In Pursuit of a Friend
Posted in The Life of the Historian and tagged with Friends, Wisdom on September 24, 2009
One day not too long ago, I looked around and saw I didn’t have very many friends.
I had noticed this situation for myself, but it came to my attention again when Jen, my friend who I spend the most time with, asked me who I share my problems with since she doesn’t hear about many from me.
In part, that’s because my life is quite problem- free (I have no idea how I was fortunate to have life so easy, though I’m not naive enough to think this will always be the case). Another reason is that I think through problems/situations by writing, not talking them out. Unless they’re something major, I don’t usually share them. Other things that weigh on my heart are really other people’s situations…things I can’t really share. But really, she’s hit on an important issue: I’m lacking in confidants.
I don’t mean this in any poor-poor-me way. I have good friends. In fact, I have GREAT friends. I don’t feel like I lack people I can talk to or just be me with. But, to be honest, there aren’t that many beyond a handful that I talk to with any regularity. My circle is small. In fact, it’s probably smaller than it has been at any point in my life.
I’ve never had a hard time making friends. Every time I’m thrown in to a new situation, I come up with some pretty great buddies. But somehow, when I left school last year (or maybe even before I left), I stopped making new friends. My current friendships for the most part have continued to grow, and while the introvert within me is more-than-satisfied on this issue, I know that it isn’t enough.
So, with that, I’m in pursuit of a friend. I’m going to try (I’m sure Jen will hold me to it!) to reach out to women that I want to know more, those whom I feel have a great deal of wisdom I could glean from. I won’t know which acquaintances will turn into friends without trying, will I?
Photo by My Cute Ladybug Photography
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September 24th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Definitely. I have very few close friends. But they mean a lot to me and I love having someone to vent to. My husband is great, but it’s just not the same.
September 24th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
There are friends and there are friends. My circle is small also, my choice. I have learned the hard way, a friend is one in whom you can confide, trust and always go to, they do not repeat or deceive. Make your choices carefully. GOD ALWAYS KNOWS AND CARES.
September 24th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
There are certain points in your life where it is great to have some people to confide in and others where you’ll be perfectly happy just having people around. I’ve moved around a lot (I had been in about 7 different schools before starting university) and so I’ve never really gotten close to people.
That being said, I think your plan is wonderful and I’m sure you’ll really appreciate the results at some points in your life. Friends are a wonderful and necessary thing. You are right, you don’t know until you try. Who knows, this could be a great excuse to try some new activities as well.
September 24th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I am in completely the same situation. After college, almost all of my closest friends moved away. The one friend that stayed is awesome, but she was starting a marriage and just had a baby so that left no time for me. The friends I have around me aren’t the people I confide in, thus I spend a lot of time writing as you do, or calling/texting them.
I recently joined Junior League in an effort to meet more women. It is an internationl women’s service organization that centers on women, children and families. I just joined so I’ve only been to three events, but the love and support I’ve recieved has been awesome. I haven’t developed any close friends yet, but I see the possiblities everywhere I turn.
Good Luck reaching out!
September 24th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Camille: I have a lot of possibilities, as I know a lot of people at church. Just since I’ve been thinking through this, I came up with a mental list of probably a dozen women that I would like to know more.
September 24th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
That doesn’t mean that I plan on having close relationships with all those women…but there are at least that many possible opportunities!
September 24th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
I’m in the same boat. So I decided to start a fieldtrip group for moms and kids a couple months ago. I haven’t come up with any closeclose friends yet, but I’m making friends, and that’s what’s important. The older I get, the more I want to just be a hermit. And that doesn’t benefit anybody! Getting out there has been good for me, my daughter, and my soul. Cheesy, but true.
September 24th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
I think its a great idea to be open to forming new friendships and seeking them out. I’m like you. I don’t need a lot of friends, I confide in very few. But I have a general group of gals that I pal around with. Different mix from neighborhood, church or my moms prayer group.
Sometimes they develop into deeper friendships sometimes we just keep it at a social level.
September 24th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Last night at our mid-week service God was really talking to me about this. I have always had a lot of really CLOSE friends. But since I graduated from college I’ve been living thousands of miles away from my “support group”. I have a large group of girl-friends here at law school, but because I’m the only Christian I don’t have enough in common with them to open up on a deeper level.
I was just thinking last night how there are all these ladies at church that I wish I was close to. That even though I know people LIKE me, I’m not heart-close to them, and I want to be. But that I need to get past feeling on the “outside” and take active steps to feeling on the “inside” if I want that to happen. Anyway, just thought it was funny that the same day I’m thinking about these things this post showed up in my Google Reader! :)
Thanks for writing about this!
September 24th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Pick me! Pick me!
September 24th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
It is definitely much harder to meet new people once you are finished with school. I’ve definitely found that as I’ve gotten older I have fewer friends, but the relationships are deeper.
September 25th, 2009 at 7:33 am
It gets a little trickier the older and busier you get. But totally worth it!
September 25th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
wait till you have a husband and kids! then you actually have to make timed appointments to be with your friends (ahem, in case you didn’t notice)! “I can meet you at this spot, on this day, at this time, but I have to leave by this time.” LOL. It gets pretty ridiculous sometimes! It is worth it though to make the time and invest yourself. I only have a couple of close friends…literally…friends that I do tell anything and everything to. I do tend to keep to my little circle. I have a hard time making new friends and am not usually eager to open myself up face-to-face with people.
September 25th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I, on the other hand, will tell a stranger my life story. ;o)
September 26th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
I think sometimes the friends that mean the most to me are the ones that I never really thought I’d be friends with. Just be a friend to everyone, and you’ll find those friendships that last forever.
September 28th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I have been very careful since we moved. I have prayed for a good friend and I don’t want a group of friends. Since pulling up roots from the move was so emotionally painful for me, I haven’t made an effort at all. So if we leave this community, there will not be anyone who misses me.
September 29th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Okay, you’ve either depressed or inspired me. I’ll have to decide later.
I don’t think I’ve really made a new friend in like 5 years and my only “confidants” are my hubby and my mom. Of course, I don’t have any real female friends, which may be part of the problem.