There are some days I’m perfectly content with being single and loving my peaceful life.
And then there are days like today when the desire to be a mother is so overwhelming that it brings me to my knees and tears to my eyes.
I love working with the children, I truly do. I love the special relationship I can build with them as I teach them about the Lord, have fun with them, and talk with them one-on-one. I love how they’ll crawl all over me (the youngers) and talk to me like I’m one of them (the olders). I love the look they give me when I pat their back or run my fingers through their hair. I love how their eyes light up when they have a story they’re just busting to tell me or when they’re laughing at my silliness. And I love at the end of the day, that I can point them to their parents and say, “See you next time!”
But more and more each year, these little ones remind me that I don’t get these experiences everyday. Though I get to see many of the children grow week to week and year to year, I don’t get to be the one to guide them day and night. I want that.
But until then, I pray Lord, make these precious moments enough.
Photo by just Luh
Your honesty is wonderful.
Hugs to you Ronnica.
I DO get this. I really, really do.
Thank you, ladies.
I love your honesty. And I will pray.
Thanks, Carrie.
I highly recommend adoption :) There are thousands of kids that would love a mom right here in the USA.
@Lynda: I have a heart for adopting…when I’m married. I know some single women adopt, but I won’t.
Being around kids has that effect, doesn’t it?
Virtual hugs, Ronnica!
Ronnica, great post. I can remember the eve before my daughter started preschool. I prayed for a teacher like you. While holding your students close to your heart remember you are impacting lives, not just your students but the families they belong to as well….. Thank you for your gift.
It’s wonderful that you get to spend time with so many children.
Being a mom is wonderful, but sometimes it’s hard to appreciate all the little moments because you’re so caught up in the heat of the battle. I loved being an Auntie – you get a special relationship, but not as much of the work.
I hope you get your chance at motherhood someday soon.
@Kristina: Thanks!
@Starfish Mom: Thanks. I’m thankful of the parents that entrust their children to me!
@K: I look forward to being an aunt, too…especially since I’ll be their only aunt, thus by default the fun one!
I agree with Starfishmom…we do pray for someone like you to help us in the teaching of our children. Someone who has a real love for kids. I have deep compassion for women who ache to mother and haven’t been able to start that journey..YET. Keep the Faith, as I know you will. There is a plan for you!
Awww that’s exactly how I feel. Like, completely. Did you look into my head?
It’ll happen one day, when we’re ready. I have to believe that.
Their only aunt until my brother gets hitched, which may not be too far off. However, you will still be their fun one…you know, the one their parents send them to each summer…
Have you considered being a foster parent? This summer has really opened my eyes to the necessity of quality adults to foster a needy child. I know you don’t want to adopt as a single woman, but you really should consider fostering…or at least mentoring through an organization like Big Brothers/Big Sisters. You’d be awesome at it!
oh Ronnica. How i understand thee. I too, flip flop about every other day on my level of contentedness. Like today, after babysitting… i’m VERY content with my current childless state.
@Rhonda: Thanks.
@Ari and bluntdelivery: I’m glad I’m not the only one.
@Amanda: They better come visit me every summer! I’ve thought about foster care, but my life just isn’t stable enough for that now. I’d love to work in a group home though I know it’d be difficult.
Aww, this post is so truthful and heartwarming. I love how open and honest you are. I will pray that these moments are ones to cherish for you and that they are able to fill the void that makes you want your own children.
@Caity: Thanks!
I thought after spending enough lunches with my children on board that you’d be ready for nunhood…not motherhood…lol. Seriously, thank you so much for your honesty. I can’t imagine the Lord allowing you to continue in this desire to be a mother and not giving you a child one day. Keep hoping in Him!
I think it is a beautiful gift that you have that you work with children every day and feel this way. Maybe if you had children already you would not be where you are right now doing what you are right now, helping and loving who you are right now. Who knows what the future holds, but for now it seems like you are in a wonderful place;)
Thanks so much for stopping by on my SiTS day!!
Oh Ronnica, I know how you’re feeling as I was there waiting 5 years to be able to hold our little girl. God was so kind and loving to be there each time I felt like my situation was hopeless and ‘it would never happen’ by letting me just fall into his lap of mercy and by reminding me of his promises to me.
“Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning” was a verse He gave me to hold onto.
God bless!