Ignorant Historian

Since we all enjoy laughing at me (or the 22yo version of me), here’s another couple of posts from my Xanga days.  It’s amazing to me how much it reads just like a journal, and an un-interesting one at that. And clearly I didn’t know that it’s a big blogging no-no to write about your company on a blog.

Sunday, April 17, 2005
Today has been totally awesome…everytime I turn around I see another blessing from God!

This morning Dana and I went shopping and I bought an outfit for the Spring Banquet. It’s so cute! Then we went to lunch at Ted’s…it was delicious and complete with a Dr. Pepper to go.

At work I got trained on the Service Desk. It was a great change from regular cashiering and chances are I’ll be doing SD not too unfrequently now. It’s sad to see what people try to get away with. And not just your “average” criminal either. Anyone, from someone who looks like your grandma to someone who looks like your minister try to mess with Wal-mart and get money for free.

Being at the Service Desk is nice because the customers come and go, and I have a chance to walk around a lot as well as talk to people. I haven’t really had anyone get mad at me…yet. Though I’m sure that will happen soon.

Sorry to ramble on about Wal-mart. It’s just been cool to see how God’s been placing opportunities for me to develop relationships with my co-workers right in my lap!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

As most of you know, I work at Wal-mart. It’s a pretty decent job, and it’s a company that really looks out for the little people. However, over the past few months, one thing has became more and more obvious to me…

Wal-mart is obsessed with Sam Walton. Not just a little obsessed…majorly obsessed. The other day I took the time to look at how many mentions of him there are in the breakroom alone (it’s not just a closet, it’s 2x as big as the normal classroom at OU). There were 6 portraits of him, of only two different poses, and 12 quotes of things he said. This is in the breakroom alone, not counting the many quotes and pictures there are of him throughout the store. Every month in the employee’s magazine, there generally is an article that is republished from a speech he said back when he was still alive. Oh yeah, if you didn’t know, he died some time ago, in the early 90s I believe. That just makes everything more creepy. It makes me feel like he’s Big Brother or something.

Enough of that; I just had to get it off of my chest. It’s been bugging me. In less than a month, I’ll no longer work there.

I’m starting a new series here at the Ignorant Historian.  As I’ve been talking lately about my starts in the blogging world, it occurred to me that there were a few, umm, “gems” from my Xanga-ing days that I don’t want to lose sight of.  I won’t be featuring everything, but just a few here and there that made me snicker.  I think you’ll come to realize I wasn’t always quite the eloquent blogger I am now (ha!).

Here, with my first 3 Xanga posts in their entire, is my start in the weblogging world.  These are from the tail-end of my senior year at the University of Oklahoma.  I’m surprised anyone read these at all.

Friday, April 08, 2005
Okay, so it took me awhile to decide, but I figured I might as well start a xanga. I like hopping on the bandwagon as it starts to slow down. Actually, I generally like hopping. I should be researching for my 15-page research paper (due Tuesday). I suppose that was the final straw in my joining-xanga decision.

Saturday, April 09, 2005
So, an actual post. I’ve had a problem these last few days with my attire. The problem is, you see, that I have matched. Yesterday I matched (my nail polish and my shirt, of all things!) and Thursday I matched (my cute flip flops, my shirt, my bag, and my nails!). I’m having a major fashion crisis here! I am not cutesy enough to always match! That is why today, I am wearing a t-shirt.

I’m in the middle of writing my research paper over the constitution of Japan. It’s going fairly smoothly, but I would much rather be doing pretty much anything else.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005
I got found out.

Today at the Union, I tried to kick Mindy. However, my legs (being short, just ask Mindy) I have a very short radius on who I can kick so she quickly got out of harm’s way. However, I was caught. Brian snuck up from behind me and saw the whole thing. I publicly apologize for any harm I have caused.

Then, we went up the elevator. On the second floor the door opened, and there was a cart there. Mindy said, “Uh…I don’t know what to do…um…do I need to scoot over?” I just laughed and said, “Mindy, I don’t think the cart is going to come in on its own…”

Next, we went to Wendy’s where another “finding out” happened. I was publicly rebuked. I really can’t tell too much of the details, but if you are a girl, ask and I’ll tell you. Sarah, I thought we were better friends than this. I can’t help it if my shadow does everything I do.

In class today, I turned in my paper! I also gave a 5 minute presentation about my topic. I’m glad that’s over. I got to go second, which is awesome so I had the rest of the 2 hr. 50 min. class to sit there and zone out (I’m sorry, I tried to listen!) and do my best to comment on others’ presentations.

After class, Mindy and I went to Wal-mart, where we were promptly checked out (it’s not just me after all!) with my only purchase, Ocean’s 12! I only went about 20 feet and 2 minutes into the store; it was so nice.

Last, but certainly not least, I came home to my hall full of girls and was pleasantly greeted by the hottest member of the hall, Kerie. (she says Amen to that!)

Tonight will be my last night to sleep in my apartment.

While the big move is happening on Saturday morning, I’m taking advantage of my future roommate’s hospitality by not staying the night in my already-packed apartment.  I love the flexibility in this move (I’ve been bringing little stuff over for weeks).

As of this weekend, I’ll no longer be an apartment-dweller.

It feels like this move has been a long time coming.  I suppose that’s because I’ve known the whens and wheres of the move since last August.

As sad as it is to leave my roommate of 3 years, I’m ready for the change.  Living with Jen will be different, for sure.  It will take some adjusting for both of us.  It will force me to be less of a hermitess.

But yay for new beginnings!

1. What is your favorite sport?

To watch: football.  To play: tennis (and about the only sport I’d play).

2. Which day of the week do you look forward to most?

During tax season, it was Tuesdays (my late start day).  Now, I’m not sure.  I actually prefer the structure of weekdays to the weekend (I know, weird), so maybe Mondays?  I do spend time with 2 of my favorite people every other Monday, so that’d make sense.

3. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

If it’s a secret, how would I know?  But not that I know of, no.

4. Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?

Scrambled (or hard-boiled).  Once tried sunny side up because it looked good, but I was VERY mistaken.  If I make them myself, I like to add cheddar cheese and ranch dressing…yum!

5. What was the first plane ride you took?

To Chicago, when I was 16.  It was for Science Olympiad, when we were going to Nationals for my first time.  We actually waited around in the small Wichita airport for 7 hours (this was pre-9/11) because they kept delaying our flight and then switched us.  It was quite bumpy, too, since there were a lot of storms, but I didn’t know better at the time.  Now, turbulence bothers me more than I’d like to admit (though I’m a big roller coaster junkie–go figure).  And though I got started flying late, I’ve not stopped, and now routinely fly 4 times a year.

Do you like rainy days or snowy winter days more?

Snowy days if I get to stay indoors.  If I have to be out in it, I like the rain.  Actually, being out in the rain often makes me laugh-out-loud happy; I don’t know why.

Tell me about something you really regret?

Joining the masses in being mean to classmates in middle school.  I don’t even think it occurred to me that the rumors I heard and spread probably weren’t true.

Tell me about your favorite music?

My favorite singer is Collin Raye as I love his voice.  My favorite band is Maroon 5 (I’m surprised my copy of “Songs about Jane” still works), though I wish their lyrics on their latest CD were cleaner.  I love the goofy play-on-words lyrics to Barenaked Ladies’ songs.  I tend to like pop-y stuff and have a recent obsession with the music of Disney stars Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato.  My favorite worship music is Sovereign Grace’s “Sons and Daughters” CD.

What is something or someone you miss the most from childhood?

Being a part of a close family…doing things together and having people around to talk to.  Not that I don’t love my independence now, but I miss that.

Are you the kind of person that you would want to have as a friend?

Absolutely not.  I tend not to like people like myself (and they tend not to like me).  We can be acquaintances, but will likely never be good friends.

I’m an introvert.  Many of you probably already knew this.  It’s not hard to figure out from my lack of “partying” posts and all the time I spend reading (and blogging, too).  I know those of you who know me in real life know this.

As an introvert I need time alone.  Nothing wrong with this…it’s the way that God made me.  Spending time with people is draining, and I’ve got to re-charge in a dark, quiet room, usually with a good book or an episode of Glee or any NCIS or CSI.

But as a sinful introvert, I crave time alone and overindulge.  As a part of my church’s How People Change class (great book…definitely recommend it!), we’re required to work on something in our life that needs changing for our Personal Growth Project.

At the encouragement of my extremely-extroverted future roommate (Jen), I agreed that my escapist tendencies (and the sinful underlying desires and motives) needed to be the subject of my project.

Friday was a peaceful day at the office.  The storm was over.  This should have been a relaxing day, but I found that I was rather miserable.  Why?  I didn’t take too much time to investigate the inner workings of me, as I realized I had spent the whole week focused INWARD.  Solution?  Turning my focus outwards.

This past weekend I had several social opportunities that I had initially dismissed as they weren’t “my thing.”  Once I chose this project, I quickly committed to them, and told Jen so that she’d hold me accountable.

You know what? It wasn’t so bad.  While I wouldn’t say that I enjoyed every minute of those social events, I didn’t despise them. Uncomfortable moments came…and passed.  I even added in some impromptu hangout time with roommates past, present, and future (to their great surprise).

The great thing was that it wasn’t even draining.  Yes, I was tired at the end of the weekend, but no more than I would after any normal day.  Though my feelings don’t rule me, I did feel better Sunday night after spending all weekend with people than I did Friday afternoon after spending the day alone. God indeed gives grace for the tasks He gives me.

Photo by foreverdigital

This post is TWO YEARS old, sitting in my drafts folder. We ended up not going contra dancing that night after all (not my decision, but I was incredibly grateful!). I decided to save it for whenever they wanted me to go again…but fortunately was never asked. I think you’ll agree that it’s rather timeless.

Tonight I’m going out with some friends to go contra dancing. Don’t know what contra dancing is? I really don’t either. All I know is that it’s a dance kinda like line dancing or square dancing. Okay. What I CAN tell you is that this is a very big step for me.

Since this is list month:

Why I Don’t Want to Go Contra Dancing Tonight

1. I generally avoid excessive physical exertion. Swimming is my exercise of choice. Swimming =/= dancing.

2. I’m not a good dancer and avoid having to prove it.

3. Apart from a brief stint in a ballet class in middle school, I’ve never danced in public.

4. My to-do list is growing by the day.

5. I haven’t a clue how to contra dance.

Yet,

Why I Am Going to Go Contra Dancing Tonight

1. Friends who desire my good (I think) have pressed me to go.

2. I believe that you should try something before you say you don’t like it.

3. I said I would go if a certain other friend would go.

4. She apparently isn’t as hard headed and anti-dance as me and has agreed to go.

5. I gave my word.

If I live through this, I’ll let you know how it goes!

This past week Jen and I started our garden.  It was perfect timing as she was on spring break and with tax season coming to a head, I was dreaming that I was to.  Here’s what we did:

(I apologize for the dizzing picture taking over the side of the deck) We planted some phlox (the pots were left by the previous owner, so we had to put something in them).  I think they may get too big for these pots, but oh well.

We planted some cucumber (near) and zucchini (far).  Can’t you tell?  Okay, obviously they aren’t sprouting yet in this picture, 15 minutes after they were planted.  Not pictured are the hair ties holding the stakes together.

See, look, actual plants!  This is a bell pepper (foreground…complete with my partial handprint on the left there ) and tomato.  I bought the Better Boy tomato plant because it said that it was America’s favorite.  While I’m usual skeptical of such claims, I went with it as I didn’t want to unintentionally end up with tiger-striped tomatoes or something.

And here are our herbs.  From front to back: parsley, cilantro, mint, and rosemary.  I have no idea what you do with rosemary, but it was the one that Jen was the most excited about.  The mint is growing from seeds (those seeds are tiny…I think I threw way too many in accidentally!) so that’s why you don’t see them.

If you’re growing a garden this year, what are you planting?  When will you do it? (I know we can plant earlier here in NC than in KS where I grew up as it’s thankfully a milder climate here.)

I wish I could let you live a Sunday through my eyes.  I’d be the last one to claim that our church is perfect.  You wouldn’t have to spend time with us long to see we’re a group of sinners.

But every day there’s also evidence of the grace that God’s given us as He grows and stretches us.  I’ve been part of groups before that I have loved dearly, but there is still something special about the local church, the body of Christ.

I know that I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without these people in my life.  From a pastor who faithful speaks the truth from the pulpit to friends who will encourage and sharpen me, I can hardly help but grow closer to God.

Being vulnerable with others isn’t always easy for me.  Yet there are little things that remind me that it is right and good.

A hug from a good friend after a mutual sharing of struggles.

Material things, talents and gifts not held possessively, but shared with all who may use them.

“How are you?” asked as a question, not a greeting.

And it’s these little things that make me fall in love with my church all over again.

Photo by Aunt Owwee

Thanks to Jen for basically writing the last couple of paragraphs of this post. It’s humbling (and ironic) to not even know how to finish my thoughts on this subject.

I’m a woman of control.

Or at least that’s what I want.

My problem (okay, one of them) is that I think I know best.  About everything.  Not only do I think I know what’s best for those around me, I think I know what’s best for me, too.  Always have, just ask my mom.

The thing is, I don’t.  I might be blessed with worldly smarts, but I’m still sorely lacking in true wisdom.  As we’ve been walking through Solomon’s life in my kindergarten Sunday school class, we’ve been talking a lot about wisdom.  I think the best way to learn a concept is to have to try to explain it to a 5-year-old…there are so many concepts I can’t quite get across to them (glory, the Trinity).  If you ask them, I hope they can tell you that we’ve talked about how wisdom is knowing what is right and good.

The older I get (and in theory, the wiser I get), the more I realize that I’m like a 3 on a scale of 100 of possible human wisdom.  At most.

Last week I realized that I’m okay with my singleness as long as I in my earthly “wisdom” can decipher out a way out.  And as far as singleness goes, the way I want out is a man, a plan, and a ring by spring…or at least by next spring.

Hmm, that doesn’t sound like contentment to me.

Just shows me that I still demand control of my own life, my own future.  That I prefer my plans to whatever God has in store for me, as foolish as that is.  I know that God knows what’s best for me (He knows me better than myself!), but somehow I can’t get that to truly stick in my daydreaming head.

It’s times like this that I have to remind myself that I have been fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and that the very hairs on my head are numbered (Matthew 10:30)–gray or not–and that before one day of my life came to pass, God ordained each of them (Psalm 139:16).  How foolish I am to think that I would know more than Him!  How can I know myself better than the one who knit me in my mother’s womb (v. 13)?

Moment by moment, I must make the choice to trust Him in His infinite wisdom.  I give Him the reigns one night, only to rip them back from him minutes, or at most, hours later.  It is only when I trust Him that I can truly find contentment.

God, help me remember that.

Photo by Drunken Monkey