Ignorant Historian

“You don’t want to give God the credit because you don’t think he exists.  But if you’re going to blame him for all the crap, kid, you got to give him credit for what grows from the fertilized soil.” – Shadow of the Giant by Orson Scott Card, p. 342

“It’s essential that you spend time reading and studying the Bible.  Trouble is, that advice sounds a lot like ‘Eat less and get more exercise.’ In one ear and out the other.  The difference is that fitness is good for life; God’s word is life.” – Get Married by Candice Watters, p. 73

“Will meeting God be like that?  Will I be disappointed with the real thing, because I prefer the substitute I made do with?” – Shadow of the Giant by Orson Scott Card, p. 341

“Consequence management.  That’s how we view sex – it’s why there’s so much emphasis on avoiding pregnancy and preventing STDs.  But condoms can’t protect your heart.” – Get Married by Candice Watters, p. 129

“Our friendship was delicate, like a bubble, and I was afraid it would pop if I asked the wrong question.  Where is this going? definitely felt like the wrong question.” – How to Say Goodbye in Robot by Natalie Standiford, p. 101

“Sometimes I feel doomed [because I'm single] to be less godly, less sanctified and vulnerable to the auto mechanic.” – Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley

“Men report that the number one reason they are choosing to marry later, if at all, is that sex without commitment is so widely available.” – Girls Gone Mild by Wendy Shalit, p. 15

“I’m willing to be obedient, as long as you order me to do what I was going to do anyway.” – Shadow of the Giant by Orson Scott Card, p. 345

“When plan B gets all the attention, it becomes plan A.”  - Get Married by Candice Watters, p. 139

“Any God worth believing in could make up a better plan than the mess the world was in now.” – Shadow of the Giant by Orson Scott Card, p. 39

1.  How do you eat an Oreo?

I pull it apart, and eat the cookie with the least amount of icing on it first.  Then I lick off the icing, and eat the other cookie.  And repeat, of course.

2.  What turns you off about the opposite sex?

Unteachableness.  I don’t like a guy who always thinks he’s right and has nothing to learn. (And yes, I tend to be a bit like this, which is probably why it bugs me so much.)

3.  Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper?

Definitely fold.

4.  How many kids do you want to have?

8.  Okay, I always say that, just to see the look on the other person’s face.  Seriously though, I would like to have a large family.  That said, I DON’T plan on birthing many of those 8 (or you know, 5 or 6).  I want to adopt (possibly older children or a sibling set) and am excited to see so many families in our church getting excited about it as well.

5.  Do they bury people with their braces on?

I sure hope so.  It seems like a waste to take the time to get them off just for a little scrap medal.  Or are you thinking they’ll reuse them?  Ick!

1.  Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Probably always is.  Currently my pink water bottle is at my finger tips, my desk calendar as pink on it, and my lunch bag has pink stripes on it.

2.  When is the last time you went to the mall?

Before tax season, in order to eat at the food court.  As far as actually shopping in the mall, who knows.

3.  When was the last time you drove out of town?

A few weeks ago I went with a friend to Richmond to visit her mom in the hospital.  The last time I drove was for April’s wedding in Georgia, the second weekend in January.  I don’t go on too many road trips (most places I want to go require a couple of planes).

4.  What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Nothing too bad.  I did fall down a complete set of concrete stairs one time (carrying a big bag of laundry and wearing heels).  Ended up with some scrapes and a couple of deep bruises, one on my hip where the seatbelt on a plane hits you (I was flying to Turkey for the first time 2 days later).

5.  What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

Ha, ha, ha!  Whatever it is, it certainly isn’t working.

Okay, forgive me.  If you’re a Twilighter, you won’t like this post as I’ll be dissing Edward.  If you’re not a Twilighter, then you won’t like this post because I’m going to talk about Twilight.  So basically, you have to have the exact same opinion as me (And why wouldn’t you if you have been reading my blog, right? I’m incredibly persuasive.) to enjoy this post.

I do realize that this post is at least a few weeks late, if not years.  Still, I wrote it now.  Actually, I’m rather pleased that I wrote anything “real” this week at all.

I read Twilight a couple of months ago after the umpteenth suggestion.  Didn’t hate it, but didn’t like it, either.  Over Thanksgiving break, I significantly miscalculated the number of books I’d need (I guessed 3, but 2 were youth books, so bad call) so I needed something to read.  Knowing my mom had New Moon, I thought I might as well continue the series.

After reading these two tomes, I still don’t get what it is about Edward that people like. At all.  In the interest of full disclosure, my ideal man-in-a-book/movie is Edmund in Mansfield Park (the movie, not necessarily the book).

9 Reasons Why I Couldn’t Like Edward

1. He’s pale as all get out.  Sure, being pale isn’t necessarily a bad thing (though I must admit I like my guys darker), but I don’t see how it’s a good thing, either.

2.  He’s a stalker.  Sure, Bella eventually gave permission for Edward to watch her all-night (like that isn’t creepy itself), but he did it before without asking.

3.  He sparkles.  If someone is going to sparkle in a relationship, it better be me.

4.  He’s mopey.  Sure, we all can be sometimes, but he seems to be too much (Bella, you too).

5.  He’s hard. How is that cuddly?

6.  He doesn’t bother to check his facts before making a big decision (killing himself).

7.  He likes Bella ’cause she smells good. That isn’t shallow…

8.  Other than these things, what else do we know about him?

9.  And then there’s something about being non-human…what was that again?

I wrote this post last week, and it’s not really where I’m at right now.  I had a wonderful time with my ABF class at church on Saturday which was exactly what I needed.  Still, I wanted to share what I’ve been through because I know there are others who are still there or will be there.

In the past week or so, I’ve felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness.  Not only is there the usual ache of walking alone on a path built for two, but there has been added emphasis on how alone I truly am through several unrelated incidents.

Perhaps it’s silly, but hearing from others about their loneliness makes me lonely.  Perhaps it’s what happens when you’re truly sharing one another’s burdens, you feel what they feel.  I’m glad to do it for friends, old or new.

Another thing that can (and has) made me lonely is to know that a crush won’t work out.  Not that I necessarily assume it will, but hopes disappointed always hurt, don’t they?

Then there’s the disappointments that can come from friendships.  Being sinful creatures, we’re bound to let each other down, aren’t we?

So, I just wanted to share that I’ve been lonely.  I know that I’m not the only one, so perhaps hearing my story will help someone else feel less lonely.  There is comfort in the loneliness, and for that I’m incredibly grateful.  I have friends and family who love me through this time.  But most of all, though, the comfort comes in the fact that this world won’t last forever.

And I can’t wait until the next.

Photo by JuriaYoshikawa

I think that most everything we do is to be done in balance.  I’m always trying to walk the fence between legalism and lawlessness, work and rest, trusting in God’s sovereignty and taking responsibility for my part in the world.

As a single girl (I should probably say “lady” or “woman” but I like “girl” better),  one such area of balance is in the pursuit (sorta) of a husband.

On one hand, I want to do everything I can do get him.  I’d love to pursue the man I’m interested in whole-heartedly.  If I thought it’d work, I’d reveal my interest to him and ask him what he wanted to do about it.

But on the other hand (cue the Randy Travis song in my head), I want to do absolutely nothing.  Instead, I want to trust completely in God’s sovereignty, leaving no room for my work.  If God has a husband for me, He’s perfectly capable of bringing Him into my life, creating interest in me, all at the proper time.

But really, my position lies somewhere in the middle.  I want both, cake and all (actually this whole not-a-diet diet thing has cut out my interest in cake…but not ice cream).  I want to reveal my interest (or at least my opennness) to him, opening the door for him to pursue me.  I also want to trust in God’s sovereignty, knowing that missed chances don’t mean that I’m missing out on the life I’m supposed to have.  Though it’s a topic for another day, I don’t believe in “The One.”

I definitely have fallen pretty far on both sides of the fence I’m walking…but I’ll keep on.

Photo by fotographix

It’s been a month, and I still feel fairly content in my singleness. Still working through all of the issues behind it (okay, I really always am), but I’m glad that I at least made it a month.  It might only last a month and a day, but at least it did, right?

I was having a conversation the other day with another single friend (I’ll call her “Friend”), and we were talking about single guys and single girls we know.  While there are more single girls in our church than guys, there still are single guys that for all we know have not pursued any of the many attractive, godly women that we know.

Friend made the statement, “If I was a guy, I’d be married by now.”

What she means is, that if she was a guy, she would have manned up and pursued a relationship.  I know that many of my readers don’t have the same understanding on relationships, but for Friend and me, we want husbands that will take the lead.  Don’t mistake me: we’re not talking husbands that will lord over us. (I realize that this is a big topic in and of itself, but I’m going to leave it at that, for now.)

If I or Friend were to pursue a relationship with any of these guys we know, we’re setting ourselves up for failure for the type of relationships we feel the Bible warrants and we desire.  Doesn’t mean that I don’t have issues to clear up in order to not let my own cold shoulder or poisonous tongue to drive men to way though, it just means that I’m not going to follow the world’s advice and ask a guy I was interested in out, and I’m certainly wouldn’t be taking him home with me, either.

So, why have these men not done anything?  Perhaps, they like being single (if I like it, they could too).  Or maybe they have pursued someone(s) and been turned down, and that turns them off.  Maybe they’re waiting to be financially stable or out of school (not necessarily bad, but we’re really not hung up on the guy not being able to bring money bags to the table to prove his worth…it’s enough to be a wise spender, be willing to work hard, and to rely on God for provision).

What do you think?

Photo by Riot Jane

Today my care group from church went to a local food bank to help out.  Our task?

Putting over a 1,000 dozen eggs in cartons.

It was a lot of fun, and actually didn’t take as long to do since there were so many of us.  I personally probably packed up several dozen cartons of eggs.  We had to make sure they were clean and uncracked…I don’t think I’ll look at an egg the same way again.

Afterwards we headed to Sonic to enjoy one another’s company, and there I shared my story about Polite Video Store Dude.  They definitely keyed in on the fact that it was a amicable guy that I was rude to.  Yeah, they know me (and my issues) too well…

Don’t look now, but I think I want to be single.

I feel like I talk my singleness to death on this here ole blog, but it’s something that I deal with on a daily basis, so I guess it’s something you, dear reader, have to hear about.  The tenor of these blog posts on my marital status tends to be: “I wish I was dating/married/a mother, but I want to be content where I am.”  Rest assured, this post won’t be anything of the sort.

Just last week I was contemplating my life.  Not the how-do-I-live-moment-to-moment or even the do-I-have-a-purpose type of contemplation, but the I-want-to-live-this-day-over-and-over-again kind of contemplation.  I like singleness: the flexibility, the alone time, the choosing what I want to eat and when, the extra time I get to dedicate to my favorite pastimes.

If I marry and/or have kids, these things will necessarily change.

I’m not saying that my motives are all right in this (I’m working on that one), but there’s some good in it.  First of all, I’m spending more time dwelling on the life God has given me than on the life that I want.  Secondly, one of the major motivations for remaining single is that I have more time/energy/resources to minister to others in and out of the church.  I could still do this if I was married, but a greater part of those resources would have to be spent on my family.

Of course, most of this is feeling-based, and as we all know, feelings change (over and over again).  While I was to the point of tears only a few weeks ago with an extreme desire for a husband and children, now I’m reveling it up in my current life.  If I were to remain single the rest of my life, I’d want my feelings to stay as they are, but I doubt that’s going to happen.  Actually, I know that’s not going to happen, because I’m still not immune to crushes.

Watch out, I think I might be seeing some green grass growing in between my toes.

Photo by  *sean

1. Where was the very last place you went besides your house?

Church, where I had a lot of fun playing with a bunch of preteen girls.  I’m going to miss those girls.

2. What are you doing tonight?

Chillaxing in front of the TV…does that make me seem more real?  See, I don’t spend all my free time in books.

3. Who last texted you?

Jen.

4. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

Yes.

5. Do you get mad easily?

Not really, but sometimes if I’m stressed.

6. Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?

HIDE.  But I have done better in recent years of processing them through journaling. 

7. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Give me 100-degree dry heat any day over 32 and snowy.

8. Who was the last person you were in a car with?

Jen, going to Blockbuster.

9. What color are your eyes?

They once were described as poopy brown but a particularly unkind guy friend.  They are pretty light for brown eyes, with speaks of green and yellow in them.

10. Have you ever given up on someone but then went back to them later?

Oh yeah, story of my high school relationships.

11. Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger?

Nah, I’m not really one to throw/punch/kick.  I DO clench up and tear up. 

12. Has anyone told you a secret lately that you aren’t allowed to tell anyone?

A few preteens, haha. 

13. Honestly, if you could go back six months and change something, would you?

I can’t think of anything, so no.

14. Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you?

Nope.

15. Do you have a lot on your mind at the moment?

Not really.  As far as seasons of life go, I’m in a pretty stable one.  Of course, that could change any day.

16. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

I have a twin, and believe it or not, I prefer it.  I like to always be touching at least one edge of the bed.  It’s not like I’m going to be inviting anyone into my bed anytime soon, anyway.

17. What is your favorite thing to shop for?

Books.  Or maybe shoes.  Hmm, I would love a big shopping spree at a book/shoe store.

18. Who knows you better than you know yourself?

There’s a few people that might, I’m not sure.

19. What are you doing this summer?

Nothing different.  No trips at all planned, due to lack of cash and vacation days (saving them up for November).  I do plan on keeping up the building of good habits that I’ve been trying to do lately.  And watch SYTYCD.  It’s really the only show that I’ll watch that you have a hard time missing a week on.

20. Do you miss your past?

I’ve liked every stage of life I’ve been in, each one more than the last.

21. Did you ever have tea parties when you were younger?

Not really, though I did have a ceramic tea set that sat on my nightstand for years.

22. What is your favorite line from a movie?

If I were to cheat, it would be part of the Ocean’s 11 Danny/Tess conversation, but if we’re talking about one line, I’d have to say the Pirates quote I mentioned the other day, “She’s safe, just like I promised. She’s all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we’re all men of our word, really. Except Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.”   I don’t know what it is about it.

23. Would you rather be the opposite sex?

Boys are yucky.

24. What would you never name one of your children?

If it weren’t for Gone with the Wind, I think Scarlet would be a neat name, but I’d hate her to turn out to be a spoiled brat.  If it weren’t for a high school boyfriend, I would love the name Grant.  So yeah, not those names.

25. What is the coolest restaurant you’ve ever been to?

I don’t know about cool, as I don’t tend to like fancier places.  My favorite restaurant though, is a steakhouse in Kansas called Timberline.  Their salads, cheese fries, honey mustard, and mashed potatoes are the best I’ve ever had.

26. Where do you go when you want to get a really good sub sandwich?

If I’m going for a good sub, I prefer Quizno’s, but I frequent Subway because they’re cheaper and healthier (at least what I get).

27. What style of house would you like to live in?

I don’t know the names of the style, but ideally it would have a garden, a good sized living area, and a library.

28. Do you flip the channel when commercials come on?

Rarely.  I don’t like to watch commercials though (I still think commercials can’t be healthy), so I’m usually doing something else.

29. Have you seen any of the Saw movies?

Have I ever seen any horror movie?  Yeah right.  Just today, someone scared me by walking around the side of the building while I was watering my flowers.

30. What was your favorite book as a child?

I’m not sure about favorite, but I really like the Boxcar Children, the Betsy books, and the Babysitter’s Club books.

(Found this on Ministry So Fabulous.)