you remember, though, that the inside of the cup is what REALLY counts. It’s great to be beautiful outwardly but eventually people will see through that to your inward self. I think you are a beautiful Christian woman and am so glad that you are learning to be secure in Christ alone…and not in whether you are married (or even dating) or not : )
February 25th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Right on.
I have found myself in that same position before. In fact, I had others point it out to me. You know I started my new job just after I broke up with Mr. Burns. I was (and still am) so upset that relationship didn’t lead to marriage – I had put so much of my hope in that. So as some of my co-workers were getting to know me, they saw that I really wanted to be married. One of them tried to point out (she’s divorced) that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. But let’s be honest here – it’s something we are sort of raised to expect as a given. Our parents expect us to get married. We expect ourselves to get married. What other thing in anyone’s life do they just EXPECT to happen as a rite of growing up? Of course it’s disapointing when you find yourself grown up and still alone.
February 26th, 2009 at 1:47 am
It is a privelege to be a part of your ah ha moment. Seeing God work through your life could reveal something to someone else. I am waiting for the lesson of “My life is not my weight” to sink in.
I am hopefully going to post those questions Saturday.
March 2nd, 2009 at 7:11 am
Found this post on “Best Posts of the Week” – I relate to this! A couple years ago I realized I had placed too much emphasis on men and dating. I realized it was time to put emphasis on ME and just trying to be the best person I could/can be. I’m not fussed by the single thing any longer. :) I’m happy being me and if I find someone who enhances my life – great – if not – no worries! I’ll continue working on myself and being the best ME I can. :)