Book Review: Get Married by Candice Watters
Posted in Academic Pursuits and tagged with Book Review, Christianity, Singleness, Women on April 12, 2010
I’ll admit it: I want to be married. Probably not a huge revelation here on the blog, but it’s a hard one to make in real life. For whatever reason, it seems wrong to make that admission, like it’s a shameful secret.
That said, my reasons for wanting to read Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen by Candice Watters are pretty obvious. I was familiar somewhat with Candice (and her husband Steve) from Focus on the Family’s Boundless Webzine and Blog. If I wasn’t, I seriously doubt I would have picked this up. I hate the “just try harder” sentiment found in a lot of books written for Christian single women…it’s just discouraging. I get that I have a part to play in my own singleness. I could be thinner, more outgoing, more godly. I know all that…yet I also know that women like me are getting marriage proposals every day, and here I sit without a date (please don’t read a pity party into this, I’m just trying to be honest).
Thankfully, I didn’t get much of that from this book. She’s pretty blunt about a lot of things which doesn’t come off as encouraging, but when the sting of unrighteous indignation wears off, I get her point. There ARE things I can do to increase the likelihood that I’ll get married. A big focus in my life right now is being as marriable as possible: working on being content in GOD ALONE, getting body and finances in shape as well as trying to break out of my (very small) social comfort zone. These things happen to be the exact same things that will make be a better single woman, which is no coincidence.
As I was typing the title just now, I accidently wrote “What Women Can Do to MAKE it Happen.” No, that’s not what Candice is suggesting at all. She’s not presenting a magically formula or old-wives’-tale-like tasks to do (Sometimes I feel like I have to do the spiritual equivalent of hopping on one leg while balancing an apple on my nose to get married). But she does purport that there are things women can do to not only prepare themselves for marriage, but to make it more likely to happen.
I’m still working through what Candice had to say. I by no means have it figured out (and probably wouldn’t even if Mr. Right was knocking on my door right now…which he’s not). I’m glad that I’m reading Carolyn McCulley’s Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? at the same time, because Carolyn’s bent towards resting in God and Candice’s towards helping marriage happen are a good balance.
I would recommend this to someone who is unintentionally single…but put it down if you get frusterated. If you’re teachable (as I’m not always), you’ll recognize a thing or two that you can learn. I certainly still have a lot to think, pray, and talk through.
I first heard about this book from Carrie at Reading to Know. I think I read more books recommended by her than any other person, as I trust where she’s coming from. I would suggest also checking out Carrie’s review of Get Married as well as Candice’s other book, Start Your Family.
April 12th, 2010 at 7:09 am
Ronnica,
I’ve been married for 43 years, so I can’t relate to these books, but I pray that you find that special someone that God wants you to share your life with.
I’ve awarded your blog the Happy 101 Award. Visit my blog for details.
April 12th, 2010 at 8:35 am
I think it’s great that you are so open to continuously working on yourself to prepare for marriage. You have prayed expectantly, which is what we are told to do. You are preparing for God to answer you! What faith!
Also, it takes a very humble person to admit where they need to work on themselves. I’m glad that you are able to say, “yeah, I really need to do something about ___.”
April 12th, 2010 at 10:34 am
I think I come from a slightly different perspective. I wanted to meet my husband at a high weight, so that if I lost and gained again…which I do often… then he won’t be surprised. And he is a true gift from God. He likes me “bigger” than what the world says. He likes me with NO makeup. He is the exact opposite of most of these books. He thinks skinny girls are anorexic and need more curves and he loves the natural look. I know this isn’t everyone, but I am so thankful there are men out there like him. All that to say, pray that someone like you for you and all God made you.
April 12th, 2010 at 11:10 am
I hear what you are saying in this book. I got married at 26 which is no big deal in the grand scheme of things, but since most (if not almost ALL) of my friends married at 19 or 20 I felt very alone for a few years there!
I think you have the right perspective on this and on life in general. It’s a hard road to travel. That is a certain FACT. And I still get really annoyed that men seem unwilling to take necessary steps to be responsible and pursue marriage. I have a few single friends that are in the same position as yourself – they want to be married. And I know some 33 year old single guys who are still pretending like htey are 19 and 20 and it’s sickening and disheartening.
I think we, as a society, have a wrong view of what a blessing marriage is and it puts people like yourself in a position where, well, you really are having to trust God to meet your needs and be your all in all. Not a bad thing (definitely not trying to say that’s a bad thing!!) but still a lonely place as God made us for intimacy and fellowship. SO I DO pray for you and other singles that I know – that God will send you a husband. Because I think that’s important.
Not that it’s everythign. But it’s a GREAT blessing and it shouldn’t BE a shameful thing to admit in public that you, as a woman, want to be married. (And yes, I know exactly what you mean by that!)
April 12th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
Sounds like a book, that if nothing else, will get people thinking. Wanting something and not being able to attain it and not having control over whether or not you will (it takes a man asking) is always so frustrating. Sounds like you have a good perspective on the whole thing and for that reason, it will happen for you!
April 13th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Lillie: Thank you!
Liz: I’m not as good as praying expectantly as I should be. Definitely something that I’m working on.
Julie: I like that perspective. I’ll always be curvy…but I could still be curvy if I lose a few pounds. I don’t honestly care about my weight, but I can’t help but think that others judge me on it.
Carrie: Thanks! It is a hard road, but I also don’t want to think that life would be easy if only I get married…won’t make it any easier!
September 13th, 2011 at 12:34 am
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