Ignorant Historian » Humor

Fairy Thoughts and Leftywater

Ronnica — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 04:18:40 +0000

It’s that time again…time to see what people search to find this blog! Here goes:

taco bell sauce recipe

Not sure how that ended up here. I don’t even eat at Taco Bell (never been a fan of fast food Mexican). Certainly have no desire to duplicate it. I hope my food tastes better than that.

a little bit quady, orange tx

No words.

fairy thoughts

I’ve never met a fairy, so I don’t know what they think.

Why would a christian guy not pursue a girl he likes

I would like to know the answer to this one!

“new haircut” easier

The easiest way to get a new haircut is to pull out a pair of scissors and start chopping away. Don’t know that that is the best way, though.

leftywater

Water is made up of one oxygen atoms and two hydrogen atoms, no matter your handedness.

happy birthday ignorant worm song

You want to wish an ignorant worm “happy birthday”? How do you distinguish between learned worm and an ignorant one?

Ronnica Dull

Thanks…I’d like to think that I was at least a *little* bit entertaining, at least in the train-wreck sorta way.

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I’m Just an Impenetrable Fortress of Unknowability

Ronnica — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 04:59:12 +0000

“I’ve received many emails from opinionated folks saying, ‘I have extensively researched this issue,’ by which they mean, ‘I’ve read a lot of blogs.’ Let’s be clear: neither frequent viewership of Fox News nor owning a copy of An Inconvenient Truth makes one ‘an expert.’ ” – Green Like God by Jonathan Merritt, p. 166

“A human being is like a novel: until the last page you don’t know how it will end. Or it wouldn’t be worth reading…” – We by Yevgeny Zamyatin, p. 162

“We realize that we are saved not just to be forgiven of our sins or to be assured of our eternity in heaven, but we are saved to know God.” – Radical by David Platt, p. 39

[girls are] “an impenetrable fortress of unknowability, really.” – An Abundance of Katherines by John Green, p. 76

“Of all the great world religions, Christianity should value the body most. After all, it taught that God had in some sense taken a human body and used it to redeem the world; everything about the physical should have been sacred and sacramental.” – The Spiral Staircase by Karen Armstrong, p. 219

“I’m at a point now where if preachers can’t come up with something other than inspirational speeches, then maybe they should just read from the word for their sermon.” – a college student quoted in Radical by David Platt, p. 40

“Americans are a charitable people, but what we give away is not quite as astounding when seen in proportion to what we keep.” – Green Like God by Jonathan Merritt, p. 130-131

“Poems are short because nobody can keep up that level of stupidness for more than one page.” – Prom by Laurie Halse Anderson

“As for the future, the only way that the world can say no to genocide is to make sure the people of Darfur are returned to their homes and given protection. If the world allows the people of Darfur to be removed forever from their land and their way of life, then genocide will happen elsewhere because it will be seen as something that works.” – The Translator by Daoud Hari, p. X

“For example, you’re probably not expecting me to ask you out for dinner tonight.” – Taub
(immediately)”No thanks.” – House
“You won’t even consider it?”
“I did, just very quickly.” – House episode “The Choice”

“Do you ever wonder whether people would like you more or less if they could see inside you?” – An Abundance of Katherines by John Green, p. 149

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Searching for Lady Ignorant

Ronnica — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 04:16:41 +0000

Just a handful of searches that lead to this very blog:

“obsessed with my past wedding”

I can’t help but think that that’s not healthy for a marriage. Unless you’re Miss Havisham, and then well, it’s just not healthy, period.

“lipsmaker ingredients”
Crack?

“Lord Ignorant”
I prefer to be called “Lady Ignorant,” thankyouverymuch.

“quotes on dealing with ignorant females”

Sure WOMEN can be ignorant just like men, but at least we don’t call you all “males.”

“why my sil will be sleeping hard”
Amanda, care to chime in on this one?

I love my teaching profession
As opposed to a teaching hobby, I suppose. (Wait, I DO have a teaching hobby.)

lunch detention for tardies worksheet
Don’t be a tardy!

“wedding uno”
But it takes dos to wed, and THEN you’re uno. (Dare you to yell out “Uno!” at the next wedding you attend.)

“easter r dress”
Ummm…

“how to grow gernamiums”
I hear they respond better when you get their name right.

“edward is”
“Stalkerish,” “creepy,” and “not hot” would all fit that blank.

Bing search: “major points for pro-choice”
For all their hullabaloo about being the better search engine, they certainly got this one wrong.

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Phone Sitting and More

Ronnica — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:54:50 +0000

It seems like the longer the blog, the stranger the searches that lead to me. I suppose it’s my own fault though, I do like to write about some interesting stuff. So, here’s what’s led to the Ignorant Historian:

“children to call my own” never

Umm, thanks. Real uplifting.

dear tonge

I imagine Tonge would like his name capitalized.

“depression” die a virgin

Once again, this one really cheers me up.

original name on toothpaste tubes

Not really sure why you’re curious about this one…

quotes that make people go :|

I don’t even know how to make that little guy, nor do I know what it means. Anyone fluent in smilies and can help me out? Even so, how do quotes make you make that face?

ignorant pepele at weddings

Amanda and April, I’ll try to keep ignorant “pepele” away from your weddings.

what color jewelry to wear with an orange shirt

How about not wearing an orange shirt and go with crimson instead?

life is easy for an ignorant

I’m going to go all middle school and say, “You would know.”

be a soldier a interest think

EXACTLY.

a name for someone that’s always on the phone

Let’s see…a phone-sitter.

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Dear Toothpaste Tube

Ronnica — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 13:10:02 +0000

Dear Toothpaste Tube,

I’m sorry that I have not been fair to you over the last few months. To be completely honest, you’re not my first. This twice-daily relationship we’ve had has been sweet, but it’s nothing new to me.

Nor is it forever. You might have noticed, but you don’t have much to offer me anymore. Soon, I’ll be finding another, younger, flashier toothpaste tube. I’m sorry if this is hurtful to hear, but I just want to be completely honest with you.

And that gets me back to the original reason to write this letter to you. I feel guilty and must confess that I’ve not treated you like I’ve treated the toothpaste tubes before you. I’m afraid that I’ve hurt you by treating you so carelessly. In the past I’ve been a strict toothpaste tube roller. It’s efficient and neat, after all.

But I’ve not given you that courtesy. Instead, my actions have left you an utter mess. I have made you look like a worthless piece of trash, albeit unconsciously. And for that, I’m very sorry.

I promise to treat the new toothpaste tube with the care and respect that you deserved.

A newly-recommitted toothpaste tube roller,

Ronnica

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The Things Kids Say

Ronnica — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 12:03:54 +0000

I love the kids at church. It’s rare that they don’t make me laugh on any given Sunday. One of the things that we’ve been teaching the kindergarteners is how to find the passages we are studying in the Bible. This might seem a bit ridiculous since most of them are pre-readers, but we are starting to show them that what we learn at church aren’t just interesting old stories, but God’s Word. We help the kids find the book when they need help (and at this point, most of them still do), but the kids get really excited when they finally find the passage on their own for the first time.

Right now we’re in Numbers, the fourth book in the Bible. Sunday I was helping them recognize “Numbers” even if they couldn’t read it.

So I asked, “What’s the first book of the Bible?”

The kids answered, “Genesis.”

“What letter does Genesis start with?”

“G,” a few of the kids responded.

“What’s the second book of the Bible?”

“Exodus.”

“What letter does Exodus start with?”

The whole class answers enthusiastically, “X!”

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Orange Awareness Day

Ronnica — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:19:39 +0000

As a public service to you, my dear readers, I am declaring today “Orange Awareness Day.” It has come to my attention that the dubious color orange has taken a rank in the world that it doesn’t deserve.

Orange is not a pretty color. Sure, it has a rightful place on the color wheel, but there is good reason that Sorry, Trouble, Candyland, and other reputable children games do not have orange game pieces. The color simply does not belong in the hands of babes.

Orange is the color of construction signs for a good reason. Orange construction barrels caution you to stay away. Both construction and orange are best if avoided.

While there is nothing particularly objectionable about orange the fruit, you may notice that the part that is the most orange, the peel, is not eaten. The concentration of orange simply makes it bitter and inedible.

I recently was encouraged to hear this very message in a young child who was playing with a toy that had the ill fortune of having some orange beads among it’s myriad of colors. I asked her if we liked orange, and she properly responded, “No.” I asked her what color we do like, and she respectfully listed the rest of the rainbow. Attagirl.

Orange should not be the color of toys, pens, beds, jewelry, cars, or shoes.

Most of all, orange should never be the color of football jerseys.

Please forward this message to any Clemson Tiger, Oklahoma State Cowboy, Florida Gator, or texas longhorn fan you may know. It is the time for new beginnings.

And one last thing…

Boomer Sooner!

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My Teenagers Will Never…

Ronnica — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 12:44:00 +0000

When I have teenaged children, I’m going to teach them how to use proper spelling and grammar in online communication, and if they don’t, they’re going to have to do work to prove to me they know it (e.g. write the usages of your and you’re 20x each). I don’t care if they use texting shorthand or whatever, but if they’re writing a real word IT WILL BE SPELLED CORRECTLY.

That is all.

ETA: Oh, wow. Yes, I did have a weird typing error in this post that is now fixed, the kind where I think faster than I type. I wrote it in a hurry; that’s what I get. Oh, the irony…

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The Rules of Sprinkles

Ronnica — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:34:00 +0000

Recently I’ve seen some pretty flagrant disregard for the unwritten (why would I need to write them?) rules of sprinkles. Since you seem to need reminding, here are the rules (I see I need to write them after all).

1. Sprinkles on donuts should always be fun-colored: red, blue, white, green, yellow, and orange. Fall-colored sprinkles aren’t appropriate for a morning treat. Fall-colors are not fun and festive, they are somber and introspective. This is not a good mood for the waking-up, driving-in-traffic hours. If you have so many fall-colored sprinkles around, make leaf-shaped cookies.

2. Unless on holiday cookies, sprinkles should always be thin and long. Ball sprinkles are only acceptable for cookies for holidays such as Christmas and Valentine’s Day. If then. Let’s face it: ball sprinkles are rather shady.

3. Cute shape sprinkles are fine, but only during those times directly around the holiday/event for which they were shaped.

4. Sprinkles on cupcakes are great, but only on top of an inch of frosting. Sprinkles should never be a substitute for frosting.

Am I missing any other rules of sprinkles? Have I made myself clear?

————————————————————————

I’m thankful that I have enough food to be picky about what I eat. When I think about people who are starving it really puts my own pickiness in proper perspective.

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Wacky Searches

Ronnica — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 12:52:00 +0000

(say in a cheesy announcer voice) It’s time again to play WaCkY SeArChEs!

On today’s episode, we’ll talk about skunks, spelling, and silly putty!

how to do spelling mistake, & wording mistake
Most people don’t need any help with this.

famous lines from schildrens books
See, he can do it.

marble memmory
That’s a lot of Ms…

dollars found after several years
If it’s just one or two it isn’t anything to write home about.

2/3 of all men are married to 3/5
Do the men marry fractions or dates?

getting ou ink stains
Is that like getting an OU tattoo? I’m not that daring…

how to make silly putty without starch or barack
You were going somewhere there until you decided to mention the junior Senator from Illinois.

spelling of eek
That’s how I spell it.

which place is more beautiful north carolina or kansas
I don’t know that I’ve ever mentioned this, but I do think Kansas is more beautiful.

what could a girl were for nerd day
For starters, something that is correctly spelled.

ramesh parachute spider
Should I be worried?

flip the chicken game
I’ve never played it. Is it like hot potato?

information about skunks for kindergarteners
Tell them that they shouldn’t be scared of them!

kindergarten picture of a skunk
Skunks go to kindergarten?

hairless cats kansas
I blame Julie.

seminar raleigh push my buttons
Hehe, I don’t need to go to seminar to learn how to push people’s buttons.

russia school toilet squat girls
Mm-kay.

girdle goodness
Uh…

how to remove ink from tongue
Ooh, been there, done that. I was on a roadtrip, too. I never sucked on a pen to get it writing again, though.

nerd school accomplishments
What are you trying to say, Mr. Google?

next…if the stalls are empty…where would u stand
LOL. Who knew a bathroom stall discussion would lead to this search.

spelling of well when used of goodness
“Well” is only always spelled one way, no matter how it’s used. But don’t confuse it with “we’ll.”

Well, that’s all folks!

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I’m thankful for my church family. Every Sunday I grow to love them more and more.

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