Greener Grass Right Here
Posted in Solo Historian and tagged with Boys, Church, contentment, Ministry, singleness on June 1, 2009
Don’t look now, but I think I want to be single.
I feel like I talk my singleness to death on this here ole blog, but it’s something that I deal with on a daily basis, so I guess it’s something you, dear reader, have to hear about. The tenor of these blog posts on my marital status tends to be: “I wish I was dating/married/a mother, but I want to be content where I am.” Rest assured, this post won’t be anything of the sort.
Just last week I was contemplating my life. Not the how-do-I-live-moment-to-moment or even the do-I-have-a-purpose type of contemplation, but the I-want-to-live-this-day-over-and-over-again kind of contemplation. I like singleness: the flexibility, the alone time, the choosing what I want to eat and when, the extra time I get to dedicate to my favorite pastimes.
If I marry and/or have kids, these things will necessarily change.
I’m not saying that my motives are all right in this (I’m working on that one), but there’s some good in it. First of all, I’m spending more time dwelling on the life God has given me than on the life that I want. Secondly, one of the major motivations for remaining single is that I have more time/energy/resources to minister to others in and out of the church. I could still do this if I was married, but a greater part of those resources would have to be spent on my family.
Of course, most of this is feeling-based, and as we all know, feelings change (over and over again). While I was to the point of tears only a few weeks ago with an extreme desire for a husband and children, now I’m reveling it up in my current life. If I were to remain single the rest of my life, I’d want my feelings to stay as they are, but I doubt that’s going to happen. Actually, I know that’s not going to happen, because I’m still not immune to crushes.
Watch out, I think I might be seeing some green grass growing in between my toes.
Photo by *sean
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June 1st, 2009 at 2:06 am
My life did change when I got married, but honestly, since we don’t have kids, I still have a lot of freedom and we still have a lot of spontanaity in our life.
June 1st, 2009 at 7:42 am
Definitely a good way to look at it and all points are true. Enjoy!
June 1st, 2009 at 7:43 am
I’m glad that today, you are content. Sometimes, I miss my single days. I wouldn’t go so far as to say envy…but it’s close.
I think it’s important to be content (and dare I say, happy) where ever God has you because where ever He has you, it’s where He wants you, and you can still do great things.
June 1st, 2009 at 7:58 am
I think it’s human nature to want to get to the next “stage” in life. And to think “I’ll be happy when….”. Being content in the here in now is much harder. Sounds like you are doing a good job of it though.
June 1st, 2009 at 8:18 am
My mom always says her single days are some of the best she had, especially in a chance to grow closer to the Lord. I’m trying to keep that in mind. I haven’t dated a lot (only had two boyfriends), but I just broke up with one. While it was difficult and painful, I have to say I enjoy not feeling smothered right now. (Not all dating relationships are smothering–this one was.) I definitely heard the Lord say it was time for an undivided heart right now.
Here’s to singleness and all it allows us to do!
June 1st, 2009 at 8:41 am
I will be the first one to tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying and appreciating your singleness. In fact, I think you SHOULD MAKE A POINT to do just that! Especially if you are focusing more on God through it! I hope you are able to do that more. I think God sometimes answers prayers when we least expect them. If you are content with where you are (single)and with God alone maybe that’s when he will give you someone!
June 1st, 2009 at 9:20 am
@Kristina: That’s great…but I can’t imagine (for me) not having children and being married. They probably won’t be biologically mine, but I have a huge heart for ‘em.
@Iva: I’ve realized that I need to seek to be content in God, because he never changes. That way, no matter what my circumstances, I can be content. Not that I have achieved that yet…
@Pam: Yep, the whole “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” thing. I just need this one more thing, but then when I get it, I want just one more.
@Elizabeth: I’m working on it, but I’m definitely a work-in-progress. I can definitely say that this is the closest I’ve ever been, but I think there’s still a long way to go.
June 1st, 2009 at 11:04 am
Great perspective Ronnica.
Enjoy life.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:04 pm
I think Elizabeth is right on target – enjoy your life right now!
June 1st, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Hey, I think you should TOTALLY revel in these moments. As you say, the feelings change (over and over again) but if you can (as Lynda said) enjoy your life right now for what it is – then praise the Lord and hallelujah! Singleness IS great and DOES have its definite perks. Marriage does also, kids or no kids. But being content? That’s glorious. So for today – live beautifully in your singleness! I’m glad for your expression of joy and thank you for sharing it!
June 1st, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Being single is awesome, because when you are single you are in relationship with the most important person ever; yourself. Being single can also make you ready for what you actually want in mate, give you the courage to fight for it and less likely to settle for something that’s not god enough.
Also, I loved your comment on my blog…Kinder kids are hysterical…I would have said the same thing about Nintendo at the that age, “What could be better than Nintendo?” Its so exciting to think about what kids will have twenty, thirty years from now!
June 1st, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Yes- singleness has its benefits, but I also look forward to the sanctification process of marriage. As you have said, the goal is to find joy in every season.
P.S. I thought of you in church yesterday when I saw this dear woman in a BRIGHT orange skirt and matching orange blazer. She was a vision of orange. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously mistaken!
June 1st, 2009 at 4:18 pm
You have such a good attitude, and I know it’s hard to look at the positives when it seems like everyone else has their family. I thank God for the blessings I have and realize that he is going to direct me in the way he chooses.
Good luck!! You’re an incredible lady!
June 1st, 2009 at 4:26 pm
i hate advice, i truly do. it’s always given out of selfish reasons, but, with that being said, here is the only advice i have ever taken or passed on and it really is good.
“if you’re not happy with the life you have, you’ll never be happy with the life you want”
i don’t have kids, and sometimes i think that i will be happy once we have kids, but in reality if i’m not happy without kids, i certainly won’t be happy with them, they can only add to the happiness i already had…i hope this makes sense.
June 1st, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Married, single, widowed, divorced… the key is to know who you are in Christ regardless of where you are. That sounds like a pat answer, but it isn’t always easy.
And there are struggles and difficulties in all of the above.
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:15 am
Thank you for writing this. I needed to read it.
I feel like I was happily single for a very long time – but man I am so over it now. ( I turn 39 this month)
Yes, I know I should be cooperative with God and be happy where he has me – but I’m also resentful that the world promotes these expectations (everyone gets married). but then points this ‘You’re ungrateful’ or ‘You’re desperate’ finger at me for wanting what I was taught to expect.
But I’m working on it.
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:51 am
@Carrie: Yes, contentment is more important than your situation in life!
@Ms. Knitter: Well, I would more think my relationship with God is the most important, and singleness definitely allows me to focus on that without as many distractions.
@Jenny: “the sanctifying process of marriage” – yes, yes. When I hear that though, it doesn’t sound “fun,” but I guess that’s not what we’re to be seeking anyway. Thanks for thinking of me when you saw the orange outfit. ;)
@Allison: Thanks…I’ll always take a compliment! I must say, this whole “contentment” thing is VERY knew in practice, though it’s something I’ve been working on. I have to be careful that I remember in WHOM I’m to be content in.
@Valentine: That’s so true. It has nothing to do with our situation with life, but our attitude in it!
@TRS: I’m glad it could help you. I’m doing my part to instill in the lives of the girls I know that not EVERYONE gets married, and that they can enjoy life and serve God either way.
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Great way to look at it! While it is hard to see in the moment, there are a lot of positives to being single. Enjoy each day!
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:35 pm
And just as single people sometimes wish to be married, married people sometimes wish to have a little bit of their singleness back. I wish we could save up days from different phases of our life and disperse them as we see fit over the whole length of it!
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
It’s so much better to enjoy your current state than long for the other side of the fence. I sadly don’t know what it is to be single for a long period of time and be happy with that freedom. I’m the kind of girl who just falls into relationships, and long ones. So I always wonder what it’s like living the single life, having no attachment to someone else in this manner, but I wouldn’t trade my boyfriend in for that lifestyle.
Once you aren’t happy with your status is when things are able to change. Why try to change something though if you’re happy and content?
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:19 pm
It’s hard to say because I’ve found joy in both areas of my life. Great post!
June 6th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
The grass is always greener so no matter what we’re unhappy. Wow, I didn’t realize I was a pessimist.
Anyway, visiting from BPOTW. Nice post!
John
http://johnandstevearehavingababy.blogspot.com
June 7th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
I have to agree about enjoying yourself where you are at the moment. It’s a waste of time to wish for things you don’t have.
Thanks for linking with BPOTW!
June 8th, 2009 at 10:44 am
@Mrs. Mouthy: That would be nice. I know I’m going to miss these days if I ever get married.
@Jeve: Though we certainly tend towards discontentment, I think it’s POSSIBLE to be content. Certainly not our default, though.
July 6th, 2009 at 12:07 am
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July 31st, 2009 at 12:36 am
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March 5th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
So I’m in a contemplative mood, and thought I’d read a contemplative post of yours. This one suits me perfectly at the moment.
You are absolutely right to enjoy where you are at right now. This is where you are supposed to be. Marriage changes everything; heaven knows that a baby is an irreversible change, for better or for worse, as well. Instead of focusing on what I want to do, on how I want to best spend MY time, it necessarily has to be what WE want to do, how WE want to best spend OUR time. It is, frankly, a difficult adjustment to make. Not that I would trade my husband and life with him for anything, but it is a challenge that no one really realizes until they are actually undertaking the journey. So enjoy the time you have as a single woman. Revel in it!