Ignorant Historian

It’s been a month, and I still feel fairly content in my singleness. Still working through all of the issues behind it (okay, I really always am), but I’m glad that I at least made it a month.  It might only last a month and a day, but at least it did, right?

I was having a conversation the other day with another single friend (I’ll call her “Friend”), and we were talking about single guys and single girls we know.  While there are more single girls in our church than guys, there still are single guys that for all we know have not pursued any of the many attractive, godly women that we know.

Friend made the statement, “If I was a guy, I’d be married by now.”

What she means is, that if she was a guy, she would have manned up and pursued a relationship.  I know that many of my readers don’t have the same understanding on relationships, but for Friend and me, we want husbands that will take the lead.  Don’t mistake me: we’re not talking husbands that will lord over us. (I realize that this is a big topic in and of itself, but I’m going to leave it at that, for now.)

If I or Friend were to pursue a relationship with any of these guys we know, we’re setting ourselves up for failure for the type of relationships we feel the Bible warrants and we desire.  Doesn’t mean that I don’t have issues to clear up in order to not let my own cold shoulder or poisonous tongue to drive men to way though, it just means that I’m not going to follow the world’s advice and ask a guy I was interested in out, and I’m certainly wouldn’t be taking him home with me, either.

So, why have these men not done anything?  Perhaps, they like being single (if I like it, they could too).  Or maybe they have pursued someone(s) and been turned down, and that turns them off.  Maybe they’re waiting to be financially stable or out of school (not necessarily bad, but we’re really not hung up on the guy not being able to bring money bags to the table to prove his worth…it’s enough to be a wise spender, be willing to work hard, and to rely on God for provision).

What do you think?

Photo by Riot Jane

I’m surprised when I wrote my story last week about blind dating (or the spoiling thereof) that no one asked me if it was based on a true experience.  No, it really wasn’t, but given my solo status, I thought it might cross some readers’ minds.  I have, however, met plenty of guys like Jason…no thanks.

One time, though, a friend tried to set me up with a teacher at her son’s school.  It was New Year’s Day 2006, and she was hosting a traditional Southern New Year’s meal, something I had never experienced before.

My friend told me before hand that she wanted to meet him, that he was really nice and taught at a conservative Christian school.  I was uncomfortable, but I agreed to show up and at least meet the guy because she told me she did not tell the guy she wanted us to meet (based on his reaction to me, I’m almost positive she did).  New Year’s was on a Sunday, so after church, I headed over to her house, dressed in my typical winter Sunday dress of a nice shirt and slacks.

After a while, the rest of the guests conveniently left us alone in the dining room as they sought out dessert.  He was nice, that was true, but he was a bit on the effeminate side and shy, to boot.  We really didn’t have a lot to talk about, but I suppose it wasn’t too awful, considering how experiences like this usually go.

After a while, I had to go because I was meeting friends to see Chronicles of Narnia.  I appreciated having the convenient out, and left.  Later, my friend told me he had a good time, and asked if she could give him my number, and she said he was sure to call.  She did, and I never heard from him.

After a little investigating, I figured out why.  My friend had told me where he went to college, and my roommate was from that area and knew it was ultra-conservative.  Sure enough, as I looked up their policies, a few things stood out to me:

Women aren’t supposed to wear pants (and I definitely was wearing them that day…hello, it was winter)

No one is to go to the movies (and I had mentioned that’s where I was heading)

Sunday as Sabbath was strictly enforced (which made my pant-wearing and movie-going all the worse)

Perhaps he didn’t buy into these teachings, but at the very least he was used to being around girls that did (okay, he probably wasn’t that used to being around girls at all).

He didn’t call me because I was too liberal for him.

That was a first, and I do believe it will be a last, as I thought I was about as liberal as they come.

Thanks for all the words!  I hope you enjoy the story you helped me craft!

As Tara heard the glass door jangle closed behind her, her eyes scanned the small Chinese restaurant.  Chinese King was known for it’s ambiance, which is why Tara picked this place to meet Jason.

In fact, this whole meeting up was Tara’s idea in the first place.  After hearing Lindsay’s scintillating tale replete with serendipity and sensational details, she went online and joined The One Dot Com for herself.  After meeting spending hours chatting with a long line of losers, she found Jason.

And now here she was, waiting to meet Mr. Right #42 in a restaurant festooned with red velvet and ergonomically-minded booths.  As she looked around for the handsome man dressed in a Carolina Blue shirt she was expecting to see, all she noticed were booths filled with couples, old and young.  Tara slipped into the only empty booth, facing the door so she could see Jason when he walked in the door.

“May I bring you a menu, miss?  And something to drink?”

“Yes, two please.  And two waters.”  She already knew that Jason only drank water…it was something they had in common.

After a few minutes, Tara’s nerves settled down and her mind began to wander.  The conversation from the booth in front of her caught her attention.

“So, this must be the sclera.  And nystagmus is when…”

Ooh boring, I’m not sure I want to know what they’re studying.

Another conversation caught her attention, but this time it came from behind her.

“Inconceivable!  I distinctly remember ordering duck the last time I was here, and they say they don’t have it?  It’s not like I’m trying to order penguin!” exclaimed a male voice incredulously.

“It’s okay, we don’t have to have duck.  Really, all I want is fried rice and an eggroll,” placated a calmer woman’s voice.

“No, it’s not all right.  When I bring a lady to a restaurant, I want her to have the best.”

“I appreciate it, but there’s no reason to bring a torch and pitchfork.”  There seemed to be a note of hesitation in the lady’s voice.

Tara’s listening was interrupted when she took notice of someone new walking into the restaurant.  Nope, not a blue shirt, orange.  He definitely shouldn’t be wearing that color…not flattering.  Tara’s recognition that he wasn’t the one was confirmed has he held the door for a lady in a black dress and heels.

As Tara got back to listening to the fascinating conversation behind her, she realized that the tone had changed.  They now were talking like old friends, laughing at each others jokes as if they were telling them about old, mutual acquaintances.

“…and then Nelson picked up the blender of chocolate, Peeps, and pickles, and drank it right up!  He was making noises, too, like a llama.  It was hiLARious!”

Though his date sounded genuinely amused, Tara couldn’t help but roll her eyes.  Thankfully, the guy she was meeting was nothing like that man.  No, Jason was thoughtful, well-spoken, and genuinely funny.  Oh, and cute.  But where is he?  He’s 15 minutes late!

“One time…”

Tara missed the bulk of the woman’s story, but she got the gist of it, that she was telling about a recent prank she did at her office.  This was followed by a whole string of similar childish pranks, as they each tried to one up each other.  After one particular story, the man apparently conceded.

“Sassy!” cried mystery man.  And then, almost under his breath, “I like that in a woman.”  Though Tara couldn’t see them, she imagined that he was holding her hand in both of his as he said that.  Gag.  Though it does seem like these two are made for each other.

Just then, her purse began to bombinate.  She reached in and grabbed out her phone, seeing “1 text from Lindsay” on the front display.

“How’s the date going?  Do I need to call you with an emergency to get you out of it?”

Tara quickly snapped out her keyboard and tapped, “He’s apparently a no-show.  I’m going to give him a few minutes.  Sigh.  I really thought he’d come.”

“Maybe he died in a car accident on the way or something?  You’re way too cute and fun to pass up!”

“Don’t be so morbid!  I’m not as irresistible as you make me sound.”

“Oh, no.  You’re TOTALLY noodlicious!”

“Thanks for trying to cheer me up, but do you even know what that means?”

After Tara sent this last message, she glanced at her watch.  I’ll wait 5 more minutes, and then I’m out of here.

Once again, the conversation from the booth behind her caught her attention.

“Sorry again for the kafuffle.  I’m not usually this clumsy when I’m meeting an online friend for the first time.”

Tara strained her ears to hear what the girl had to say.  After a few seconds, the girl mumbled, “Umm, I have to go meet up with a friend, but I had a good time, so here’s my number.”

As the girl walked out the door, Tara took the time to glance back at the man who was sitting behind her.  Just as she suspected, he was wearing a Carolina blue shirt.  He was Jason,  accidentally meeting up with the wrong girl.  I can’t think of a better way to find out the “man of my dreams” is really a dud.

Last night as I was studying for my final today, I randomly wrote on the heel of my foot as I was memorizing for class. I wrote, “WEBD MCTL” which will mean nothing to you, but it is how I’m remembering the benefits of expository preaching. I laughed and thought, “Whoa, I could totally cheat with this!” Not being a cheater (I learned that lesson a long time ago!) and never having the temptation to cheat on a test, I realized I must get this off my foot as I’ll most definitely be wearing flip flops or strappy heels tomorrow as I have every day this week.

Later in the evening, I went to scrub it off. And I scrubbed. And I scrubbed. And I to exfoliated. Yikes. Still, barely discernable the now pink letters “WEBD MCTL” are on my foot. I’m hoping one more scrub before the test and they’ll be no more! Regardless, I’ll definitely be keeping my feet on the ground for the test, figuratively AND literally.

Now on to the funnier questions:

Elizabeth asked, “Have you ever done something dumb to impress a guy?”
I probably should call up my old friends and ask them this question. Honestly, I can’t think of anything right off hand, but I’m sure I’ve done something. I have been known to try to time my exit of a classroom to talk with a certain guy or to play a game I didn’t like just to be near him. I’m too shy with guys to do something over-the-top stupid. I just might pretend that I’m stupider than I am around them, sometimes.

Apple Joos asked, “Black and white or color?”
Totally color no matter what you are talking about. I’m not a huge fan of black and white photography. I don’t look that good dressed in black and white (though I have some…I guess I follow trend after all). And the color part of Wizard of Oz is so much better than the black and white part.

Ted asked, “What is the air speed velocity of a common unladen swallow?” Hey, I guess there has to be at least one smart alleck in the bunch. Lynda continued, “Add to Ted’s question…with or without a coconut?”
Sadly, I’ve never seen this movie all the way through. I fell asleep. That’s what I get for trying to watch it in the afternoon after staying up way too late the night before. I’m afraid that I’ll have to refer you both to your friendly neighborhood ornithologist. (As a side note, I once got 2nd place in an ornithology competition…)

Riley asked, “What is dark matter?”
What does it matter?

And “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
I’ve never seen a chicken cross the road, so I’ll have to defer to an expert on this one.

And “What is a googol?”
1 followed by a hundred 0s. The real question is why the search engine changed the spelling.

And “What is a group of larks called?”
Larksen.

And “What are the names of Scrooge McDuck’s grandnephews in the animated television series DuckTales?”
I’m insulted by the fact that you wouldn’t think I would remember this. Did all the hours we spent together watching DuckTales mean nothing to you? Huey (short for Color Hue), Dewey (short for Dewey Decimal), and Louie (short for King Louis XVI)! DuckTales, who-ooo!

And “Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?”
Obviously, you don’t know your television history like I do. In the olden days, you had to have both the television box and the bunny ears in order for your TV to be worth looking at. And for history buffs like me, this is still the case.

And “If Wile Coyote had a enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner instead of chasing Road-Runner?”
He was sponsored by Acme to use their products on his show. He actually has no money, thus the need to try to trap/kill/trick his dinner.

And “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
You’ve succeeded in being a failure.

And “If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?”
Earth in “earthquake” just means ground. Don’t be silly.

And “If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it? Solid!”
Gross, Riley. He’s my brother, if you couldn’t tell. I will not dignify this question with a comment. But I would like to say that no one is crazy enough to enjoy diarrhea. And if they do? Then they should be forced to see a doctor and drink some prune juice! And if diarrhea is all that common, I’m buying stock in the yummy pink stuff.

Happy Friday to you all! And, if you made it through all the nonsense, I want to let you know that Monday I’ll be posting a giveaway of my favorite summer treat!

It’s about time I let you know what’s going on with a few things I have shared with you.

The first opportunity I had to work on my eye contact with a real-life available man…well, I was wearing sunglasses. So while I did attempt to make eye contact, it’s a little difficult when the other person can’t see your eyes. Obviously I’ll still be working on this.

My class is going really well. I didn’t fall asleep in the first day of class (I do fall asleep in most classes, I know, bad Ronnica; but in my defense, I only sleep for maybe 5 minutes and then I’m good the rest of class). There is something encouraging about walking into the class and already having one assignment and a third of the reading done.

I did find a pillow. I decided to get a high-dollar pillow at Tuesday Morning, which meant that it wasn’t expensive. I spent the same as I have as I have for the ones I got from Target or Walmart, but this one has held up pretty well. I’ve been using it for over a month, and it has been heavenly and has shown no signs yet of flattening or becoming an incline plane. Between the new pillow, the new sheets, the new matress pad, and the new comforter my sleep is much more enjoyable.

It still hurts. Soon I’ll be saying goodbye to a new group of kids, and that’ll hurt too. I guess that’s what comes with working with kids.

Last night I babysat for two young kids. Right after I took off the girl’s diaper for her to get in the bath, she prompted peed on the floor. I’ve had several boys pee at inopportune times, but this was the first time that girl has for me. Further evidence that I’ll just take my kids already potty-trained, thankyouverymuch.

I’ve already mentioned before how I’m trying to be more open. I think a key to this is showing that I’m open to communication. And by that I mean with my face and body.

I have had people tell me on more than one occasion after we became friends that they had thought that I didn’t like them when we first met. In none of these cases was it ever true. While some people have rubbed me the wrong way the first time I met them (yes, I’m talking about you, Cindy), this is the rare exception. The problem is, I’m not showing them I’m open.

The other night I was hurrying into my apartment because it was about to storm. All of the sudden, I heard a “hello” coming from the balcony of a neighbor I have never met. It scared me, and it was pretty obvious on my face. The friend that was with me assumed that he must have been a creep and that’s why I gave him that look. Further evidence that I need to work on my facial expressions!

I’ve decided that the best place to start with improving my body language and facial expressions is with eye contact. I really don’t like looking people in the eyes. I prefer to have a heart-to-heart conversation side-by-side not facing the other person. But I’m going to work on it. Not just in personal conversations, but when meeting people and seeing them from across the room, etc. I’m going to use my eyes to show that I’m available to talk rather than averting my gaze to signify I’d rather be alone. Though that might be true. But perhaps it’s not.

Instead of focusing on reading the book that I have to write a book review on, I’ve actually been reading a book that a friend loaned me awhile back called How to Get a Date Worth Keeping. While she didn’t agree with it all, she thought that it would have a few good points for me. I can’t imagine why she would think that as I go out every weekend.

To the grocery store. Okay, so she has a good point. While I believe that God is more than capable of bringing a date (not to mention “The One”) around in His good timing, I’ll admit that I might have some issues that are holding me back from the whole dating process. I’ve never been very warm or open when talking to an available guy. Instead, I clam up (yes, that’s my second reference to a mollusc in this post; I’ll talk about them, but I won’t eat them) and often shoot out sarcasm as poisonous venom if I feel threatened. It’s no wonder I don’t date.

So anyway, I read the book, and though I disagree with almost everything he says, I picked up a hint or two about how I could be more open and inviting, not only to guys who I may be interested in, but also to the human population as a whole. This introvert needs to learn to get out of her shell like any good shellfish and be eaten. Hmm , I think I may have taken the metaphor too far.

In other Friday topics (celebrating Friday on Thursday should be required every week), I’ve just had my third dream about one of my friends getting pregnant. In none of the cases were the friends actually pregnant, or even possibly pregnant (according to any junior high sex education class). It’s rather disturbing to have these dreams, and the last two friends didn’t take it that well when I told them about the dream, so I won’t tell this friend, either.

Lastly, how do you like the new design? I loved the header that Jacki made for me, but I was ready for something new. I feel like Summer did a great job of making me a header that captured my girlyness and my Kansasyness. All that is missing is my penchant to make up new words by adding -ness, -y, and/or -ish.

Any big 4th of July plans? I’ll be attending a BBQ tomorrow with my Care Group, and then mainly chilling the rest of the weekend.

You know, I AM single, and from time to time I wish that I wasn’t.  However, when I saw an advertisement on facebook promising I’d meet, “5 guys in 5 minutes,” that just makes me cringe. Sure, I wouldn’t mind a man in my life, but what would I do with 5? By the way, the name of the website was “Woo Me.” How romantic.

Seriously though, I’m fine with waiting on God, knowing that if He desires, He can bring someone into my life. Sometimes this is a struggle, but other times it’s easy. Having good friends who are also single helps a lot, but I know that someday they may all go off and get married. If that happens, I’ll be happy for them and will enjoy watching their families grow!

There’s lots of things I enjoy about being single. I like being in control of my time and diet. I love having roommates that encourage me and laugh with me (a lot). I enjoy spending time in the homes of others watching their kids…and being able to leave them there at the end of the night.

Are you single? Be encouraged. You are NOT alone. If you are His child, He is always with you (Psalm 23). Reach out to those who are around you and seek to serve them. Because you can dictate your own schedule and may live alone means that you are probably more able to take opportunities to serve others. At the same time, it can be easy to ignore them, so it will take some effort on your part. (1 Corinthians 7:32-34)

If you are married, do you know someone who is single in your church? Invite them to dinner, write them a note, or do something else nice. It can be hard, especially in churches as they are so family-oriented. Include them in regular activities, and adopt them as a part of your family for church functions.
If you haven’t taken the opportunity yet, please let me know how my new blog looks. Constructive criticism is welcome! I want it to be reader-friendly, so I have to hear from the, um, readers.