Sadness, Loss, and Hope

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I’m emotionally raw. Staying up too late last night watching coverage of the rescue and recovery efforts in Moore hasn’t helped that.

I know I don’t talk about it much these days, but Oklahoma is near and dear to my heart. I spent 4 years of growth there, making lots of memories, getting to know lifelong friends, and (occasionally) studying.

In 1999, I was still living in Kansas, where we experienced our own May 3rd tornado. When I moved to Norman (one suburb over from Moore) in 2001, I remember watching the community grow and rebuild after that tornado with the highest recorded winds in history. Then in 2003, during final’s week, a tornado hits Moore again as we huddled up in our dorm fifteen minutes away.

When I heard yesterday’s storm was headed to Moore again, I couldn’t believe it. How does a community as small as Moore handle yet another storm? To see tragedy strike anywhere isn’t easy, but it’s not hard to think of it as just a news story.

After being away from the area for 8 years, I don’t have too many friends there anymore. Still, I know these people, these neighborhoods, these landmarks. For me, this was not one of the things you think, “Oh, that’s sad” and immediately turn your attention elsewhere.

Hearing about the school struck with a direct hit of this massive tornado made me instantly think of Newtown. It wasn’t long before the news coverage went there as well. To the news  anchors, it was the heroic acts of the teachers in the face of imminent death that was the connecting link. There’s definitely a story there.

But more than that, I pondered the link between the two as consequences for sin. Please read this carefully, because sometimes statements like this can be misunderstood and/or stripped of their context. I know others still have made statements like this and have meant that natural disasters are a direct judgment on specific people for specific sins. That’s not what I’m saying here.

Both cases like Newtown and natural disasters are caused by sin. In the case of the former, it’s the individual(s) perpetrating the crime who are sinning, following our first father and the sin nature that is in each one of us. But natural disasters, too, are caused by sin.

Because of the original sin (and each and every one thereafter), we live in a fallen world where such things as super-tornadoes can and do happen. Not primarily as “acts of God” (though they are within the sovereignty of God) but as indirect “acts of man.”

Were those affected by this storm more guilty than you or me? No. We all bear the guilt.

At the same time, through the death of the perfect Son of God on our behalf, we have the right to draw near to the One who comforts and heals. I pray that during this time of loss and tragedy more people will be drawn towards the only One who can provide eternal relief to our sad plight.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

I shameless borrowed that illustration from Facebook. If you made it, let me know and I’d be happy to credit you or take it down. Thank you.

A Hundredfold

This week, my pastor preached the parable of the sower. If you’re not familiar with this story, you can read it in Matthew 13.

It was a great sermon, which I recommend listening to (you can do so here). It’s certainly a familiar story to me, but I noticed something that I never have before. Verse 23:

“And the one on whom seed was sown on the good soil, this is the man who hears the word and understands it; who indeed bears fruit and brings forth, some a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty.”

This verse refers to those who hear the good news and act on it. But did you see that? They all may be fruitful, but not the same extent. Some produce thirty or sixtyfold, but then there are those who produce a hundredfold. They’re all fruitful (how could they not be if they have the Holy Spirit?), but not to the same degree.

I want to be the soil that yields a hundredfold. God’s work in and through me is only hindered by my own limitations. Each time I choose to serve myself, I miss an opportunity to be useful for God’s kingdom. If that’s really want, why do I so often choose to serve myself and my own pleasures?

To be honest, I don’t see much point in doing the Christian life partway. If I’ve bet on Jesus, I’m going all in. No excuses for holding back.

I know that my salvation has already been earned by Jesus’ work on the cross. In fact, that’s my motivation to give my life wholly to Him. It’s the least that I can do.

Photo by Jonny Boy

Merry Christmas

I hope that on this day that you will find peace and rest in the God who sent His Son to be born a baby on this earth for us.

“For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

- Isaiah 9:6 NIV

End of the World

If you’re reading this, let’s assume that the world didn’t end (and not that you were someone how in on it and decided to check my blog before you decided to populate the earth with your little alien babies).

While much has been made of today, some serious, most not, I know that some people hold a real fear of end-of-the-world possibilities. I don’t want to make light of those fears. Fear can be a healthy emotion. When in check, it helps us make reasonable decisions.

For example, fear from the recent tragedy in Connecticut may lead us to keep our children home with us at all times (unreasonable, irrational, and unhealthy), but it also may lead us to take reasonable precautions to guard our children.

Fear can grow out of hand when we’re not grounded in the truth of Scripture. In uneasy times, we have to remember that God never changes. He is not taken by surprise and ultimately His purposes will come about.

And that’s where our peace should come from.

So Much More

If you turn the radio to a Top 40 station (or more likely turn on Pandora), it won’t take you too long before you hear a pretty messed up view of this world. From Ke$ha’s partying-is-life to any of a number of songs extolling the self-gratifying nature of “love,” wrong thinking is all over the airwaves.

But it was when I heard Bruno Mars’s “Locked Out of Heaven” that I was the most saddened.

In case you haven’t heard it, the chorus is as follows:

“Cause your sex takes me to paradise
Yeah your sex takes me to paradise
And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah
Cause you make feel like, I’ve been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah you make feel like, I’ve been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long”

The lyrics equate sex to heaven, and I’m pretty sure that’s not meant to be a metaphor. What I find so incredibly sad about this is that there are so many in my generation who think just that: sex is the highest of all goods and the end of life.

Sex is good, but it really is just an earthly pleasure. God has given us so much more already and has promised even greater joy in the next life. Why should we settle for such a small pleasure as sex?

I grieve for so many who think that the pursuit of pleasure is what life is all about.

Top 20 Memories of My 20s

Now that this decade is winding down, I want to spend a few minutes looking back at the highlights of my 20s. While not everything went they way I thought (my 20yo self would have wanted my 30yo self to be married with 4 kids), it’s been an incredibly blessed 10 years as evidenced below.

20. I was quoted in the Washington Post (age 25). I actually forgot about this until someone mentioned it the other day. Some people dream of being famous, but my dream made me famous. Or at least a quote in a newspaper.

19. Losing weight (age 29). I still have a lot to lose, but I’m at least 28 pounds off my high weight.

18. Running free tax sites (ages 26-28). This was a good resume-builder as well as helped me grow in my organizational and leading skills.

17. Graduating from seminary (age 25). The biggest deal about this is that it’s been 4 years and I haven’t gone back to school. I highly doubt I’m done with school forever, but school was such a big part of my life that I was surprised at how easy it was to leave it behind.

16. Starting a garden (age 27). I’ve now gardened for 3 years and am getting into my rhythm. I hope to continue growing it so that I can get almost all my vegetables from my garden.

15. Moving out of seminary housing (age 25). Seminary housing was a blessing, but it was good to move out. It was also the first time in my adult life I had my own bathroom…sometimes it’s the little things.

14. Self-publishing my book (age 29). This was a life goal of mine, though I didn’t have any thoughts of publishing a best seller. I still would like to write something else someday, but I don’t know when.

13. The most emotional week of my life (age 26). There were several factors that went into that week that made it so emotional. Still, like some of the other “negative” things on this list, I grow the most during those times.

12. Graduating from OU (age 22). I never really had a doubt that I would graduate. I loved school and leaving was hard. I would have loved to stay in college forever, but I’m glad that I didn’t attempt that.

11. Our apartment fire (age 24). This was the first big time I got to see the overwhelming care of our Heavenly Father.

10. The week I watched 5 kids while having pneumonia, one of the busiest work weeks of the year, and a tornado pass within a mile of my home (age 28). As crazy as all that was, it’s really not a bad memory. It’s at the seemingly low points that God has showed me the most of Him.

9. Spending a summer in Phoenix (age 20). This may be the most memorable summer of my life.

8. Making an important decision about my future (age 28). Still not ready to talk about this publicly, but it’s coming.

7. My 3 months of unemployment (ages 28-29). This was a trying time for me, but one that I was glad I went through.

6. Moving into my own place (age 28). This was a crazy thing for me, because I never really wanted to live on my own. Still, I love it. I won’t rule out a roommate in the future (particularly of the husband variety), but I don’t mind living alone.

5. Spending 6 weeks in Turkey (age 21). I’ve been back twice since, but the first time was the most transformative. I love that country so much.

4. Starting my new job (age 29). This has been a year full of change, especially this one. I love my job and am very thankful to have a job that I love and can grow with me.

3. My brother’s wedding (age 27). While the day perhaps didn’t go as smoothly for me as I would like, I’m glad that I was able to keep my bug to myself. Really, this is important because it gave me a sister.

2. Moving to North Carolina (age 22). This was my 2nd blind move  in my life (where I knew no one where I was going). It turned out well (as did my first, to college), but it’s hard. I think it took me about a year before North Carolina even started to begin to feel like home.

1. My niece’s birth (age 29). I think this is the biggest thing that has happened to me this decade. I’ve wanted to be a mom for my whole life, but being an aunt is definitely the next best thing. I can’t wait to watch my niece to grow up.

Go Ahead and Wish Me a Happy Holiday

I used to be one of those Christians who would get upset about the removing of the word “Christmas” from the holiday season. I don’t exactly remember when my thoughts on “the War on Christmas” changed, but it has over the last couple of years.

I will fight to keep Christ in my Christmas celebrations and traditions. I have intentionally made decisions on what decorations, activities, and music I will include in my celebrations.

But I know that not everyone celebrates Christmas. I try to be sensitive of this and not throw my Christmas celebrations in your face (though I don’t hide them). I’ll even wish you “Happy Holidays.” Why?

Because I don’t want to put one more obstacle in the way of you celebrating Christ.

I don’t care what holiday you celebrate this time of year. But I do care who/what you are worshiping at that holiday. Sadly, most of the celebration around Christmas is un-Christlike. Why would I want you to go into debt giving landfill fodder and stuffing your guts like a glutton (all while convincing your kids there is an omniscient being who is not Yahweh)? I don’t want you to do any of that, whether it’s for a holiday with “Christ” in the name or not.

In fact, if you’re going to do those things, please don’t do them in the name of Christ. Isn’t that the very definition of blasphemy?

I’m afraid with the whole “War on Christmas” has made Christians look downright ridiculous. Why should we care what someone calls their tree-lighting ceremony when there are those who are without the Light (or a home to light)? I don’t want to focus on a minor issue when people’s lives weigh in the balance.

I know I’m not the first one to express these thoughts. I apologize that I’m not able to credit those whose ideas I have gnawed on and spat out as my own.

Photo by [ henning ]

This Time of Year

It’s my favorite time of year.

Growing up, I never knew how to answer the typical icebreaker question, “What’s your favorite season?” I was always torn: I love the hot weather of summer (but never liked being out of school), but my favorite events all happen in the winter, when I dislike the weather. Looking at it now, I realize what a grace this is not to have all the good parts of the year all at once.

As Lucy says to the thought of it always being winter without the hope of Christmas, “How awful!”

It’s hard to put my finger on what exactly I love about this time of year. I love giving and receiving gifts, of course, but that’s not all of it. I also selfishly love the attention I get on my birthday. But what I think I love the most about this time of year is the warmth. The warmth I feel when I look at my Christmas tree or sing along with my favorite Christmas songs. The warmth I feel when I’m nestled between my parents on their couch. The warmth I share when I write words from my heart to those I love.

Above all, the warmth of God’s love when I consider the fact that He willingly humbled Himself, being born a helpless baby in a poor family.

And I don’t want to lose the wonder of that Christmas miracle.

Photo by VancityAllie

Back to School

It’s that time of year…back to school time! It’s always been one of my favorite times of year.

No, I’m not going back to school. I’ve been out for almost 4 years and while I certainly won’t rule out going back, it’s definitely not on the 5-year plan. Still, this time of year, though a bit arbitrary for the non-student, feels like a fresh start.

I want it to be a fresh start.

I need a fresh start.

So that’s what I’m going to do. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve slowly been focusing on eating better and making some other changes. Nothing huge (yet) but baby steps.

But I’m ready to start making a few strides in the right direction.

Here goes.

Photo by José Goulão

Where Does Our Hope Lie? (re-post)


In spite of the gloomy weather, the impending crowning of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, and the prospect of tomorrow’s New Testament test, I’m feeling upbeat. You know why? Because none of this caught God off guard. He’s not thinking, “Uh oh! What do I do now?” What allows me to be filled with joy in this world of shifting sand is the constancy of the Creator who is ever faithful and ever true to His words that He’s so generously recorded for us in the Bible. Instead of looking at the waves and the wind, I need to focus on the steady arm of our Heavenly Father and the marvelous work done by His Son, Jesus Christ, on the cross.

What pessimism those who don’t have an all powerful, all good God must have! Where lies their hope? In themselves? I know I frequently let myself down. In humanity? One look at the many genocides and wars of the 20th century would cloud your outlook at any hope of an utopian society. In money? One tumultuous day on the stock market or one thief could take that all away. In a loved one? They may be here today, and gone tomorrow.

No, these things provide little realistic hope that tomorrow will be better than today, or that today will even be better than yesterday. Instead, let me join with Habakkuk and say,

“Though the earthly things I counted on do not come to pass,
Though my money and resources are taken away,
Though the people around me fail me,
And though the political future looks dim,
“Yet I will exult in the LORD,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet,
And make me walk on my high places.”
-Habakkuk 3:18-19 NASU

Thank you for allowing me to candidly speak from my heart.

Originally posted 11/8/2006