It seems like the longer the blog, the stranger the searches that lead to me.   I suppose it’s my own fault though, I do like to write about some interesting stuff.  So, here’s what’s led to the Ignorant Historian:

“children to call my own” never

Umm, thanks.  Real uplifting.

dear tonge

I imagine Tonge would like his name capitalized.

“depression” die a virgin

Once again, this one really cheers me up.

original name on toothpaste tubes

Not really sure why you’re curious about this one…

quotes that make people go :|

I don’t even know how to make that little guy, nor do I know what it means.  Anyone fluent in smilies and can help me out?  Even so, how do quotes make you make that face?

ignorant pepele at weddings

Amanda and April, I’ll try to keep ignorant “pepele” away from your weddings.

what color jewelry to wear with an orange shirt

How about not wearing an orange shirt and go with crimson instead?

life is easy for an ignorant

I’m going to go all middle school and say, “You would know.”

be a soldier a interest think

EXACTLY.

a name for someone that’s always on the phone

Let’s see…a phone-sitter.

Dear Toothpaste Tube,

I’m sorry that I have not been fair to you over the last few months.  To be completely honest, you’re not my first.  This twice-daily relationship we’ve had has been sweet, but it’s nothing new to me.

Nor is it forever.  You might have noticed, but you don’t have much to offer me anymore.  Soon, I’ll be finding another, younger, flashier toothpaste tube.  I’m sorry if this is hurtful to hear, but I just want to be completely honest with you.

And that gets me back to the original reason to write this letter to you.  I feel guilty and must confess that I’ve not treated you like I’ve treated the toothpaste tubes before you.  I’m afraid that I’ve hurt you by treating you so carelessly.  In the past I’ve been a strict toothpaste tube roller.  It’s efficient and neat, after all.

But I’ve not given you that courtesy.  Instead, my actions have left you an utter mess.  I have made you look like a worthless piece of trash, albeit unconsciously.  And for that, I’m very sorry.

I promise to treat the new toothpaste tube with the care and respect that you  deserved.

A newly-recommitted toothpaste tube roller,

Ronnica

I love the kids at church. It’s rare that they don’t make me laugh on any given Sunday. One of the things that we’ve been teaching the kindergarteners is how to find the passages we are studying in the Bible. This might seem a bit ridiculous since most of them are pre-readers, but we are starting to show them that what we learn at church aren’t just interesting old stories, but God’s Word. We help the kids find the book when they need help (and at this point, most of them still do), but the kids get really excited when they finally find the passage on their own for the first time.

Right now we’re in Numbers, the fourth book in the Bible. Sunday I was helping them recognize “Numbers” even if they couldn’t read it.

So I asked, “What’s the first book of the Bible?”

The kids answered, “Genesis.”

“What letter does Genesis start with?”

“G,” a few of the kids responded.

“What’s the second book of the Bible?”

“Exodus.”

“What letter does Exodus start with?”

The whole class answers enthusiastically, “X!”

As a public service to you, my dear readers, I am declaring today “Orange Awareness Day.”  It has come to my attention that the dubious color orange has taken a rank in the world that it doesn’t deserve.

Orange is not a pretty color.  Sure, it has a rightful place on the color wheel, but there is good reason that Sorry, Trouble, Candyland, and other reputable children games do not have orange game pieces.  The color simply does not belong in the hands of babes.

Orange is the color of construction signs for a good reason.  Orange construction barrels caution you to stay away.  Both construction and orange are best if avoided.

While there is nothing particularly objectionable about orange the fruit, you may notice that the part that is the most orange, the peel, is not eaten.  The concentration of orange simply makes it bitter and inedible.

I recently was encouraged to hear this very message in a young child who was playing with a toy that had the ill fortune of having some orange beads among it’s myriad of colors.  I asked her if we liked orange, and she properly responded, “No.”  I asked her what color we do like, and she respectfully listed the rest of the rainbow.  Attagirl.

Orange should not be the color of toys, pens, beds, jewelry, cars, or shoes. 

Most of all, orange should never be the color of football jerseys.

Please forward this message to any Clemson Tiger, Oklahoma State Cowboy, Florida Gator, or texas longhorn fan you may know.  It is the time for new beginnings.

And one last thing…

Boomer Sooner!

When I have teenaged children, I’m going to teach them how to use proper spelling and grammar in online communication, and if they don’t, they’re going to have to do work to prove to me they know it (e.g. write the usages of your and you’re 20x each). I don’t care if they use texting shorthand or whatever, but if they’re writing a real word IT WILL BE SPELLED CORRECTLY.

That is all.

ETA: Oh, wow.  Yes, I did have a weird typing error in this post that is now fixed, the kind where I think faster than I type.  I wrote it in a hurry; that’s what I get.  Oh, the irony…

Recently I’ve seen some pretty flagrant disregard for the unwritten (why would I need to write them?) rules of sprinkles. Since you seem to need reminding, here are the rules (I see I need to write them after all).

(say in a cheesy announcer voice) It’s time again to play WaCkY SeArChEs!

On today’s episode, we’ll talk about skunks, spelling, and silly putty!

how to do spelling mistake, & wording mistake
Most people don’t need any help with this.

famous lines from schildrens books
See, he can do it.

marble memmory
That’s a lot of Ms…

dollars found after several years
If it’s just one or two it isn’t anything to write home about.

2/3 of all men are married to 3/5
Do the men marry fractions or dates?

getting ou ink stains
Is that like getting an OU tattoo? I’m not that daring…

how to make silly putty without starch or barack
You were going somewhere there until you decided to mention the junior Senator from Illinois.

spelling of eek
That’s how I spell it.

which place is more beautiful north carolina or kansas
I don’t know that I’ve ever mentioned this, but I do think Kansas is more beautiful.

what could a girl were for nerd day
For starters, something that is correctly spelled.

ramesh parachute spider
Should I be worried?

flip the chicken game
I’ve never played it. Is it like hot potato?

information about skunks for kindergarteners
Tell them that they shouldn’t be scared of them!

kindergarten picture of a skunk
Skunks go to kindergarten?

hairless cats kansas
I blame Julie.

seminar raleigh push my buttons
Hehe, I don’t need to go to seminar to learn how to push people’s buttons.

russia school toilet squat girls
Mm-kay.

girdle goodness
Uh…

how to remove ink from tongue
Ooh, been there, done that. I was on a roadtrip, too. I never sucked on a pen to get it writing again, though.

nerd school accomplishments
What are you trying to say, Mr. Google?

next…if the stalls are empty…where would u stand
LOL. Who knew a bathroom stall discussion would lead to this search.

spelling of well when used of goodness
“Well” is only always spelled one way, no matter how it’s used. But don’t confuse it with “we’ll.”

Well, that’s all folks!

—————————————————————————–

I’m thankful for my church family. Every Sunday I grow to love them more and more.

This post is entirely tongue in cheek. I’m just trying to come up with what your stall choice could possibly say about you. Truly, I don’t think it CAN say much about you, other than, you know, which toilet stall you choose.

The results of the “Which Toilet Would You Choose?” survey were enlightening. This is what your stall choice says about you:

If you chose stall A, then you could be clumsy and/or lazy. You go for convenience above other things. You may also harbor some fear of being stuck in the bathroom stall.

If you chose stall B, you are probably lazy too, but you also want others to think that you’re considerate.

If you chose stall C, you probably have been to a SAT or test prep seminar. You were coached to choose “C” if you didn’t know the answer back then, and now you pick the middle when given a variety of answers just so you don’t have to think about which to choose.

If you chose stall D, then you are rare indeed. You probably are scared of what others will think of you if they see you walk to the end of the toilets and have to backtrack as the last toilet is not up to your standards.

If you chose stall E, then you are concerned about your personal safety. Being in the corner also provides you with the anonymity you crave.

Thanks for playing along! I remember hearing once that people tend to choose the middle stall, but this very unscientific survey found the opposite. Stalls C and D were the least likely to be chosen.

Can I ask you a question? I promise, it’s not a serious one. If you were to walk into this bathroom, which stall would you use?

You know, I’ve never been under the influence of alcohol or drugs, but I think that this might be what it feels like. Getting 241 comments in one day is so heady!

So, I thought I’d give you the tallies as to the verdicts in the cases Mikey vs. Ronnica and Ronnica vs. The Bubble Dude. The frog has yet to file suit.

In the case of Mikey vs. Ronnica, the jury of my peers (that’d be you all) believed me to be in the right by a vote of 39 to 6. Twenty-seven people abstained and just told me how funny I am. I’m cool with that, too. =)

A few of the post-trial jury interviews revealed the true feelings of the jurors:

“This is the ghost of Mikey and it’s NOT okay!!” – Mrs. Mouthy

Whoa, whoa. Who let a ghost on the jury? Particularly of his own case?

“And this is Mikey’s Mom and I AM GOING TO COME AND GET YOU!!!! That is the way it is with us bugs, we stick together!!” – Felicia Eis

Who SCREENED this jury???

“I will think twice before killing a spider next time. I cant get the picture of that little guy holding on for dear life before finally losing his grip. Poor thing!” – Never a Dull Moment

But he crossed the LINE!

“You were nice enough to let hime live for a while in your corner! I could not have done that.” – Kelly Deneen

That’s what I’m talking about.

“I’ve had extra company in the shower before, he and Mikey must be cut from the same egg sac.” – Becky

Ah, sympathy. Or maybe this is a conspiracy?

“I hope you didn’t hit a nerve with Mr. Spider…or shall I say a “spider vein”?” - Emma

I’m sure I did.

“You aren’t alone. I’m afraid I would have done the same thing. I pay the mortgage and don’t tolerate intruders.” – Peggy

Yeah! I don’t see him chipping in his share of the rent. Moving on…

——————————————————————————–

In the case of Ronnica vs. The Bubble Dude, the jury of my peers found The Bubble Dude to be off his rocker by a vote of 26 to 21. Four jurors were out blowing bubbles themselves and forgot to weigh in.

Our interviews with the jurors revealed the tension of the close decision:

“That is a little odd… but bubbles do make everyone happy – right?” – Kimmie0270

But does that make it right? Should somethings be done in the privacy of your own home?

“My mom used to carry the phone reciever, complete with cord, in her purse. (this was before cell phones!) At stop lights she would “answer” it and tell the person next to her “its for you” while stretching phone..cord and all…out of the window. Some people are just trying to share smiles!” - Never A Dull Moment

That explains your blog title!

“There’s no accounting for guys ~ they are a very strange species, indeed! Maybe the bubble-blower just felt a little quirky that day? :)” - Bebe

“Hmmm. There must be something wrong with me. That actually sounds like fun. In fact, as I read it, I started thinking that I needed to get some bubbles in my car, too. I may still… but really it’s for fun not for freak. I promise.” – Michelle

Maybe the Bubble Dude is really a girl?

“My first thought was drugs.Then flirting.Then maybe I was thinking he is just trying to quit smoking. Maybe he needs to replace his smoking with something else. hehe!” – Kelly Deneen

That’s a reasonable explanation, I suppose. It is NC. Everyone is quitting smoking.

“With people pointing guns at one another in traffic, I’d say bubbles are a welcomed change. If he tried to get out of his car though, I would’ve gunned it.” - Mrs. Bear

Gunned it? Or gunned him? Maybe there needs to be another trial…

“Maybe he is a professional clown and was heading to a party and needed to warm up his bubble blowing muscles!! :)” – Michelle

I need to stretch my bubble-blowing muscles right now…

“I used to drive around wearing a duck bill, blowing bubbles…” - Hot Tub Lizzy

No WONDER he got sympathy from the jury. It’s made up of a bunch of crazies! =)

“I remember reading once that thugs tend to avoid crazy people themselves, though, so you might want to go get your own bottle of bubbles…” – Mrs. Mouthy

Ah, good point, good point. Let me put that on my grocery list.

“There is that fine line. Between good old fashioned fun. And creepy.”There is that fine line. Between good old fashioned fun. And creepy.“ – Kat

I think that’s what we’ve shown here today. Have a good weekend, everyone!