When I moved to North Carolina, I had only planned on staying here for school. I’m not a southern girl at heart, so this would not be my first choice of places to settle. But I have settled, almost entirely because of my church.

My church certainly has it’s flaws (it’s made up of sinners!), but I believe the trend is that we’re growing closer to Christ in word and deed. The elders and staff are great models and encouragers. They don’t allow us to get away with being superficial in our faith any more than they would settle to do so themselves.

In my church is where I started to learn what real ministry entails. It’s where I’ve learned to say, “I don’t know.” It’s where I’ve learned to love God and others more (though I have a long way to go).

I feel for those Christians who try to go it alone. What gifts and opportunities for sharpening their missing!

But I think I’ve also been helped through this time of uncertainty by knowing where I can find certainty. Immersing myself in Scripture has been incredibly helpful in reminding myself of the truths about what really is important.

Like most (if not all) Americans, I struggle with trusting in money for security. But what a foolish, flimsy thing to trust in! You’d think the stock market would have taught us that.

For me, I also tend to trust in my own abilities. I have been blessed with my natural abilities and with the education and opportunities I’ve been given, but ultimately these don’t amount to much. If and when I get a job, it may be humanly because of these things, but ultimately, it’ll be in God’s providence.

While I’ll continue to struggle with placing my trust in the wrong place, I choose to hope in the Lord. Not because I want Him to give me what I want (though, obviously, that is something I have and will continue to struggle with), but because I want to want Him alone. I believe all else is rubbish compared to Him, though I don’t always act like I believe that.

I choose to hope in God.

Last Sunday during the service, I started to tear up. Sure, it was the day before my last day at my job, but that had nothing to do with why I was crying.

I was overwhelmed by what God has done for me.

Yes, I’ve been physically blessed with many positions and talents and education enough that I might be tempted to trust in them for my next job. I have family and friends I love (and who love me). But I’m not talking about all this icing, I’m talking about the fact that God sent his Son to die so I don’t have to.

I can’t imagine loving someone that much.

As I mentioned in my 30 Before 30, I have wanted to celebrate Yom Kippur this year. If you know your Jewish calendar, you’ll notice that Saturday, not Friday is Yom Kippur. But because of the OU-Texas game on Saturday, I’ve decided to move it up a day. Not that God isn’t a greater priority than football, it’s just that I want to have no distractions and I know I’d have a hard time concentrating on other things with the game on, especially since I receive text updates.

So how am I going to celebrate? Well, I’ll spend the day (sundown to sundown) fasting and abstaining from television, secular books and music, and other people.

So that’s what I won’t be doing. What will I be doing? Praying, reading the Bible, worshiping through music, and thinking, for sure. But I’ll also be reading some of John Stott’s Cross of Christ and Sinclair Ferguson’s In Christ Alone. I’ll be crocheting and walking, the calmer things that allow for the quiet and clear voice of the Lord to speak through.

I don’t know what the outcome of this time will be. I don’t know what ugliness inside me God might reveal to me or what challenge God may give me. But I know that I want this time with my Lord, and I want to want time with my Lord more and more.

Elihu.

What, you don’t remember who Elihu is? Actually, I didn’t either, before this weekend. But reading Job this time around opened my eyes.

We don’t really know much about Elihu. He admits that he’s younger than Job and his other friends, yet in the end, joins in in accusing Job. I get the idea that he sat their observing their discussion, barely keeping his own mouth shut. Finally, he’s had enough:

“So I say, ‘Listen to me,
I too will tell what I think.’ …
I too will answer my share,
I also will tell my opinion.
For I am full of words;
the spirit within me constrains me.
Behold, my belly is like unvented wine,
Like new wineskins it is about to burst.
Let me speak that I may get relief
Let me open my lips and answer.”

- Job 32:10, 17-20

Hmm, that’s a great way to start out, huh? The narrative tells us that Elihu is very angry, and his words admit that he’s speaking more out of a desire to “just get it out” than a desire to edify Job.

Oh, I’ve been there. I’ve played the part of the immature, self-righteous know-it-all more often than I’d like to admit. I’m probably not done playing the part. I mean, in part I blog because I am “full of words.”

But the more I learn, experience, and study, the more I realize just how much I don’t know. I’m more careful about making assumptions and assigning motives, particularly to those who disagree with me. And I spend more time examining my own motives, my own underlying assumptions, and my own beliefs.

And I want to learn to be more of a listener than a talker. I’ve got a long way to go!

For the record, I don’t understand how Justin makes the leap to the idea that marriage can between two individuals of the same sex. Like in all issues, I believe the burden of proof in a Christian debate belongs to the one who is going against traditional Christian understanding. Not saying the Christian status quo is always right, but to go against what has been handed down to us through history, you should be able to provide reasonable proofs for that breakaway. I haven’t seen that from Justin, though to be fair, he says he will be addressing that more.

But is it wrong to be “gay?”

Yeah, I put “gay” in quotes, because I think that there is already a worldview assumption by labeling someone “gay” or “straight,” and that is that our sexual attractions are a defining characteristic. I don’t believe that’s the case.

I do believe people when they say that they were born with desires for the same sex. I was born with addictive tendencies, but that doesn’t excuse my addictive thoughts (“I have to have some ice cream”) and behavior. So I’m not opposed to the idea that someone is “born this way,” as long as they’re not using that an excuse for their sinful thoughts and behavior.

But I don’t think it’s right to say “God made me like this,” because God has better plans for your life than for you to be marred with sinful desires. Unfortunately, you are born with a sinful heritage and aren’t perfectly how God created you. But if you trust that He did the work to pay for your sins, you can be born anew. God doesn’t usually remove our sinful desires, but He can use them to mold us more into the person He wants us to be.

So then, is it wrong to be attracted to someone of the same sex?

Yes, and no. It is wrong to look lustfully at anyone other than your spouse, no matter their sex. But I don’t think it’s wrong if you look at someone and think, “Wow, they’re attractive.” But we rarely leave it at that, do we? Most of the time we continue to look, dwell on the thought, and play with it in our imaginations.

Sexual sin is rampant in our culture. Even among the most sexually conservative, it’s usually believed to be okay to look, but not touch. But this is not the standard that the Bible gives us (see Matthew 5:27-28).

God sets a hard standard for us. One so high that I believe it’s impossible to live by apart from the grace of God.

Ah, and that’s the sweetness. Regardless of our history and regardless of our desires, God offers us His mercy through His Son and his grace through His Holy Spirit.

While I don’t like the term “gay Christian,” I think it’s possible to be saved by the grace of the God and still struggle with homosexual desires. These desires can be frusterating, I’m sure, because there’ s no lawful (speaking of God’s law) fulfillment of these desires.

But all our desires will ultimately be eclipsed by God and great goodness and blessings.

So what is a Christian who struggles with same-sex desires to do?

First of all, they need to share their struggle with a couple trusted, mature friends. Hopefully, you’re already in a church family so that makes the choice easier. Your small group leader, a pastor or their wives would be good people to ask to come alongside you.

You may never be attracted to someone of the opposite sex, which means you may never get married. In that case, you’ll be given grace from God (day by day!) to live a celibate life. Will that be easy? Absolutely not. I know this because at least to this point, I’ve been called to live a celibate life.

I’ve already gone on longer than I usually do, but I don’t want to end before I encourage my fellow Christians to share the compassion and grace of Christ. That means we don’t joke about homosexuality or fear those who have homosexual desires.

Did you read that post (linked above)? What are your thoughts? You’re always great, but remember to be civil in the comments.

“That you see Biblical guidelines for what is appropriate and inappropriate for men and women in relation to each other not as arbitrary constraints on freedom but as wise and gracious prescriptions for how to discover the true freedom of God’s ideal of complementarity. That you not measure your potential by the few roles withheld but by the countless roles offered. That you turn off the TV and Radio and think about…” (see the challenge for the huge list of what to think about!)

I need to work on turning off the TV. It’s easy to turn to, especially when I get tired and work gets busy. I don’t think it’s evil, but I don’t need to b e watching every night, let alone several hours every night.

As far as gender roles in the Bible go, the “few roles withheld” become the sole focus of discussion, it seems. But it’s true that there are many more things that I can and should do than what I shouldn’t or what it wouldn’t be wise for me to do. Don’t believe me? Look at the list. And consider who has had the most influence on you. I’d guess that by and large, those people haven’t been in the big public teaching and preaching roles.

A whole lot more can be said on the subject and I know I haven’t provide any justification here for mine or John Piper’s (though I wouldn’t try to defend someone else’s beliefs) views on women in the church. Some of that I’ve said here.

Other Posts in This Series:

A Summer of Growth

Peace, Joy, and Strength

Daily Acts of Love

Women of the Book

Women of Prayer

Deep Thinkin’

No More Frittering

Exploiting Not Paralyzing

Fearless Tranquility

Keeping Me Honest

To Be God’s Free Agent

Finite Life

Wartime Mentality

Style and Demeanor

“That in all your relationships with men you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit in applying the Biblical vision of manhood and womanhood; that you develop a style and demeanor that does justice to the unique role God has given to man to feel responsible for gracious leadership in relation to women—a leadership which involves elements of protection and care and initiative. That you think creatively and with cultural sensitivity (just as he must do) in shaping the style and setting the tone of your interaction with men.”

And…this is a hard one.

I think what makes this one so difficult is that we’re so incredibly influenced by our messed-up culture. How men and women relate to one another have been one area where there is a lot of confusion, even in the church.

I’ve taken classes at seminary on gender issues. They were incredibly helpful, but I’m far from having everything figured out. I’m closer to understanding the theory than I am the practice.

Books and courses have been great, but I think the biggest place I’ve learned how to be a women a treat men like men is from the examples of those in my church. You can learn a lot by being invited (or wedging your way in!) into the lives and homes of those more mature and farther along than you.

Especially as a single woman, this is an area that I have to be humble and open to correction. I don’t have a husband to run ideas by or ask questions of. But there are people in my life that I hope feel comfortable to confront or correct me when needed.

Other Posts in This Series:

A Summer of Growth

Peace, Joy, and Strength

Daily Acts of Love

Women of the Book

Women of Prayer

Deep Thinkin’

No More Frittering

Exploiting Not Paralyzing

Fearless Tranquility

Keeping Me Honest

To Be God’s Free Agent

Finite Life

Wartime Mentality

So, on to more hard stuff. Today, John Piper challenges us women:

“That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life is short, that billions of people hang in the balance of heaven and hell every day, that the love of money is spiritual suicide, that the goals of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might, and maximizing your joy in ministry to people’s needs.”

I think the idea of wartime mentality—a metaphor found in scripture—is a helpful one. It reminds me of World War II when the whole country made sacrifices for the war cause.

So what does this look like? Let’s look at the wartime mentality in Scripture:

“Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier.” – 2 Timothy 2:3-4 NASU

This is such a vivid image for me. If I was a soldier, I would not worry about the little stuff, you know? I should have the singular focus in my life.

It’s hard not to have the same goals and aims as those around me. We pick up a lot from our environment, and everything we let into our lives will influence us. Not to say that I should be a hermit—I do wish that was possible sometimes—but I need to be immersed in Scripture to the point that God’s priorities become mine.

I also think getting outside of my comfortable, middle class, Western bubble helps gain perspective. I’ve been incredibly blessed, but most of the world hasn’t had the family, financial, and educational advantages I have.

I know the goal is not to have stuff. I know the point of life isn’t to be comfortable.

But I have to remind myself of this daily.

Other Posts in This Series:

A Summer of Growth

Peace, Joy, and Strength

Daily Acts of Love

Women of the Book

Women of Prayer

Deep Thinkin’

No More Frittering

Exploiting Not Paralyzing

Keeping Me Honest

To Be God’s Free Agent

Finite Life

Photo by US Army

“That you not assume that secular employment is a greater challenge or a better use of your life than the countless opportunities of service and witness in the home the neighborhood, the community, the church, and the world. That you not only pose the question: Career vs. full time mom? But that you ask as seriously: Full time career vs. freedom for ministry? That you ask: Which would be greater for the Kingdom— to be in the employ of someone telling you what to do to make his business prosper, or to be God’s free agent dreaming your own dream about how your time and your home and your creativity could make God’s business prosper? And that in all this you make your choices not on the basis of secular trends or yuppie lifestyle expectations, but on the basis of what will strengthen the family and advance the cause of Christ.”

Obviously, I don’t have the opportunity to choose between working full-time and ministry. Whatever else I do and however else I use my free time, I must have full-time employment in order to provide for myself. That said, I don’t define myself by my job. It’s something that I do (and try to do well), but it’s not who I am.

I may “have” to spend 40 hours a week doing what someone else tells me “to do to make his business prosper,” but there are over 100 waking hours in a week. Even considering that some of those are spent on the necessaries of commuting, personal hygiene, and chores, I have at least as many hours to spend as I choose in a week as I do hours spent doing someone else’s biding.

And how do I choose to spend those hours?

I want to be able to use my time and talents to serve God and others. Obviously, I’m still working out how that looks like in my life, and probably always will.

But perhaps one day I won’t need to be employed full-time, having a man to provide the necessities of life. Am I making choices now that will make such a transition easier? This is why I want to work hard at paying off my student debt (though this move has made that difficult), the only debt I have. I’d love not to have to carry debt into a marriage.

I’d also like not to have an expensive lifestyle, something that would hinder me now and in the future. I’m working on ways to live on less, a skill that can reap dividends over the years.

Other Posts in This Series:

A Summer of Growth

Peace, Joy, and Strength

Daily Acts of Love

Women of the Book

Women of Prayer

Deep Thinkin’

No More Frittering

Exploiting Not Paralyzing

Keeping Me Honest

Photo by wjserson