Don’t look now, but I think I want to be single.
I feel like I talk my singleness to death on this here ole blog, but it’s something that I deal with on a daily basis, so I guess it’s something you, dear reader, have to hear about. The tenor of these blog posts on my marital status tends to be: “I wish I was dating/married/a mother, but I want to be content where I am.” Rest assured, this post won’t be anything of the sort.
Just last week I was contemplating my life. Not the how-do-I-live-moment-to-moment or even the do-I-have-a-purpose type of contemplation, but the I-want-to-live-this-day-over-and-over-again kind of contemplation. I like singleness: the flexibility, the alone time, the choosing what I want to eat and when, the extra time I get to dedicate to my favorite pastimes.
If I marry and/or have kids, these things will necessarily change.
I’m not saying that my motives are all right in this (I’m working on that one), but there’s some good in it. First of all, I’m spending more time dwelling on the life God has given me than on the life that I want. Secondly, one of the major motivations for remaining single is that I have more time/energy/resources to minister to others in and out of the church. I could still do this if I was married, but a greater part of those resources would have to be spent on my family.
Of course, most of this is feeling-based, and as we all know, feelings change (over and over again). While I was to the point of tears only a few weeks ago with an extreme desire for a husband and children, now I’m reveling it up in my current life. If I were to remain single the rest of my life, I’d want my feelings to stay as they are, but I doubt that’s going to happen. Actually, I know that’s not going to happen, because I’m still not immune to crushes.
Watch out, I think I might be seeing some green grass growing in between my toes.
Photo by *sean