Ignorant Historian

My journal entry, dated October 30, 2009

Last night in the midst of one of my typical adventure dreams (in this one I was a part of a group being held hostage) there was a tender moment (can a fake moment be tender?) that sticks with me.

In the midst of the hostage situation, I had my head on a man’s shoulder as we played with each other’s hands.  It was something so small, but that’s the desire of my heart…to simply be with someone, even if it’s in the midst of a crazy situation (though preferably not that crazy situation).

I long for that day when there’ll be someone there, all the while knowing that day may never come.  Yet I hope in God, trusting His judgment on the matter to be better than my own, asking Him to remove selfish ambitions from my heart.  Not that it’s not right and good for me to desire a husband–it is–but it’s not right for me to desire it more than I desire God Himself, more than I desire to follow Him.

So as I continue in this adventurous time in my life, I lean on Him, trusting Him to be enough.

“For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD gives grace and glory;
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
O LORD of hosts,
How blessed is the man who trusts in You.”

- Psalm 84:11-12

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This past week it seems like worries old and new have been coming to my mind a lot.  It’s not that I have a real cause to worry when I really think about my life, but it’s so incredibly easy to fall back into it again and again.

When these worries come to mind, I’ve found myself mini-praying, “I trust You, Lord,” and giving up that worry to Him once again.  I’m amazed at how many times I have to use those four words, but it’s a wonderful reminder to me of how I can cast my anxieties upon Him, knowing that He does care for me (1 Peter 5:7).

I was having one of these moments as I was doing my Bible reading last night, and only seconds later, these are the words God spoke back to me through His Word:

“ For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
         The LORD gives grace and glory;
         No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. 
   O LORD of hosts,
         How blessed is the man who trusts in You!”
- Psalm 84:11-12

The Lord reminded me so timely that He blesses those who trust in Him.  By placing my trust in Him, He promises to bless: not necessarily with the working-out of my worries in the way I want them worked out, but in the way that He desires them to work out.  God is in control and can take care of these worries and others that I might have.

And I can rest assured in my loving, competent God.