How I Spent My Friday Night

Posted on December 3, 2012 by Ronnica

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One thing about having a smaller apartment (NOT small for one person, but small when I want to have a group over) is I sometimes feel like I can’t host things at my place. I’ve decided to not let that stand in the way of reasonable-sized gatherings and host them anyway.

So this past Friday, I hosted 11 of the 5th and 6th grade girls in my Sunday school class for a mystery night. We had pizza, *clear* drinks (good thing, because one ended up all over my carpet), and cookie cake. We played a number of mystery-themed games and the girls did plenty of giggling.

At one point when they got exceptionally loud, I mentioned my downstairs neighbor and how he probably didn’t appreciate that. Upon finding out that he is a single guy, they promptly matched us together (because clearly, all that matters is that we’re both single).

This prompted them to put notes like this up throughout my apartment:

They then started planning where they would all sleep when they moved in with me. Somehow, I got relegated to the living room floor.

I think it’s good that they got to see a bit of my life outside of being their Sunday school teacher. For most of them, I’m the only single woman they know. While many of them will be among those who marry fairly young, all of them will be single adults for at least a few years (and some of them even longer). They all have excellent examples of godly married women in their lives in their own mothers, but I think it can be hard for a young girl to imagine how their lives could look if they aren’t married.

We didn’t get very much serious conversation in (it was a party after all), but hopefully I’ll have more opportunities to speak into their lives now that they’ve stepped a bit further into mine.

Pride and Power Camp (repost)

Posted on April 26, 2012 by Ronnica

I’m polished, organized, and in control. I am smart and funny, and have something to add to any conversation. I can handle any situation that comes up with poise and wit. Everything in my life is structured and follows according to my plan. I always know the right thing to say and do.

Or at least that’s how I want to come across. Lately though, God has been showing me that this is a matter of pride. Through teaching at church both Sunday morning and night and in personal time in God’s Word, the Bible, this has been the overarching theme that God has been making very clear to me. I need Him every moment of everyday, because I truthfully do not know what to say and do in every circumstance. Any “natural” ability I may have was already given by my Creator, and He is constantly providing me with spiritual help where I lack. I need His grace to handle every minute in a way that is honoring to Him.

This week I’m helping out with Power Camp, a sports camp put together by the FCA and my church. I’m responsible for leading the devotions for a group of about 15 children entering the 4th-7th grades, almost exclusively from the community. Because of work, I am only with the kids for the second half of camp, so I was quite frazzled yesterday as I tried to figure out how to handle it. This is certainly a situation where I need to rely on God for wisdom and patience, strength and boldness.

Please pray for these children that God would be working in their hearts. They have a great opportunity to hear the Gospel, study the Word, and interact personally with believers. There’s a good chance that some of these children have never been able to do any of those things before. I would also appreciate prayers for me that God would give me the words to say and the patience to show Christ’s love for them.

Originally posted 6-26-2007

Why I Can’t Live without the Church

Posted on April 11, 2012 by Ronnica

This post is inspired by Rachel Held Evans’ posts a couple of weeks ago about why she left the church and why she returned. I wouldn’t say that it is a response to those posts, though.

Perhaps you find the title a bit dramatic, but I use the term “live” in the title on purpose, and not as a hyperbole. I may be able to “live” in a physical sense without the church, but without it, I would not be able to thrive. And what is living without thriving?

Here are a few reasons why I can’t live without the church:

1. I am prideful. I think I can do everything on my own. Being a part of a church reminds me that in fact I can’t do everything and I shouldn’t try. I need others.

2. I am sinful. The church helps to remind me of my own sin and points me to Christ. On my own, I am much more likely to think I’m doing just fine.

3. I am an individual. I tend to think I stand alone, particularly as a single woman. But the church reminds me to reject American individualism and embrace that I am a part of something much bigger than myself, and my greatest identity is not in “me.”

4. I am a single woman living alone. I need a family where I can serve and rub up against (Proverbs 27:17). Living alone, it’s super easy to believe that everything is all about me.

5. I am gifted. God has giving me gifts not for me to hoard them and think I’m super awesome, but to use them to bless others.

6.I’m a 21st Century American. I have many of the blind spots, influences, and weaknesses of the culture around me. Through the church I interact with others of different ages and cultures. These interactions help reveal my own biases.

7. I need the Word. Yes, I can read, study, memorize, and hear the Bible on my own. I can listen to sermons online, on the radio, and on television. But doing these things alone allows me to perpetuate my own false ideas about the text, as I can read and listen to what I choose.

8. I need the Holy Spirit. Yes, I believe the Holy Spirit lives within me and can and does guide me. But He also lives within other believers and if I’m not interacting with them in a non-superficial way, then I’m not allowing the Holy Spirit full access to my life.

9. Others need me. Not because I’m special or so great, but because God designed His church so that we each have role, and if we aren’t there to fill it, it will go unfilled or become an extra burden on someone else.

I could go on, but I want to publish this post. What other things should I add?

A year ago today: With Prince Charming or Not

Book Review: Total Church by Tim Chester and Steve Timmis

Posted on April 3, 2012 by Ronnica

I read this at the recommendation of a friend. In fact, it was so recommended to me by a church staff member, that a copy was “stolen” from another staff member. True story.

Total Church: a Radical Reshaping around Gospel and Community is a book about what the church should look like. Not a building or a program, but intentional relationships within a community of believers that is God-focused and outward-oriented.

The authors do not claim to be experts and openly admit that they fall short. They also don’t want a bunch of churches to look just like theirs. But they do want a lot of churches to look differently than they do now.

To be brief, a church should look, feel, and act more like a family and less like a country club. Church members should seek to serve, not be served. A church should be reaching out to those around them, not seeking to insulate themselves from the world. As they seek to grow closer to God, they should also be growing closer to each other.

I believe that the ideas of church as put forth in this book are very appealing to my generation, the Millennials.* We desire authentic relationships without pretension or cumbersome rituals. So many of those my age see church as completely irrelevant to their life, and I must admit that in many cases, I agree.

The concepts in this book are very hard to implement in most churches today because they’re large and there is usually a strict clergy/laymen distinction. I’m thankful to be a part of a church that, while a good size, seeks to grow small, by encouraging small groups to be the basis of our church family. Also, authority and responsibilities are not distributed on the basis of where you get a paycheck.

We’re not perfect, but I’m thankful that we’re trying. There’s a natural desire within a sinner to not let anyone else get close, and we have to fight against that. I have to fight against that. This book has encourages me to pursue deep relationships with those in my small group and to be proactive in building relationships with the hurting people around me.

I highly recommend this book.

*Note: I don’t give this appeal to Millennials as the reason to adopt the ideas of the book, but as a support that the ideas found here are also an answer to the shrinking church phenomenon.

Cruise Control Christianity

Posted on March 7, 2012 by Ronnica

I’m a part of a small group of a few women from my small group who meet twice a month to discuss a book that we’re reading together. I think we all cherish those hours we spend together sharing life and growing together.

Right now, we’re reading Jerry Bridges’s Discipline of Grace. I read it a few years back, but I’m still getting a lot out of it. You can never read a good book too many times. You may think I read a lot, but really, I have to read so much because I forget to so much. Reading a lot is the only way I can retain more.

One concept that really caught my attention this time around that I didn’t remember from the last time was Bridges’s metaphor of “Cruise Control Obedience” and “Race Car Obedience.”

The idea in “Cruise Control Obedience” is that you get to a certain level of obedience, and then just put on the cruise control, not seeking to pursue Christ any harder. You do the disciplines of the faith at a level that you’re comfortable with and then just remain there, content.

On the other hand, “Race Car Obedience” is characterized by a drive to always be going faster and farther. They are not content with going the speed of those around them, or the speed that they’ve were previously driving at. This person is consumed by his love of Christ and it influences every aspect of his life.

Well, I’m definitely one to take advantage of cruise control. Most of the time, I’m pretty happy with the time and energy I devote to Christ.

But is that pleasing to God? Is that really what it means to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30)?

No. I want to have a race car mentality, not settling for “fast enough.” Not that I have what it takes to follow Christ wholeheartedly in my own strength. But I know one who does.

Photo by MonkeyBoy69

I Am Not Silenced

Posted on February 9, 2012 by Ronnica

For a couple of years now, I’ve been reading the blog of Rachel Held Evans. While I don’t agree with everything she says, I find it helpful to read the views of someone who has a different take than me as it gives me deeper understanding and polishes my views.

Lately, Rachel has talked a lot about some recent comments of John Piper about the masculinity of Christianity, as well as some things Mark Driscoll has previously said about the subject. I have read John Piper’s original statements and was not phased by them. I believe I, even as an unmarried woman, will benefit by the strengthening of the men in my church. When they grow in faith, we all grow.

If I understand Rachel correctly (and I’m open for correction), she and many of her blog followers feels like statements like these are evidence that women are being silenced in the evangelical church.

I’d like to go on the record as saying, as a woman, that in no way do I feel silenced in the church.

Yes, my church and I believe that God only calls men to the pastorate. I believe that both the home and the church are rightfully led by men. Not because they are better or smarter than women, but because this is the order that God has set up.

I don’t think I, as a woman, have a lesser status if I choose to submit to authority. Jesus submitted to the Father’s authority, and I don’t think that makes him inferior to the Father.

I don’t claim to be speaking for all evangelical churches. But in this post, I will gladly talk about my own.

If I will never speak from the pulpit, in what ways do I have a voice in my church?

1. In my small group. Public teaching is great, but it’s in this small group time that the real sussing out of our faith happens. It’s where we work on applying the sound teaching we’ve heard and work out what it means in our daily lives.

2. Through access to the pastors. Any concern I have I can take to the leadership of my church and they will listen. I know this, because they have listened previously. They don’t treat me like a child who needs correcting, but as a sister in Christ with valid opinions and concerns.

3. I’m encouraged to not stick to soft topics in my studies. My church supported me while I was receiving my Master of Divinity, not a “soft” degree. I studied theology and biblical languages, among other subjects that interested me. I’m not using this degree professionally today by choice, not by force.

4. My church believes that being a woman is not an excuse for poor or weak theology.

5. I’m a vital part of my church. If I did not do my part, my church would suffer for it. This is as God designed the body of Christ. Most of us aren’t the flashy parts of the body, but we are all necessary for a well-functioning body.

6. My church leaders know my strengths and will seek my help and even advice when they see that they could benefit from it. They don’t seem to think arrogantly that women have nothing to contribute.

7. My church invests in me, providing me the training and support I need to take a more active role in our church’s counseling ministry.

These are just a few points that came to me easily…I’m sure I’d come up with a more complete set of points if I spent even more time on it. But I do want to be clear that I am not silenced.

Christ’s Body

Posted on November 20, 2011 by Ronnica

I mentioned in last week’s thankful post that I was thankful for my small group at church, my second family. But I’m also thankful for my church as a whole.

When I moved to North Carolina, I had only planned on staying here for school. I’m not a southern girl at heart, so this would not be my first choice of places to settle. But I have settled, almost entirely because of my church.

My church certainly has it’s flaws (it’s made up of sinners!), but I believe the trend is that we’re growing closer to Christ in word and deed. The elders and staff are great models and encouragers. They don’t allow us to get away with being superficial in our faith any more than they would settle to do so themselves.

In my church is where I started to learn what real ministry entails. It’s where I’ve learned to say, “I don’t know.” It’s where I’ve learned to love God and others more (though I have a long way to go).

I feel for those Christians who try to go it alone. What gifts and opportunities for sharpening their missing!

“Born This Way” or “God Made Me Like This”?

Posted on September 29, 2011 by Ronnica

I read Justin Lee’s answers on Rachel Held Evans’ blog, and I’ve been chewing on it for a few days. To better understand what I’m going to say here, read that post. Justin’s words didn’t necessarily change my views on homosexuality, but it did refine how I express them a bit.

For the record, I don’t understand how Justin makes the leap to the idea that marriage can between two individuals of the same sex. Like in all issues, I believe the burden of proof in a Christian debate belongs to the one who is going against traditional Christian understanding. Not saying the Christian status quo is always right, but to go against what has been handed down to us through history, you should be able to provide reasonable proofs for that breakaway. I haven’t seen that from Justin, though to be fair, he says he will be addressing that more.

But is it wrong to be “gay?”

Yeah, I put “gay” in quotes, because I think that there is already a worldview assumption by labeling someone “gay” or “straight,” and that is that our sexual attractions are a defining characteristic. I don’t believe that’s the case.

I do believe people when they say that they were born with desires for the same sex. I was born with addictive tendencies, but that doesn’t excuse my addictive thoughts (“I have to have some ice cream”) and behavior. So I’m not opposed to the idea that someone is “born this way,” as long as they’re not using that an excuse for their sinful thoughts and behavior.

But I don’t think it’s right to say “God made me like this,” because God has better plans for your life than for you to be marred with sinful desires. Unfortunately, you are born with a sinful heritage and aren’t perfectly how God created you. But if you trust that He did the work to pay for your sins, you can be born anew. God doesn’t usually remove our sinful desires, but He can use them to mold us more into the person He wants us to be.

So then, is it wrong to be attracted to someone of the same sex?

Yes, and no. It is wrong to look lustfully at anyone other than your spouse, no matter their sex. But I don’t think it’s wrong if you look at someone and think, “Wow, they’re attractive.” But we rarely leave it at that, do we? Most of the time we continue to look, dwell on the thought, and play with it in our imaginations.

Sexual sin is rampant in our culture. Even among the most sexually conservative, it’s usually believed to be okay to look, but not touch. But this is not the standard that the Bible gives us (see Matthew 5:27-28).

God sets a hard standard for us. One so high that I believe it’s impossible to live by apart from the grace of God.

Ah, and that’s the sweetness. Regardless of our history and regardless of our desires, God offers us His mercy through His Son and his grace through His Holy Spirit.

While I don’t like the term “gay Christian,” I think it’s possible to be saved by the grace of the God and still struggle with homosexual desires. These desires can be frusterating, I’m sure, because there’ s no lawful (speaking of God’s law) fulfillment of these desires.

But all our desires will ultimately be eclipsed by God and great goodness and blessings.

So what is a Christian who struggles with same-sex desires to do?

First of all, they need to share their struggle with a couple trusted, mature friends. Hopefully, you’re already in a church family so that makes the choice easier. Your small group leader, a pastor or their wives would be good people to ask to come alongside you.

You may never be attracted to someone of the opposite sex, which means you may never get married. In that case, you’ll be given grace from God (day by day!) to live a celibate life. Will that be easy? Absolutely not. I know this because at least to this point, I’ve been called to live a celibate life.

I’ve already gone on longer than I usually do, but I don’t want to end before I encourage my fellow Christians to share the compassion and grace of Christ. That means we don’t joke about homosexuality or fear those who have homosexual desires.

Did you read that post (linked above)? What are your thoughts? You’re always great, but remember to be civil in the comments.

48 Hours without Cell Phone and Internet

Posted on September 26, 2011 by Ronnica

I know I’ve shared how much I love my church on multiple occasions, but that love continues to grow. This past weekend my ABF group (Adult Bible Fellowship) went to the NC mountains. There were 14 adults, 7 teens, and 10 kids. We stayed in a bunkhouse with a huge common room, an industrial kitchen, and 16 rooms with 2 bunks each.

I love these people. If anything, the weekend seemed to go by too quickly. I’m sorry I don’t have any pictures of the beautiful property (the kids loved the horses, ducks, and kittens as well as a swinging bridge) or people, but since my cell had no reception, I turned it off immediately and didn’t carry it with me anywhere. Which also meant I didn’t have a camera, watch, or alarm clock.

As if I’d need an alarm clock when there were young ones running around…

One of the best parts of the weekend happened when we were leaving on Sunday. My friend Penny and I were the last to leave, as we were finishing up the clean up. When Penny put her key in the car to start it, the battery was dead.

Thankfully, her family lives in a nearby town, so we were able to get a jump from her brother so we could get into town and get the battery replaced. I’m glad that we got that extra time to talk, as at one point near the end of our 4-hour drive, tears were streaming down my face. She thought it was something she said, but really, it was just brokenness over my own sin. More on that later.

You can tell how much I enjoyed the company by how little I read. I only read 6 chapters of the Bible and maybe 15 pages of another book. Unheard of for me on a trip!

I’m very thankful for the refreshing, entertaining, and encouraging weekend. I have renewed my motivation to do what I need to do.

Wise and Gracious Prescriptions

Posted on September 1, 2011 by Ronnica

Thursday before Labor Day…our last challenge for the summer! Here goes…

“That you see Biblical guidelines for what is appropriate and inappropriate for men and women in relation to each other not as arbitrary constraints on freedom but as wise and gracious prescriptions for how to discover the true freedom of God’s ideal of complementarity. That you not measure your potential by the few roles withheld but by the countless roles offered. That you turn off the TV and Radio and think about…” (see the challenge for the huge list of what to think about!)

I need to work on turning off the TV. It’s easy to turn to, especially when I get tired and work gets busy. I don’t think it’s evil, but I don’t need to b e watching every night, let alone several hours every night.

As far as gender roles in the Bible go, the “few roles withheld” become the sole focus of discussion, it seems. But it’s true that there are many more things that I can and should do than what I shouldn’t or what it wouldn’t be wise for me to do. Don’t believe me? Look at the list. And consider who has had the most influence on you. I’d guess that by and large, those people haven’t been in the big public teaching and preaching roles.

A whole lot more can be said on the subject and I know I haven’t provide any justification here for mine or John Piper’s (though I wouldn’t try to defend someone else’s beliefs) views on women in the church. Some of that I’ve said here.

Other Posts in This Series:

A Summer of Growth

Peace, Joy, and Strength

Exploiting Not Paralyzing

Fearless Tranquility

Keeping Me Honest

To Be God’s Free Agent