I'm sticking my tongue out like the snake. I remember doing it every time we saw this snake at the zoo.

Not only were there serious moments in the last 5 years, but there were some funny ones as well.

Here are 5 of my favorites…

1. When toilet stall selection became one of the most discussed post on my blog. Definitely didn’t see it making the big time…

2. When my then roommate, current roommate, and I found $110 in a bush. Still a topic of lively discussion. You bet I looked in that bush every time I walked by it…not so much as a penny.

3. When I saw a man blowing bubbles in traffic. I still don’t get it.

4. When the boy I babysit yelled, “It ate its butt!” throughout the neighborhood.

5. All my crazy dreams, including the one that got me interviewed for the Washington Post.

Overall, I’m very happy with what’s happened in the last 5 years. I still enjoy blogging and look forward to seeing where I go in the next 5 years.

I’m not sure if it’s the drugs I’m taking or the fever (that’s currently being masked by Tylenol and Ibuprofen, but is still there), but when I sleep at night, I have one long connected dream. But the thing is, it’s not like a usual dream, where you don’t feel like you have any control over it. This type of dream I semi-control as much as I control my thoughts right before I fall asleep…that make sense? And when I get woken up, it takes me longer to distinguish between reality and my dream.

Speaking of sleep, I’m sleeping well. Every time that I wake up though, it’s been time for to take this or that. I actually wasn’t able to keep in my head all the times, so I’ve had to start writing them down.

I know this sounds crazy, but I don’t really feel bad. I cough all the time, and that’s what’s the most painful, but when my cough isn’t acting up, I’m just feeling tired. I’ve not really felt fully awake and aware since Sunday morning, before all this.

I still have the kids until late afternoon today. I’m basically make them do all the things I would normally do: wash the sheets, make and clean up the meals, and maybe even packing my stuff (though I think I can just throw it quickly into my bags). I will have them put it all in my car, though!

I covet your prayers. I’m very thankful that though pneumonia may be fatal in some, God has given me a healthy body and modern medicine. I don’t take those blessings lightly. This has been a week that I have seen God’s grace more clearly since any time since the fire in 2007.

Do you remember when I

No?  Perhaps that’s because that was 4 MONTHS ago, when I was still knee-deep in taxes.

So, about that…here goes.

You know those nights where you remember more than one dream?  Tonight is one of those nights.

In my first dream, I am dancing in a golden wheat field with my husband (that I don’t have), when I fall down a small hill caused by erosion.  Of course, this causes me to exclaim something vulgar, “Abominable, scrumtrulescent goofball!”

Yes, I tend to be verbose in dreams.

Next thing I know, I am in a discussion about antidisestablishmentarianism with Betty White, Edward from Twilight, and Mark Wahlberg.  They are surprisingly astute…I’d love to have another conversation with them.  You’d be surprised to hear the technical words they are throwing around…perhaps I should suggest to my History of the Church and State professor to invite them as guest lecturers (well, except for Edward).

After that, I am sitting at my kitchen table, eating an insipid noodle dish.  All of a sudden, my biology professor is there and anointing my head with oil.  Then he starts blabbering on and on about something controversial: abortion, same-sex marriage, or the war in Iraq.  It’s all a little unclear…what do phenotypes have to do with any of those?

Slam!

“Ms. Thomas, did you have a good nap?” I hear my biology professor–the same man who only moments before was anointing my head–say.

“Wha, huh?”

“I believe you may have been dreaming about the abominable snowman, perhaps?”

Photo by bernat

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

[3/4 of this post was utterly boring so I cut it out] …I’m scared that I might make a C in Europe [history]…a 1000 level class in my major!  That’s why I’m stepping it up and studying 5x as much as I have for the last two tests…oh, yeah, I only studied a combined 3-4 hours on the last two tests combined.

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

…Sometime after I went back to sleep I had a crazy “nightmare.”  When I have scary dreams they are never about slashers or serial killers, but about not being able to get done what I am supposed to.  In this dream, I all of the sudden realized that I had done nothing for my ballet class all semester.  I had forgotten I even had it.  I had to try to find a way to get around having a big fat F in a class that was required so that I could still graduate next week.  This fear of failure continued to fill my thoughts until I was awake enough to realize that it was absolutely not true.  I mean, we don’t even have to have ballet to graduate. [No, I didn't take a ballet class, either.]

Friday, May 13, 2005

College is over! The exclamation point might indicate that I’m excited, but really I’m a little overwhelmed. It’s crazy how fast 4 YEARS can go by…it seems like yesterday when my parents dropped me off and I knew no one…now I’m having a hard time saying goodbye to the incredible friends that God has allowed me to know.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Well, I have to admit something that might make me look like a fool. I got my first C this semester. (that’s not the foolish part…it happens to the best of us) It’s just embarrassing what class I got the C in. HIST 1223. Yes, a 1000-level class, in my major, my last semester. O well. At least I only did 10 hours of work for the entire class. On a brighter note, I did as expected in my other classes and still ended up with a higher GPA than my dismal fall semester. [Now that my schooling career is over, I can tell you that that was my only C. Still embarrassed by what class it was in!]

As often as I have crazy adventure dreams at night (and that is every night these days), I’m even more of a daydreamer.  I’m constantly imagining things in my head: what I’ll do once I’ve reached my emergency savings goal, what I’d do if I was famous, and every step of completely-unrealized relationships from “Wanna go to dinner?” to “I do” (including how I’d tell you about him).  Actually, that last one is a recurring theme in my life.

The problem is, these daydreams are entirely unhelpful.  While these aren’t bad dreams (okay, except the famous one) they aren’t the kinds of dreams that God has for me.  I know that, but this quote still hit home:

“Though we may not be aware of it, we are often at odds with our wise and loving Lord.  The change he is working on is not the change we dream about.” – How People Change by Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp, p. 33

If I could change one thing in my life, it would be to trade in my singleness.  But I don’t think that’s high on God’s to-do list in my life.  I’m hoping that He wants me married, too, but He’s much more concerned with my righteousness.  He wants to root out out the sinful actions in my life and the sinful desires that lead me there.

May God help me make His desire, my desire.

Photo by Denis Collette

Last night in the midst of one of my typical adventure dreams (in this one I was a part of a group being held hostage) there was a tender moment (can a fake moment be tender?) that sticks with me.

In the midst of the hostage situation, I had my head on a man’s shoulder as we played with each other’s hands.  It was something so small, but that’s the desire of my heart…to simply be with someone, even if it’s in the midst of a crazy situation (though preferably not that crazy situation).

I long for that day when there’ll be someone there, all the while knowing that day may never come.  Yet I hope in God, trusting His judgment on the matter to be better than my own, asking Him to remove selfish ambitions from my heart.  Not that it’s not right and good for me to desire a husband–it is–but it’s not right for me to desire it more than I desire God Himself, more than I desire to follow Him.

So as I continue in this adventurous time in my life, I lean on Him, trusting Him to be enough.

“For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD gives grace and glory;
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
O LORD of hosts,
How blessed is the man who trusts in You.”

- Psalm 84:11-12

Photo by photosan0

- The other night I had a dream where I had gone to heaven and we were able to fly.  I wonder if we’ll be able to fly…I mean, I don’t think we’d have wings or anything.  Just pondering.

- I can’t believe in one week I’ll be on my way to Turkey.  Don’t worry, I’ll give you all more details, etc.

- I have 16 books checked out from the library, but I haven’t finished one since the Read-a-thon.  Between being sick and working long days, I’ve been exhausted in the evenings.

- I had thought that I’d lose my voice this time around, but now it’s not looking (sounding? feeling?) like it.  Which is definitely a good thing.

- I want to read Catching Fire, but it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to get it from the library before going to Turkey.  I’ll have to put my requests on hold, and be pushed to the bottom of the list.  Almost tempted to give a friend access to my email account and my library card to check it out when it comes in while I’m gone.  No, I’ll be patient.

- Speaking of Turkey, I’m not quite ready to go.  I mean, of course I haven’t packed, but I also haven’t created a packing list (though I did list all the OTC medicine I’ll need).  The only things set out to pack are the books I’m going to take with me…  I might not have clothes or the things I need for the lessons I’ll teach, but at least I’ll be able to read on the planes!

- Have a great (safe!) Halloween weekend!

With that in mind, here’s the Plan B of my future plans:

1 year from now: I would like to be working where I am now, continuing to improve my skills at my various responsibilities and gaining more.  I also would like to have most/all of an emergency fund stashed away, something that’s only in the infancy stages right now.  I’d like to have grown closer to my church family and continued writing curriculum and teaching Sunday school.  (most of these things are really a part of Plan A, too)

5 years from now: I think I’d like to own a home.  Or at least live in one, because I would like a garden.  Maybe I will have pursued becoming a teacher, as I love children/tweens/teens and teaching.  I hope to be continuing to grow personally and spiritually.  Growing as a writer is also high on my dream list, as I love to write, but I don’t know that I necessarily want to aim at being published.

10 years from now:  More of the same, I suppose.  I would also like to either serve the Lord overseas for an extended time or regularly encourage those who are (I’m currently leaning towards the later).

What do you hope your future looks like?

When people ask me this type of question, I never really know what to say.  There’s really two sets of answers: one with a husband and kids, and one without.  Today, I’ll give the first, and tomorrow the later.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mother.  I remember creating elaborate pretend families with my friends, where we would talk about our half a dozen kids (each) and their names.  No husbands were involved in our fantasy worlds, though.  They had all been killed delivering pizzas (we must have heard about something of the kind on the news, as we certainly weren’t inclined to dark thoughts), and we were happily raising the kids ourselves.

As I got older, those dreams evolved.  Yes, I still want children, but I do want a husband.  Indeed, I believe I was created, as a woman, to be a wife.  I don’t buy into the philosophy that I must be married to be complete, but I do want to live life with someone.

With these dreams in mind, here’s my hopes for the future:

In 1 year, I would love to be dating and/or engaged to the man I would marry.  To be honest, I wouldn’t mind being married before a year is up, if it was right.  I’d also like to be completed with my first novel.  (While I’m dreaming, I’d also like to drop 20 pounds.)

In 5 years, I would love to married with a kid or two.  Ideally, I would be living here or overseas.  Either way, I would want to be serving Christ by being a supportive wife, a loving mother, and an active church member.  Of course, I want to be blogging still, catching up with you all who will be old friends by then.

In 10 years, I’d love to be married with a couple more kids; maybe 4 total.  I would be actively involved in the training and education of these children, whether or not that would include homeschooling, I don’t know.  I would still like to be actively involved in my church, whatever my role might look like then.

Tomorrow I’ll share my Plan B, otherwise known as my goals if Prince Charming doesn’t show.

One thing that I have wanted to do for some time is write a novel. I don’t want to write to be famous or rich, though I suppose those wouldn’t be bad if they came. I don’t want to write because I think that I’m an amazing writer or would be able to make a career out of it, because I believe my writing and creativity are nothing spectacular. I want to write because I love to write.

In the last year, I have fallen in love with writing for this blog. I truly enjoy it, and not just because of the friends I’ve made here. I enjoy writing in this style. I enjoy writing humorous posts to get you chuckling; I enjoy writing serious posts about topics near to my heart. I also feel that I have grown in my writing, like these daily posts are daily exercises of my writing muscles.

After I received my laptop last week, one of the first things I did was download novel-writing software (yWriter). I haven’t done much with it, but it’s there and I’ve started a novel to play around with it, the idea that was the freshest in my mind.

I’ve said it before, but the main thing that holds me back from being a novel writer is that I don’t think that my writing will live up to my own standards. I’m not being modest; I’m being truthful. Very few modern authors are truly worth reading, in my opinion, and I’m not egotistical enough to think that I could ever count myself among them.

Instead of seeking to be the best, I’m merely seeking to do my best, even if no one else were to read it. I think that’s a worthy cause in itself.

So, with my first 173 words, I now can call myself a novel-writer.