Ignorant Historian

How about a little controversy, shall we?  It’s been too long, hasn’t it?

If I only had to go by the reaction to the Judge Walker’s decision on California’s Proposition 8 that I saw on Twitter, Facebook, and television, I’d assume he was the people’s hero.  I hope that’s not quite the case…I know I’m not the only one saddened by last Wednesday’s decision.

Though I don’t know if I’ve specifically mentioned it (in 999 posts…yes, that makes tomorrow’s the 1000th…get ready for it!), I don’t think you’d be surprised to find that I take the biblical, traditional, and (until recent years) only definition of marriage.  We all have the right (regardless of our sexual preferences) to marry an unmarried adult of the opposite sex.  Equal rights.

So yes, I was saddened by Judge Walker’s decision.  But you may be surprised to know that what saddened me wasn’t primarily the decision against marriage.

First, I was disappointed that the federal government once again has unconstitutionally taken away power from the states.  If the people of California decided to refine “marriage”, I would have to accept that (though I would still argue that they are wrong).  That is their decision.  But the decision was taken out of their hands.  They no longer have that right.

And if they no longer have that right as the residents of California, I no longer have that right as a resident of North Carolina.

But more than that, what saddened me was that there is now a precedence for the out-right disregarding of gender.

We no longer have to use the slippery slope argument.  You can get a judge to almost anything as long as they have a legal precedence to do it.

And now there is.

If gender no longer legally matters in marriage, should it in a draft?  I think it’s pretty clear that the logical answer is “no.”

What about dorm room assignments?

The sex of chaperones on school trips?

“So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.” – Genesis 1:27, NASU

I think this is a pretty good time to remind you of the comment policy.  Thanks, loves!

Photo by Joe Gratz

I’m pretty content with my life right now.  Singleness can obviously be a struggle, but it’s not one for me right now.

But ask me again tomorrow, because it’s definitely a day-by-day thing.  Other than that, there’s nothing else in my life that I really want to change.

Hey, maybe I’m content.  That’s a good thing, right?  Definitely.

“But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment.” – 1 Timothy 6:6, NASU

But am I really content?  Or would I better describe myself as “apathetic?”  Where’s the line?

Instead of being content in God alone, I’ve become apathetic with little thought of God.

Of course, God is very much present in my life, and I do continue to intentionally spend time with him through the Bible and prayer.  But I’m putting Him in a box…how much do I think of him outside of those scheduled moments that I give to him?

Just something I’m pondering this week.  Praying that God will renew my fire to know and follow Him.

Photo by aaron.knox

I’ve already talked about how much I enjoyed Radical. It was the kick in the pants that I needed.

I needed to get back to the basics.  All the seminary training and reading won’t do me any good if I’m not whole-heartedly seeking God through His Word and prayer.  And all of that is meaningless if I’m not working out my faith.

Spending last week with the kids at camp I learned the same thing: it’s all about the basics.  Not only do I need to teach them the how of the faith, but I need to model it.

This is why I’ve been working on re-establishing good habits: reading 6 chapters of the Bible everyday (3 of each testament), praying not only for those around me but for the world, and memorizing  and meditating God’s Word.  These are building blocks…but they are necessary.

I’m far from perfect even in these small things (in fact, part of my reason for writing this is to be held to it), but they’re necessary.  Not that doing the right things will earn favor with God, but it is how I will know God.

“When you or I open the Bible, we are beholding the very words of God — words that have supernatural power to redeem, renew, refresh, and restore our lives to what he created them to be. That is why I believe it is more important for you and me to read Leviticus than it is for us to read the best Christian book ever published, because Leviticus has a quality and produces an effect that no book in the Christian marketplace can compete with.” – Radical by David Platt, p. 192

Photo by Artful Magpie

More times than I’d like to admit, my words and actions are silently asking, “What’s the Cross got to do with it?”

Though I can talk the talk of a good Christian, my feet too often stray.

I don’t like how I just said that: it’s not that my feet stray off the good path, I do.

But that’s hard to admit, isn’t it?

See?  I just turned it around to you, pulling you into my guilt.

But I am the hypocrite.

Need to take care of the log in my eye before the speck in yours.

I love the Lord…why do my actions not reflect that more?

It doesn’t help when I hear the praises of those around me for my goodness.

They don’t see the selfish desires that fill my thoughts.

They don’t see me when I’m alone.

Because I don’t let them.

So, what’s the Cross got to do with it, Ronnica?

Everything.

Stop living for your own pleasures. As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. – Ephesians 4:1

Stop walking in your own strength. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength. – 1 Corinthians 1:25

Stop acting like you’re #1 in your life. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. – Philippians 2:3

“You don’t want to give God the credit because you don’t think he exists.  But if you’re going to blame him for all the crap, kid, you got to give him credit for what grows from the fertilized soil.” – Shadow of the Giant by Orson Scott Card, p. 342

“It’s essential that you spend time reading and studying the Bible.  Trouble is, that advice sounds a lot like ‘Eat less and get more exercise.’ In one ear and out the other.  The difference is that fitness is good for life; God’s word is life.” – Get Married by Candice Watters, p. 73

“Will meeting God be like that?  Will I be disappointed with the real thing, because I prefer the substitute I made do with?” – Shadow of the Giant by Orson Scott Card, p. 341

“Consequence management.  That’s how we view sex – it’s why there’s so much emphasis on avoiding pregnancy and preventing STDs.  But condoms can’t protect your heart.” – Get Married by Candice Watters, p. 129

“Our friendship was delicate, like a bubble, and I was afraid it would pop if I asked the wrong question.  Where is this going? definitely felt like the wrong question.” – How to Say Goodbye in Robot by Natalie Standiford, p. 101

“Sometimes I feel doomed [because I'm single] to be less godly, less sanctified and vulnerable to the auto mechanic.” – Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley

“Men report that the number one reason they are choosing to marry later, if at all, is that sex without commitment is so widely available.” – Girls Gone Mild by Wendy Shalit, p. 15

“I’m willing to be obedient, as long as you order me to do what I was going to do anyway.” – Shadow of the Giant by Orson Scott Card, p. 345

“When plan B gets all the attention, it becomes plan A.”  - Get Married by Candice Watters, p. 139

“Any God worth believing in could make up a better plan than the mess the world was in now.” – Shadow of the Giant by Orson Scott Card, p. 39

While we celebrate Christ’s resurrection today especially, it’s something to remember year round.  If Christ didn’t rise from the dead, we have no hope!

“Now if Christ is preached, that He has been raised from the dead, how do some among you say that there is no resurrection of the dead?  But if there is no resurrection of the dead, not even Christ has been raised;  and if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is vain, your faith also is vain.  Moreover we are even found to be false witnesses of God, because we testified against God that He raised Christ, whom He did not raise, if in fact the dead are not raised.  For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised;  and if Christ has not been raised, your faith is worthless; you are still in your sins.  Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished.  If we have hoped in Christ in this life only, we are of all men most to be pitied.” – 1 Corinthians 15:12-19

Praise God, He is Risen!

Thanks to Jen for basically writing the last couple of paragraphs of this post. It’s humbling (and ironic) to not even know how to finish my thoughts on this subject.

I’m a woman of control.

Or at least that’s what I want.

My problem (okay, one of them) is that I think I know best.  About everything.  Not only do I think I know what’s best for those around me, I think I know what’s best for me, too.  Always have, just ask my mom.

The thing is, I don’t.  I might be blessed with worldly smarts, but I’m still sorely lacking in true wisdom.  As we’ve been walking through Solomon’s life in my kindergarten Sunday school class, we’ve been talking a lot about wisdom.  I think the best way to learn a concept is to have to try to explain it to a 5-year-old…there are so many concepts I can’t quite get across to them (glory, the Trinity).  If you ask them, I hope they can tell you that we’ve talked about how wisdom is knowing what is right and good.

The older I get (and in theory, the wiser I get), the more I realize that I’m like a 3 on a scale of 100 of possible human wisdom.  At most.

Last week I realized that I’m okay with my singleness as long as I in my earthly “wisdom” can decipher out a way out.  And as far as singleness goes, the way I want out is a man, a plan, and a ring by spring…or at least by next spring.

Hmm, that doesn’t sound like contentment to me.

Just shows me that I still demand control of my own life, my own future.  That I prefer my plans to whatever God has in store for me, as foolish as that is.  I know that God knows what’s best for me (He knows me better than myself!), but somehow I can’t get that to truly stick in my daydreaming head.

It’s times like this that I have to remind myself that I have been fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and that the very hairs on my head are numbered (Matthew 10:30)–gray or not–and that before one day of my life came to pass, God ordained each of them (Psalm 139:16).  How foolish I am to think that I would know more than Him!  How can I know myself better than the one who knit me in my mother’s womb (v. 13)?

Moment by moment, I must make the choice to trust Him in His infinite wisdom.  I give Him the reigns one night, only to rip them back from him minutes, or at most, hours later.  It is only when I trust Him that I can truly find contentment.

God, help me remember that.

Photo by Drunken Monkey

While this review is talking about this book specifically, the points I make aren’t directed at Al Lacy exclusively.  Most of these issues are common faults found with the bulk of “Christian” fiction.

I received a review copy of Faithful Heart from Multnomah.  I thought it sounded like an interesting book, set in the western US in the 1870s.  There’s basically two storylines following two sisters: one who is making a trek west via wagon train and the other who is struggling being married to a man dealing with violent mental issues related to his Civil War service.

Al Lacy’s not a bad writer necessarily, but this book is a great example of Christian fiction gone bad.   While Lacy does try to tackle a real-life issue (mental illness) and I commend him for that, he goes about it all wrong.

First, the answer given for the mental problem is seeking professional help (as pointed out by each and every character).  Laying aside how strange this seems in the 1870s setting and the horrors that were mental health asylums in that day, this is just poor theology.  Perhaps you, my reader, wouldn’t agree with that, but I believe that the Bible is all sufficient for our needs.  Though a psychiatrist may offer valuable help, that’s not the first place to go.

Secondly, this book is chock full with church-y language.  The conversations between characters come off as untrue to real life, like a play written by an amateur (me, for instance). Like most Christians who’ve been around the church a lot I’m guilty of this as well, but it does make me cringe.  There is a way to write a story from a biblical worldview without making it sound like it was written in a Sunday School.  The God of the Bible is so much more than that.

My last major issue with this book is that everything is tied up in a neat bow.  While that might be the way we would like things, real life doesn’t work that way and we fool ourselves when we place hope that it will.  Mental illness is messy.  Even more so, our sin nature is (which we rarely see in this book aside from the “bad” guys).

To be fair, this was originally published 25 years ago.  Perhaps Lacy wouldn’t have written the book this way if he wrote it today.  I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt on this matter.

Of all the people we’re introduced to in the Bible, the one I most relate to is Hannah.  In my recent struggles for contentment in God, I turned once again to the familiar passage of 1 Samuel 1-2.

Hannah is a woman who knew unmet longings.  Just like my desire for a husband is good and natural, her desire for a child is good and natural.  She wanted to be a mother: something that as a woman, God designed her to do.

One thing that always stands out to me about this passage is Hannah’s emotions are spelled out for us.  Hannah calls her childless state an “affliction” (v. 11).  It wouldn’t be hard to imagine what a woman longing for a child might be feeling, but the Bible makes it clear:

“…her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her…” (v. 6, ESV)

“…Hannah wept and would not eat.” (v. 7)

Hannah’s husband: “Why is your heart sad?” ( v. 8 )

“I am a woman troubled in spirit.” (v. 15)

“…my great anxiety and vexation.” (v. 16)

Clearly, having a son was not a passing fancy for Hannah, any more than my desire for a husband is a fleeting thought in my life.  In fact, I just noticed for the first time that in verse 7 it gives us a bit of time reference for the events: “So it went on year by year.”  Year after year!  While we don’t know how many years, I’m sure it was quite a few or it wouldn’t state it like that.  During this time, not only did Hannah remain childless, she was being provoked by her fertile counterpart, likely daily coming into contact with her and her growing family.  Her childlessness is being rubbed in her face (something that I’m thankful not to have experienced).

The thing is, though Hannah was missing something that she rightfully desired, she was also blessed.  She had a husband who loved her and was well cared for (let’s leave out the bigamy as a topic for another day).  Compared to many who suffered in Israel, she had it made.  I can say the same for myself: I have been overwhelming blessed in almost every way.  Except for a companion in life, what more do I lack?  But like Hannah, what I lack seems to eclipse all the many blessings.

What I love so much about this little vignette is Hannah’s response to her unmet desire.  She offered herself to the Lord, emotions and all.  Though her desires were a mix of sinful and godly (as mine are…I love that the Bible doesn’t gloss over it’s hero’s–and heroine’s–sins), she brought them before God.  My favorite verse in this passage is verse 10:

“She was deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly.”

Now this I can definitely relate to.  The good, the bad, and the ugly, all wrapped up together in one sticky mess.  She took her unmet longings and all the emotions tied up with them to the One who could fix them–and her.

And the Lord answered her prayers.  I love the language the Bible uses to describe the conception of Samuel: “…and the LORD remembered her” (v. 19).  When (Lord willing!) I’m pregnant with my first child, I think that’s how I’d tell my husband, “The Lord remembered me.”

Of course, this was likely not the first time that she prayed to God.  No doubt, this was a familiar scene for Hannah, offering up her desire for a child again.  But in His timing, God answered.  This gives me hope–not a promise, but hope–that God will answer my prayers for a husband.

And until that time, I will wait, continually giving up my desires to the One who can fulfill them and use them to mold me.

I’m tired of going to bed alone.

I don’t mean that in a sexual sense, just that singleness seems synonymous with loneliness the most at bedtime.  I can fill the rest of my life with fulfilling relationships, but this is one area where that just won’t do.

The other night was one of those nights where I just can’t get myself to go to bed because it’s hard to remove all the distractions I use to keep from remembering I’m alone.  These nights aren’t that frequent, but when they happen, they’re overwhelming.

But Saturday I found hope in this:  These nights are numbered.  Of course, I’d like to think that they’re numbered because I’ll soon have a partner in life, but even if that’s not true (or never will be true), they are still numbered as my days on this earth are thankfully numbered.  One day, God will save me from this world (via His returning or my death) and there will be no more lonely nights, no more tears.

“And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” – Revelation 21:4, NASU

If you are a follower of Christ, you have the same hope.  Whatever misery you know or trial you are facing, these days are numbered.  That’s not the only hope…we also know that God will give us the grace to handle whatever situation we find ourselves in.  But sometimes, knowing that this too shall pass is a greater comfort.

If you’re not a believer in Jesus Christ, you are right to be hopeless.  I don’t mean that there isn’t any hope–God has/is offering you the same hope in Jesus Christ–but if you refuse this hope, life really is hopeless.

These nights will continue to be hard, but I’ll take heart in remembering that they are numbered.

Photo by Gord McKenna