Comments on: Does Our Culture Idolize Single Mothers?

By: WhatACard

WhatACard — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 12:52:46 +0000

I think part of it is our love for a good “overcomes adversity” story, or a “made a mistake and turned it into something great” story. Like my next door neighbor growing up…got pregnant at 14…clearly a mistake. Raised her child as a single mom (he’s now in middle school!), and they’re both doing great. She’s now married with a second child. So I guess I respect that she took a tough situation and not only made the best of it, but really succeeded for both herself and her child.

One of my friends also lost her husband to cancer when their twins were only 6 months old. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Knowing how difficult it is, it’s hard not to idolize her a little.

But as people have said, it’s just the success stories that are idolized. In fact, sometimes I think we as a society can be too hard on people who falter in a trying situation, like single motherhood…

By: jennifer

jennifer — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 18:32:38 +0000

First of all to my Single mother readers: Hi!…. LOL! I cracked up at that for some reason. Hi! *giggle* Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for the giggle – Hi! :D

Oh Ronnica – great post. You are so bold in your topics. I think society emphasizes single motherhood because it is a difficult situation. Regardless of how they became single mothers, they have have sacrifieced so often to raise their child.

I am SO thankful to be raising my kids in a two parent home. I know I am blessed.

By: Ronnica

Ronnica — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 14:54:44 +0000

@bluntdelivery: Me too, whenever possible. Though I have a heart for adoption, I won’t even think about doing it single. I can’t strip away the opportunity a child has to have a father. I will do whatever I can to support children regardless.

By: Iva @ Horizontal Yo-Yo

Iva @ Horizontal Yo-Yo — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 23:45:15 +0000

I think there are two groups of single parents, just like I think there are two groups of married couples. The first group – in a nutshell – is doing their best to raise their kids, regardless of whether there is just a mom, just a dad or a mom and a dad in the family. The second group is lost/dysfunctional, whatever you want to call it. These are the individuals (or couples) who have been either not been shown the way or have chosen not to follow it. This is the group that are struggling and their children are getting lost in the shuffle.

Having kids that ‘turn out’ is a matter of luck. Sure, it’s great if there’s Mom and Dad at home who love each other very much – but whether we turn out
‘good’ or ‘bad’ – has more to do with our own choices. Yes, that foundation really needs to be laid (regardless of who lays it: Mom and Dad, Mom, Dad, Teacher, Pastor, Coach, etc) – but what of those who have overcome obstacles? Those who by all accounts, should be repeating the cycle from which they came?

Personally, I think it all comes back to the fact that as a society, we all love a good underdog story. The single mom who goes to work full time, goes to school full time and still finds the time to volunteer in her kids’ school, scouts, soccer team, etc? Yeah, Mom! The under privileged child who overcomes so much – Homeless in Harvard anyone? Yes! Inspirational!

Are these people deserving of their kudos. Of course. Should they be put on pedestals? Probably not.

By: bluntdelivery

bluntdelivery — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 21:51:33 +0000

i think, in a way it’s become the cool thing to stay single and adopt kids. to kind of be supermom.

not that there is anything wrong with this, but i still believe a kid needs a mom and a dad to grow up with a good balance on life. however, living in a home that is disfunctional, they might be worse off than if they just had one parent.

By: Cara

Cara — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:52:48 +0000

Raising a child is HARD. Doing it on your own? I can’t imagine. I think the reason our culture is so positive when a child of a single mother is successful is because we hear so many horror stories about teenage mothers, welfare mothers, etc, that we need to balance it out. At least to some degree.

By: Ronnica

Ronnica — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 14:26:09 +0000

@Valentine: It does have a bit of a we-give-you-an-inch-you-take-a-mile feel to it, doesn’t it?

EXCELLENT point about how single motherhood is shown on TV/movies. Rachel is a great example…I mean, really, did her life change at all when she had her baby? She still seemed to hang out just as much with her friends and have as much energy as before.

@Michelle: They’re just taking their cues from the Western fairy tale canon. Now why it’s like that in the first place, I don’t know.

@Pretty Prats: Thanks, I like those, too! I think the best part of most posts is the comments, but these comments are better than average!

Thanks, everyone! This has helped me think through these issues. Still chewing…

By: Irish Coffeehouse

Irish Coffeehouse — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 12:20:53 +0000

I personally do feel the degree of ‘awe’ more times than not, crosses the line into a mild form of idolization. I don’t think it’s intentional, but I do believe as a whole we tend to forget that yes, there is blame on both ends.

By: Pretty Prats

Pretty Prats — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 07:12:25 +0000

I really found some nice statememnts here :

If a child turns out “well”, it is most definitely the product of more than the mom (i.e. the help of teachers, church members, family, etc.).
—
I definitely think that there needs to be more of a focus on teenage fathers. They’re just as responsible (meaning irresponsible) for their own actions. There’s no place for the “Boys will be boys” excuse.

In all this was a real good post and comemnts included :) Good to read all the views :)

By: Betty

Betty — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 04:29:10 +0000

I don’t think I idolize single moms but I think I have sympathy for them and a better appreciation for them in the fact my mom was single but not by her choice (my dad died when I was 18 months old, living her a widow with a 18-month-old, 3-year-old and 5-year-old). I know how hard parenting is with 2 parents involved, it must have been tough with just 1 parent. I think she did an admirable job with what she had to work with and us 3 kids turned out pretty good.